Is it wrong for a sister to be a bridesmaid?

mslewis820

My sister is having a FIT that I asked her to be a bridesmaid and not a maid/matron of honor.  I always wanted my BFFs to be my maid and matron.....What is 'etiquette' in this area? Also, I am a 27 year old bride, and she is 40- should I just make her a matron due to her age?

aerinpegadrak

My sisters weren't my MsOH.  My older sister was the MOH for our younger sister, I was a bridesmaid.

You have to tread carefully with family, but she's in the wedding, and that should be sufficient.  A 40 year old woman should be above such fits.

mslewis820

Thanks, I agree it should be sufficient.  Unfortunately, she is offended and will let me know by the end of the week if she wants to partake at all (her words).  I can't believe I'm dealing with this......

redheadfsu

Sounds like your sister is a little bit of a drama queen. You were/ are not wrong. You pick the person you want/ love the most. Family does not necessary trump your best friend. You can have two MOHs or have none to keep the peace. You can do anything that works for you. If you already asked your friend to be the MOH, then you can't ask her to step down. The only "rule" is you can't demote people.  Sorry & GL.

Belle2Be

Sounds like you hurt her feelings, I would make her a Matron of honor, personally.  But I also asked my sister to be mine, so I may be a bit biased Good luck!

MLC613

No matter what your sister decides---just remember it's YOUR WEDDING!! If you want your BFF to be your MOH then do it....it's not anybodys decision but yours!

trix1223

If your sister is married, she would be a matron of honor if you asked her.  If she's never been married, then regardless of her age, she'd be a maid of honor.

lalap69

Etiquette does not dictate that you make your sister your MOH.  You've made her a BM, which should be enough, though it clearly isn't for her.  It's up to you to decide if you want to give in to try to avoid more drama.  It's your call.

FutureDondada

Agree with PP. My sister is my MOH, but we have that kind of relationship. For so many problems I go to her long before my bff. However if that weren't the case, she wouldnt be my MOH and I wouldnt have blinked an eye at it. And to be perfectly honest, my sister has bffs that she is closer to than she is with me. Im not expecting to be MOH in her wedding. If I am thats awesome, if not it doesnt change the fact that she's my sister and Im still playing a part in her big day!

lisaandcorey

She is dead wrong!

She will be your sister forever.  A maid of honor is a maid of honor for a couple of hours.

Just out of curiosity, is your sister jealous of you? Did she want to be MOH so she could get some attention?

[Deleted User]

I chose my best friend over my sister to be my maid of honor.  My sister is still a bridesmaid.  She wasn't at all offended, and told me she was happy I asked my friend over her.
The reason I had between this is that my sister will always be my sister, and she will be involved with everything else in my life to come (such as becoming a Godparent/aunty of our kids, etc), and since my friend can never be my sister, I'd be happy to call her my maid of honor for my wedding.
I don't know if I'm giving you much help, but I think your sister needs to take a step back and realize she should be honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid.  It's not like it's a "demotion" or less important to you.

alainn15

My sister threw a fit because she thought I asked her after everyone else and that she wasn't my MOH, told me she refused to be in the wedding because I obviously didn't want her, then ate her words when she found out she was the first I asked and that ny DAUGHTER was my MOH.

Your sis will come around eventually. Don't count her out completely yet.

whirlybird27

Since it sounds like you are only having two or so attendants change what you call them. Instead of giving them titles like Maid of Honor/Matron of Honor just have Honor Attendants. That way there is no 'It girl'. It would be kind of hard for your sister to argue that she is mad because she is an Honor Attendant-just like your bff. If you prefer to keep the titles and one is married and one isn't then have a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor. 

I think the word here to remember is honor. It is an honor to be asked and an honor to accept standing with someone you love on their wedding day. Like a PP said, is she jealous that you are getting married? Or at least getting attention? 

Maybe talk to your mom(grand-mom, dad-whomever it may be) and ask their take on it or to talk to her and tell her to chill out.

[Deleted User]

My BF is my MOH. I asked my sister ahead of time if that was ok (she's a BM,) and she was fine. Not that it had anything  to do with it, but I wasn't her MOH either. It really comes down to communicating, and hopefully over time your sister will relax about the whole thing.

goetzr19

She is in the wrong.  I chose my BFF for my MOH, and she got engaged and chose her sister.  In no way am I upset at this.  I feel honored to be a part of her day, as should your sister.  She's 40, not 4.  If she chooses to back out, then that's her poor choice.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wrong-sister-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:508db673-ab6b-450e-9cb3-019c145153fcPost:5b423d94-e7ac-4de9-b0ec-79fa0b59fa67">Re: Is it wrong for a sister to be a bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]If your sister is married, she would be a matron of honor if you asked her.  If she's never been married, then regardless of her age, she'd be a maid of honor.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. She is a bit too old to be putting you through this, how immature. It is not really that big of a deal. I had two BM's that were in their mid to late thirties. My sister was my MOH and I only had one regardless of the other two's marital statuses.

joannerryan

the title of being in the bridal party isn't the be all and end all. I chose my best friend to be my maid of honour, with my two sisters as bridesmaids. As for my MOH, she's having family only in her wedding party, so obviously, I'm not included, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about me. I'll be there for her in different ways. People need to really lighten up about this kind of thing, your sister included!

kremsm

I understand your problem here, for I'm in a similar situation.  My best friend was offended I didn't pick her as my MOH, because she thought she deserved it more than my cousin.  I disagreed with her, and she has now labeled herself as a co-maid of honor.  I think it's ridiculous that someone throw such a fit.  Sure, I understand being slightly offended, but I don't think you should even tell the bride, just get over it.  I almost told my friend that if she was going to be so immature, she didn't need to be in my wedding at all, but I'm hoping that in the next few months she calms down about the situation.

lpolak

I have two step-sisters and one is a bridesmaid and the other is not simply due to the fact that I haven't seen her for 10+ years since she moved to Oregon.  Just go with your gut and your sister is goign to have to deal with it.  It's your day not hers and if she loves you she'll understand that no matter what and be happy for you and your fiance!