I need advice! International relationship

cbp403

Hi everyone,
I am looking for some input from anyone who is willing to help. I am in an international relationship. We are planning on getting married, but im not sure where we should have the wedding. Would it be ok to have a very small ceremony on neutral ground ( im thinking destination style ) and then a reception in each country where our families are based? Im just not sure if this is a good idea or if there may be other ideas, id love to hear them. Please help!

Bonzo2011

I have a cousin who married a man from Ghana. They got married in his home town, and her immediate family was able to fly over for the ceremony. Then they had an at home reception in CA so that our extended family could meet the new husband and celebrate. It was a relaxed, informal party.

Soon2BeMrsTing

What you are suggesting sounds very involved.  Think about it: you're talking about planning three distinct events, potentially in three countries.   If you have the time, the energy and the means to plan three events, then you'd be doing nothing wrong.  It just sounds like a huge ball of stress to me.

Why don't you get married in one of your home countries, and then have a reception in the other home country?  The poster above mentioned a relaxed, informal party, and this is what I would plan for the second event as well.  No white dress, no cake cutting, no first dance. 

I would invite everyone to in the second reception location to the actual wedding, however.   The second reception/.event should be for those whom you are inviting to the wedding but who will not be able to make it due to the distance.  H and I once attended a reception in our city for a couple whose wedding we were not invited to.  The event itself was lovely, but I felt strange being there, having not been invited to the actual wedding.

DeannaCW

Another thing you may need to consider is immigration laws.  For example, my FI is coming over on an engagement visa. This only allows one entry into the country; if our honeymoon was elsewhere or if we immediately went back for a reception in the UK, he would not be allowed back into the States until his legal residency came through.  So what we're doing is having our wedding here, then whenever he's allowed to leave the country and come back again, we'll plan a trip back where we'll likely have a reception for those who couldn't come.

Or, I don't know how acceptable this would be to some people, but you could do two weddings, and make the second in the country where you intend to live, and have that one be where you sign the papers. The first could maybe be a more religious-minded one, if you follow a religious order that would want recognition of your marriage. Again, not sure how much people would accept this. I'd probably get flamed on the E board, but immigration laws make it very difficult to follow proscribed etiquette sometimes and most people will understand.

tiny speck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_i-need-advice-international-relationship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4bd791f1-b00a-45cd-a075-167bc18bcfbfPost:5617da9f-5d5c-4258-92bc-02cf62e63c3f">Re: I need advice! International relationship</a>:
[QUOTE]Another thing you may need to consider is immigration laws.  For example, my FI is coming over on an engagement visa. This only allows one entry into the country; if our honeymoon was elsewhere or if we immediately went back for a reception in the UK, he would not be allowed back into the States until his legal residency came through.  So what we're doing is having our wedding here, then whenever he's allowed to leave the country and come back again, we'll plan a trip back where we'll likely have a reception for those who couldn't come. Or, I don't know how acceptable this would be to some people, but you could do two weddings, and make the second in the country where you intend to live, and have that one be where you sign the papers. The first could maybe be a more religious-minded one, if you follow a religious order that would want recognition of your marriage. Again, not sure how much people would accept this. <strong>I'd probably get flamed on the E board, but immigration laws make it very difficult to follow proscribed etiquette sometimes and most people will understand.</strong>
Posted by DeannaCW[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this advice and especially want to reiterate the bolded. Immigration is a tricky issue and makes a lot of traditional etiquette really hard to conform to sometimes. I am Canadian, my FI is American, and we have been living in England the past four years as grad students. Because we're finishing our studies just before the wedding and won't necessarily have jobs lined up, it makes the most sense to marry in England, where we live, rather than in either of our home countries. Our families and friends understand, for the most part.

I also agree with the other advice given about the logistics of planning three parties in three countries: it just seems like too much of a headache, and would most likely end up being much more expensive than just choosing one place. Just think of the travel costs alone!

annieoldfield

Yes good points about immigration laws,

Im from the UK and FI from US and we are applying for a fiance visa in the US. Once approved i will go over to marry in the US as this is the place we will be living after. Once we marry we then apply for an "adjustment of status" so i may not have to return to the UK. This also makes leaving for a honeymoon (or to go for a reception in another country) straight after marriage quite difficult as the adjustment of status process requires interviews and stuff. 

ems27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_i-need-advice-international-relationship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:4bd791f1-b00a-45cd-a075-167bc18bcfbfPost:5617da9f-5d5c-4258-92bc-02cf62e63c3f">Re: I need advice! International relationship</a>:
[QUOTE]Another thing you may need to consider is immigration laws.  For example, my FI is coming over on an engagement visa. This only allows one entry into the country; if our honeymoon was elsewhere or if we immediately went back for a reception in the UK, he would not be allowed back into the States until his legal residency came through.  So what we're doing is having our wedding here, then whenever he's allowed to leave the country and come back again, we'll plan a trip back where we'll likely have a reception for those who couldn't come. Or, I don't know how acceptable this would be to some people, but you could do two weddings, and make the second in the country where you intend to live, and have that one be where you sign the papers. The first could maybe be a more religious-minded one, if you follow a religious order that would want recognition of your marriage. Again, not sure how much people would accept this. I'd probably get flamed on the E board, but immigration laws make it very difficult to follow proscribed etiquette sometimes and most people will understand.
Posted by DeannaCW[/QUOTE]

PPs have had great advice- and I really agree with Deanna's here.  FI is from the UK and we are having our ceremony and reception in the US, Disney honeymoon to stay in the states.  We're actually going with a sort of pre-wedding cocktail party for family and friends that can't make it, since we wouldn't be able to do any sort of at home reception for him until Christmastime (and that is much later than he would like).  I think keeping it to two locations and keeping one of the parties low key is reasonable and should save many a planning headache :-)

For the US, it is actually a little simpler to get married abroad and then apply for the SOs green card, but you have to still wait 5-6 months before your SO can come to the States.  We're going the FI Visa and then GC route.