honoring passed loved ones

nicolhuff

Hi everyone,

My FI and I would love to honor our loved ones who have passed on and we need some advice.  Just so you know, the two main people we want to honor are my dad and his little brother.  We are having a very casual beach wedding (both ceremony and reception on the beach) and we’re thinking of doing Japanese floating lanterns.  We can either do the ones that float up into the sky or the ones that float on the water.  We are thinking that my FI and I would each light one and send it off.   What do you guys think, is this a good way to honor our loved ones who are no longer with us?  Or, maybe you have another/better idea. 

Thanks for the advice.

Nicol

ChellaTims

I have very few living family members and the same for my FH. One of the Southern traditions that I'm going to do is carry a monogrammed handkerchief with all of the names of my female relatives and all of my FI female relatives that have passed on. Usually the handkerchief is passed down through all the females in the family but my grandmother died of breast cancer at the age of 29 when my mother was 4 so we're not sure if there was one or not. Most brides have the handkerchief wrapped around the stems of the bouquet. To me it's one very personal way to have them be a part of my wedding but not risk making any of my family members who will be attending the wedding upset, sad or any feel any other emotion other than joy.
I have also seen brides with small pictures of loved ones who have passed on in little frames painted wedding colors and tied on to the bow or the ribbon around the bouquet and carried down during the ceremony. I think that's a great idea if you have the pictures.

transcriber87

We are putting out a picture frame with my FI father in it who passed away 1 month ago and a picture frame with my grandma and grandpas picture in it..each picture will be on the each side of a candle I bought

torisarah

I really love this idea. And to watch something like that would be very emotional and moving as well as incredibly beautiful. Have you decided when you would do this ? During your recession - perhaps walk out to the water together, light them and send them floating ? It always seems like the execution and timing part are always the tough part. It may be a little too emotional ? I have seen candles lit, and distinctive colored roses placed in vases throughout the ceremony and then a note at the bottom of the program explaining they represent the memory of the lost loved ones.  Maybe already having them lit and floating on the water might be the easiest way - with an explanation in the program. I really love the idea. We are honoring our lost loved ones as well - especially FI's fallen troopers- just not sure how. : )  Good Luck !!

miranda1211

Your idea sounds really nice - it seems like it would be an understated and simple, but still special, moment for the two of you.

We had a small table near the altar with a picture of my dad, a boutonniere (since he would have worn one, if he was there) and a candle.  My brother lit the candle, and then I used the flame from that to light our unity candle.

vbjoanna

My mother died in 1999, and I'm going to weave a locket that holds her photo into my bouquet. We'll also have a vase of flowers in her honor, as well as another, smaller vase of flowers in memory of our furry, finned, and feathered friends. These vases will be identified in the program and by cards next to them. The locket is just for me -- no one else will know. I'm also wearing the short veils she wore in her own wedding -- a gift from my father -- and a slip she gave me when I was about 14. (I wouldn't be wearing veils otherwise -- they're really not me.) My FI and I are old enough that our grandparents wouldn't be expected to still be alive, so we aren't doing anything specific for them, although when the Officiant is preparing to present us as husband and wife, she'll say "in front of those here today as well as those who couldn't be with us" -- a nod to both invited guests who couldn't come and to our late relatives.

In thinking about what could go wrong with your plans, really hurting another guest is right at the top. If you either check into that possibility or know that it wouldn't be an issue, then I'd suggest going with the air-borne option -- launching lanterns at the water's edge is not likely to get them out to sea on the beaches I'm familiar with. At the very least, you might want to practice it first and see what you have to do. You may need to wade in, and I don't know if that's on your to do list! Re the air-borne option, if it's been really dry where you are or you have any concern at all that the lanterns could start a wildfire, you might want to skip it altogether. I've never seen it done nor have I read about it, so maybe there's no risk of fire, but IMO something to rule out if you haven't already done so. I definitely agree that it sounds beautiful, but be sure about the logistics.

andreamartinets

With the permission of my fiance and future mother-in-law, I will be wearing a heart locket bracelet with a picture of my fiance's dad in it. They both thought it was a very sweet gesture. Its a way to have him there in a way that is not overbearing to guests, and is not overwhelmingly emotional for the family and me. But still very sweet and memorable as it is something that I can wear after the wedding as well.

defyingravity88

I will be having a picture of my Father, Grandmother, and Grandfather in square frames on my bouquet. For me (as in no one else will see this), I am taking a blue piece of fabric from one of my Father's shirts and having it sewn into the inside of my dress (also my something blue). I am also going to toss a smaller boquet my florist is making and then bringing my bouquet to my Father's gravesite.

As far as offending others/touchiing a hard spot (as a PP stated)- no matter if you see the picture or not, you will be thinking about them. I know when I got engaged one of the toughest things for me was knowing my FI didn't get to ask my Dad (we were dating when he passed). It's your wedding, do what feels right for YOU. I know I will be thinking of my Dad the WHOLE day, and it would feel very strange to not have ANYTHING to remember him by.

I really like the idea of the bouteniere (sp?) with a candle. We won't be doing a unity candle ceremony (we're having a traditional Catholic Nuptial Mass), but maybe I can talk to the priest about having the candle and boutenniere placed in front of the statue to St. Joseph which is in the Church. A small offering in rememberance of all Fathers.

You can also say something about the people who have passed on in your program. "We remember all those who have passed on before us who have set an example in how to love and life live, especially...." (or somehting like that).

Whatever you decide, make sure it feels right for YOU.