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Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
How to pick a new last name
So my fiance and I have started discussing last names, and neither of us are hugely attached to our last names, but him, being the guy wanted me to take his. I'm hesitant to take his last name simply because it's pronounced differently than it looks. I absolutely want us to have the same last name, but there's no need for us to keep either of ours. So now we're looking at taking an entirely new name, but we don't know where to start. We want something simple, strong and meaningful, but not too obvious. I was thinking something to do with the earth.
Where do we start? Any suggestions would be very helpful. Thank you.
Dana
Where do we start? Any suggestions would be very helpful. Thank you.
Dana
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Re: How to pick a new last name
Has he talked to his family about this? I have heard a lot of brides talk about going down this road and that families can really end up resenting the bride and groom afterwards. I'm not sure that I would be willing to deal with that when I simply didn't like the pronunciation of his last name.
FWIW: I've also heard that depending on where you live, it's harder for a guy to change his surname than it is for a woman. Society is conditioned to the idea that women change their names. Not so much for men. Not that that's a reason NOT to change names. Just suggesting that you investigate and find out what all it will take so that you're ready for it.
In our family: I changed my name. My sister did not. My SIL did not. My poor dad gets so confused about who has what name. He has two DD's and a DIL and not any of them have the same surname.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
[QUOTE]I'm pretty sure that if you're not using one of your last names or hyphenating, you'll actually have to go before a judge to get your names changed. It's not a hugely complicated process, but it's just one more hassle...
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
This is true.
Dana, I knew a guy whose parents changed their last name to Makepeace because they thought it sounded wonderful. And thus they started a new family name. Go for it!
If you want something relating to earth, maybe check out some celtic or pagan websites and see what you find. Or start with a thesaurus and work from there. Or translate some earth-type words into other languages (perhaps if you have German heritage, look up the German word for earth, or land, or woods, etc).
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[QUOTE]Just to note, the more I think about this, the less I think it's fair that we are forced to take our husband's names, just because that's whats been done for hundreds of years. Why shouldn't he take my last name? We have talked this over together and have decided it makes the most sense to choose a new name together. Please, if you have any suggestions as how to start I would love to hear them, if you just want to tell me to conform, save your time and don't.
Posted by DanaTy[/QUOTE]
Nobody's forcing you to do anything.
If you decide to take an entirely new name, be prepared from the fallout, esp. from his family. Somebody posted this situation a few days ago and what she encountered was not pretty.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]I'm pretty sure that if you're not using one of your last names or hyphenating, you'll actually have to go before a judge to get your names changed. It's not a hugely complicated process, but it's just one more hassle...
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Strangely enough, in NY one of the name change options is to combine your two last names together:
<h2> Surname Options</h2> <p> Every person has the right to adopt any name by which he or she wishes to be known simply by using that name consistently and without intent to defraud. A person's last name (surname) does not automatically change upon marriage, and neither party to the marriage is required to change his or her last name. The bride and groom need not take the same last name.</p> <p> One or both parties to a marriage may elect to change the surname by which he or she wishes to be known after the marriage by entering the new name in the appropriate space provided on the marriage license. The new name must consist of one of the following options:</p> <ul><li>the surname of the other spouse;</li><li>any former surname of either spouse;</li><li><strong>a name combining into a single surname all or a segment of the premarriage surname or any former surname of each spouse;</strong></li><li>a combination name separated by a hyphen, provided that each part of such combination surname is the premarriage surname, or any former surname, of each of the spouses.</li></ul>
But you aren't allowed to use your maiden name as your middle name without doing a legal name change.
You can combine current names, research your family trees/heritage, combine any names from family trees/heritage, or just pick any name you want. Or is there a special place/thing that has meaning to both you & your FI?
OP, it is completely 100% your decision (for you last name) & completely 100% your FI's decision (for his last name). However, your family & friends might get hurt/attitudes if you do anything nontraditional. People always forget the actual meaning/tradition of taking his last name (that the wife was his property). But remember, a name is personal for everyone involved- even those who have no say in the decision. So just try to approach this carefully for all involved.
Every state is different. So, just look into the law in your state. You can start by calling the clerk of court and google the statute in your state. Plus call a lawyer. Usually there are standard forms/petitions the clerk has which can explain how simple the process is.
Planning Bio
Married 9/15/11
*This is Not Legal Advice*
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I don't think you should conform. If I were you I'd probably pick something that reflects your history as a couple, something based on locale maybe or heritage (for example my FI and I were considering his great grandmother's maiden name Foley since we're both Irish).
My older brother tried to change his name because he found out that my father spelled Jackson with a hyphen on his birth certificate. For months him and my father had to go to back and forth and they kept giving him different forms. He ended up hiring a lawyer to do it for him. It was a lot of time, money, and headache just to remove a hyphen.