Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Need grooms dinner help!

My wedding is August 7th. My parents are paying for the whole ceremony and reception, and his parents are paying for our honeymoon. We need to broach the subject to his parents about paying for the grooms dinner (for 22 people). Here's the problem--they are not familiar with many wedding traditions. And we're not having a mostly non-traditional wedding, so when I do bring up some traditions we are including (like renting tuxes), they get confused and say things like, "I thought this was supposed to be non-traditional". I feel bad for asking for more, but my parents have made it clear that they will be offended if his parents don't pay for the grooms dinner, and there's no way we can afford to pick up the tab ourselves. We're not talking anything too expensive (something around $10 a person would be fine, like pizza). Both of our sets of parents are well-off, so this would not be a financial burden for them. How to I bring it up, without sounding ungrateful for the honeymoon or greedy asking for more? Please help!

Re: Need grooms dinner help!

  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2010
    Yeah... you aren't going to be able to ask them without looking ungrateful or greedy.

    Rehearsal dinners do not have to be expensive.  Buy a few hoagies (subs) and liters of coke to feed the wedding party and their dates.  Or make a bunch of lasagnas in the next few weeks, freeze them and cook them up at your home after the rehearsal.  There are cheaper options than anything extravegant.

    And, really... don't ask your future in laws for more money.  If they offer, that is one thing.  But no offer?  Asking won't end well.
  • Not required, not their responsibility.

    If they haven't offered, assume they're not paying for it.  Good Lord, they're already paying for your honeymoon!  And your parents are paying for your wedding?

    here's a thought:  pay for your own RD.  If yo're saying $10 pp and 22 people, that's $220.  If you can't come up with $220, you can get pizza and beer in a room at your fave pizza place for less. Or a couple of trays of lasagna at a local price club, along with a salad and three loaves of Italian bread.  Voila:  it's an RD.

    Sorry, but you WILL sound both ungrateful and greedy if you ask for more.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_need-grooms-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:50a5d13f-7452-4e02-b9f9-3822367cdac1Post:1228a672-5486-4d56-ba85-80b6d70b842a">Need grooms dinner help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wedding is August 7th. My parents are paying for the whole ceremony and reception, and his parents are paying for our honeymoon. We need to broach the subject to his parents about paying for the grooms dinner (for 22 people). Here's the problem--they are not familiar with many wedding traditions. And we're not having a mostly non-traditional wedding, so when I do bring up some traditions we are including (like renting tuxes), they get confused and say things like, "I thought this was supposed to be non-traditional". I feel bad for asking for more, but my parents have made it clear that they will be offended if his parents don't pay for the grooms dinner, and there's no way we can afford to pick up the tab ourselves. We're not talking anything too expensive (something around $10 a person would be fine, like pizza). Both of our sets of parents are well-off, so this would not be a financial burden for them. How to I bring it up, without sounding ungrateful for the honeymoon or greedy asking for more? Please help!
    Posted by musicradar[/QUOTE]

    JIC
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    edited July 2010
    They're paying for your honeymoon. Be grateful that they're being generous enough to give you that.

    As far as any other wedding-related expenses on his parents' part (Or your own parents for that matter), if they want to pay for something, they will offer. If they don't offer, that means they aren't interested in paying.


    Traditional wedding or not, the "rules" of who pays for what got tossed out the window a very long time ago. It's not their job to pay for the RD. If you want one, you pay for one.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • I really appreciate everyone's response. It made me realize that the stress of the wedding is getting to me, and that I WAS totally being rude and disrespectful. I'm embarrassed that I ever believed it was a good thing to do! Thank you,everyone, for the advice. You are totally right.
  • S'okay, music!  Good luck!! :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_need-grooms-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:50a5d13f-7452-4e02-b9f9-3822367cdac1Post:4e9001fb-fb52-4da7-87b5-169f3917fcd4">Re: Need grooms dinner help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really appreciate everyone's response. It made me realize that the stress of the wedding is getting to me, and that I WAS totally being rude and disrespectful. I'm embarrassed that I ever believed it was a good thing to do! Thank you,everyone, for the advice. You are totally right.
    Posted by musicradar[/QUOTE]


    Bravo, musicradar for listening with an open mind. 

    You're not alone~the bride "crazies" hit many brides at some point.  That's why a good reality-check/wake up call is always helpful.

    Come back and play often!  =)
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • your fiance should talk to his family, and there is no polite way to ask for money, period
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