Hey Ladies (or Gents), I have a similar situation. My fiance comes from a strictly Lutheran background (he does not practice, but is still at least Agnostic with a Christian lean). I practice traditional witchcraft (Wicca) and always pictured my wedding being less of a white dress-church wedding and more of a incense-and-candles affair. His parents don't really know about my faith, I'm a fairly private person, but I haven't explicitly hidden it (I even attend church with the family when we visit). My hubby-to-be has had a stifled upbringing and his parents do not know about his separation from the organized church.
Here's my boggle:
His mom and dad offered a sum to help us out. They have the money set aside, they're wealthier than my parents. They made the remark that the wedding should be officiated by a member of the clergy, whether he is Catholic, Lutheran, or otherwise, and this is a condition on which their help depends (it is implied that he should be male and Christian).
I have three options here: 1).take the money, thank them, and feel like I am being forced to do the ceremony in a certain way 2). refuse the money on principle, strike a HUGE rift between the family and I possibly resulting in excommunication 3). compromise by finding a local clergy member willing to blend traditions for us.
I want to sit down and discuss this w/ my in-laws, because I don't think they realize that they are hurting my feelings, but my fiance has a very complicated relationship with his family and his faith. He got very upset when I suggested coming clean and telling them I am a Pagan. He is afraid my 'confession' will spark a debate on his faith and he isn't ready to admit to his padres that he isn't their model son.
In my opinion, it's perfectly fair that they should have strings attached to their purses, it's their money and they are giving it to us, so why WOULDN'T they have some control over the ceremony? On the other hand, I don't think it's very nice to have these stipulations. I value truth and honesty, and my parents and I have always been able to talk frankly about this. Is this one of those subjects where I should just try to swallow my pride?
(remember, not taking the money is NOT an option because of the family drama it will cause!)