Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Solo down the aisle?

The other post on here about being escorted down the aisle has inspired me to write this one.

I have a while before I have to worry about this, since BF and I aren't even officially engaged yet, but it's something I've been a little concerned about for a long time.

It's really important to me not to have my father walk me down the aisle.  I love my dad and we have a good relationship, but I don't like the symbolism or the concept of being "given away".  I also told BF that he's not allowed to ask my dad's permission before proposing.  No offense to any of you more-traditional girls; it's just not my taste.

I know my dad shares my opinions intellectually at least (he's the one who raised me to be an independent feminist) but I also feel like he might be slightly heartbroken when his only daughter tells him she doesn't want him to walk her down the aisle.

Is anyone else in a similar situation?  I'm not sure how to break the news in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings.

Re: Solo down the aisle?

  • Why not have your dad walk with you down the aisle? You don't have to do the whole bit about 'Who gives this woman to this man?'. If for nothing else than that you love your Dad and want him to take this important walk with you. Plus, I'm sure it'd be nice to have someone to lean on if you feel a bit wobbly if you're wearing heels while walking down the aisle!
    I think you're thinking pretty far ahead though. Cross that bridge when you come to it.
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited August 2010
    If you don't want to be "given away," you might consider the Jewish tradition--which I've seen used recently by many nonJewish but feminist brides:  Your FI's parents (both of them) walk him down the aisle, and your parents (both of them) walk you down the aisle.  Then coming back, you and your new husband walk down the aisle together.  Instead of being "given away," it's more about recognizing how each of you got to this point.  And it gets your father involved, but in a nonsexist way.

    Of course, if you'd rather go solo, that's a perfectly valid choice, too.  Or you could do it the way my wife and I did--the two of us walked together, both ways.
  • My father didn't give me away, he escorted me down the aisle.  It's not a big deal, just walk by yourself if it's going to cause you this much concern. 

    Not really sure what being an "independent feminist" has anything to do with being escorted by your father down the aisle. 
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I don't like the connotation of the bride being given away, either. The father and/or mother of the b and/or groom can walk them down the aisle as a sign of family support for the couple.


                       
  • Your dad walking you down the aisle isn't "giving you away".  Like Maire said, it is him supporting you through the change in you life.  If you don't want to be given away, remove the lines from the ceremony that start with, "who gives this woman."
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited August 2010
    I'm in a similar situation. I love my dad, but I'm doing this marriage thing on my own. I mean, I've lived on my own for 10 years.

    We're also not doing a father/daughter dance (long story). But I am going to do the "seating of the parents." I'll have my dad escort his girlfriend in first, then my FI's parents, then my mom and stepfather. That way there will still be an "honored" part of the ceremony for him to participate in.

    I've had people tell me that it's a slap in the face to my dad and people will think we're estranged if he doesn't walk me down the aisle. That's not the case. I've always pictured myself walking alone. While I usually hate when people say this: it's your wedding. Do what you feel comfortable with.
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  • I've considered walking in with both of my parents like a few of you have suggestions, but my overall preference is to walk alone.  It's one of the few details about that I've even thought about already, and it's really important to me.  So I was mostly hoping for ideas on how to discuss it with Dad without sounding unloving or ungrateful.

    Msmerymac -- how did you do it?
  • If you are looking for ideas to discuss it with your dad, you an ask general questions like how important it is for him to walk you down the aisle? tell him about your vision of walking alone. Maybe these types of conversations can come up if you know someone getting married, if you are watching a wedding show, if you and BF have been talking about marriage etc. This way it wont look like you just sprung it on him.

    Hope this helps!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_solo-down-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4b64f402-8be8-43e8-98bd-86972be004e1Post:a946fda9-aaf2-4680-8a53-acc4027d1496">Re: Solo down the aisle?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've considered walking in with both of my parents like a few of you have suggestions, but my overall preference is to walk alone.  It's one of the few details about that I've even thought about already, and it's really important to me.  So I was mostly hoping for ideas on how to discuss it with Dad without sounding unloving or ungrateful. Msmerymac -- how did you do it?
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    *Sigh* I haven't yet. It's something I have to do, but I'm not sure how.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_solo-down-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4b64f402-8be8-43e8-98bd-86972be004e1Post:ad5a9cda-e8ae-4a2f-b654-eff4b979f16e">Re: Solo down the aisle?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Solo down the aisle? : *Sigh* I haven't yet. It's something I have to do, but I'm not sure how.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Uh oh!  You'd better get a move on that!  From your ticker it looks like time is winding down.  Good luck!
  • Elle, I have exactly the same response to the giving away/walking down the aisle traditions, as well as the permission question. I sorted that one out by very specifically telling my fiance that he can ask for my parents' support - not their permission. (The whole giving away issue sounds to me like we should also be negotiating for some sacks of flour and a few goats...)

    We're having our ceremony in an auditorium, and I intially wanted to walk down myself, but I think I'll walk down with both parents, as far as the first row, then have them take their seats and I'll walk the rest of the way to my fiance on my own - the way I want it. I don't know if that's an option for you. Good luck!

  • Megan -- I'm exactly the same way about the permission issue!  You're more accomodating than I am, though.  I pretty much forbade him to talk to my parents before-hand.
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