Alternatives to money dance.

kdavis14

I really don't want to do a money dance because I don't want to dance with a bunch of people, but my future mother in law says she wants us to do the dance. Please keep negative comments to yourself. I didnt ask if you think its tacky. It is very popular in Louisiana. I was thinking of maybe doing a money tree. Any other ideas? 

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_alternatives-to-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:51f10d81-5a0a-4494-869e-9cbbfe173186Post:eb9596ec-814d-4eba-8c86-6923e2da08ce">Alternatives to money dance.</a>:
[QUOTE]I really don't want to do a money dance because I don't want to dance with a bunch of people, but my future mother in law says she wants us to do the dance. Please keep negative comments to yourself. I didnt ask if you think its tacky. It is very popular in Louisiana. I was thinking of maybe doing a money tree. Any other ideas? 
Posted by kdavis14[/QUOTE]

You could:
A) Politely decline the money dance and do nothing in it's place. . . .there are many, many weddings that don't include the money dance.
B) Do a "well wishes" or something dance, where the "cost" to dance with the bride or groom is a well wish. . . . but that doesn't solve your problem of not dancing with everyone.

For what it's worth, a money tree seems to be nothing at all like the money dance, and doesn't seem like appeasing your FMIL, it just seems like a different way to try to get people to give you money, so I wouldn't suggest that AT ALL.

Lastly, i'm not sure that all of LA would agree with you on the popularity of money dances, nor do the ladies around here take kindly to being told what they can and can't post. 

AddieCake

I think you should do the well wishes dance. 

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_alternatives-to-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:51f10d81-5a0a-4494-869e-9cbbfe173186Post:eb9596ec-814d-4eba-8c86-6923e2da08ce">Alternatives to money dance.</a>:
[QUOTE]I really don't want to do a money dance because I don't want to dance with a bunch of people, but my future mother in law says she wants us to do the dance. Please keep negative comments to yourself. I didnt ask if you think its tacky. It is very popular in Louisiana. I was thinking of maybe doing a money tree. Any other ideas? 
Posted by kdavis14[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Any other ideas for what? How to solicit money from your guests? </div><div>Popular does not equal acceptable. I don't just think it's tacky, it <em>is </em>tacky. I like the PP about the "well wishes" dance, if you really have to do something gaudy. A money tree is a horrible idea. </div><div>
</div><div>Or you could eliminate all of these things and have a classy wedding. </div>

jemmini6

In Response to Alternatives to money dance.:
[QUOTE]I really don't want to do a money dance because I don't want to dance with a bunch of people, but my future mother in law says she wants us to do the dance. Please keep negative comments to yourself. I didnt ask if you think its tacky. It is very popular in Louisiana. I was thinking of maybe doing a money tree. Any other ideas? 
Posted by kdavis14[/QUOTE]

So don't.  The Dollar Dance is still widely done in both H and my circle, so from an etiquette perspective, none of our guests would have bat an eye at it.  However, I didn't want to dance with a bunch of random uncles/family friends either, so I just skipped it all together.  My mom was a little disappointed about some of the traditions I skipped (we also skipped a bouquet/garter toss), but it wasn't her wedding.  If you don't want to dance with people for money (or at all), your FMIL shouldn't pressure you into doing it.

Also, if you don't do the dollar dance, do NOT do anything else to ask for money.  I get coming from a place where the dance is popular, but if I put up a money tree, I think even my family might have side-eyed that.  Just be strong and tell your FMIL "no".

fancybunny

My fianc family is from Hungary and we are doing a money dance, it's very popular there. I am actually changing my dress just for it to one from Hungary. I think traditions no matter what are important just my opinion. Figured I'd let you know your not the only one maybe doing it.

MyNameIsNot

Smile and change the subject when your FMIL brings it up.  Your wedding is a good time to teach her that you aren't going to do everything she wants you to.  

Don't solicit money from your guests.  If you don't want to dance with your guests, don't.  Substituting a money tree, tip jar, or other money grab is not going to solve anything.  

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_alternatives-to-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:51f10d81-5a0a-4494-869e-9cbbfe173186Post:eb9596ec-814d-4eba-8c86-6923e2da08ce">Alternatives to money dance.</a>:
[QUOTE]I really don't want to do a money dance because I don't want to dance with a bunch of people, but my future mother in law says she wants us to do the dance. Please keep negative comments to yourself. I didnt ask if you think its tacky. It is very popular in Louisiana. I was thinking of maybe doing a money tree. Any other ideas? 
Posted by kdavis14[/QUOTE]

If you don't want to do it, then don't do it.  End of story.  Anything that asks for money is rude and tacky, so a money tree would be inappropriate as well.  Haven't your guests spent enough on you already?  Why do you need another gimmick to collect more money?

Also, telling people how they can or cannot respond is rude.  If you don't want negative comments, then don't post on a public message board. 

lyndausvi

  

I'm not a dollar dance fan, but whatever It's popular in certain groups, no skin off my back.   If you don't want to do the dance don't.   However, I find it tacky to try and find another way to solict money from your guests.

kdavis14

I did not tell anyone what to not say. I asked. There is a difference. And like I said, I want other alternative to a money dance, not what people think is tacky

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_alternatives-to-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:51f10d81-5a0a-4494-869e-9cbbfe173186Post:a0a84284-3a54-4180-bb1b-f90ef54d5de8">Re:Alternatives to money dance.</a>:
[QUOTE]I did not tell anyone what to not say. I asked. There is a difference. And like I said, I <strong>want other alternative to a money dance,</strong> not what people think is tacky
Posted by kdavis14[/QUOTE]

Again, it's a public board, and I will not validate or ignore a tacky and rude idea because you don't want to hear it. 

With that said, how about just having normal dancing out on the dance floor?  Why do you need an alternative to a money dance?   Most will have a great time if you play good music and let them dance and mingle with people. 

Summer2011Bride

An alternative to a money dance is to just not do one. If you have dancing at your wedding, just have people dance...for free! Finding a different way to solicit money from guests is just a horrible idea all around. Just stand up to your FMIL (or have FI talk to her) and let her know you are not interested in the money dance. It is very common in our circle, but we find it horribly tacky and skipped it. No one revolted.

MairePoppy

It's rude to solicit money from your guest. If you don't want to do the money dance, tell your dj or master of ceremonies not to announce it. Don't replace it with anything.

JaxInBlue

Agree with PPs.  If you don't want to do the dollar dance, skip it.  DH and I are both from soical circles where the dollar dance is wedding tradition - but no one seemed to notice when we skipped it at our own wedding.  (Though we were told in no uncertain terms that the chicken dance was required...)

I think the well wishes dance offers a good compromise; people "pay" the price of admission with a written good wish or piece of advice (maybe in lieu of guestbook) but they aren't actually out money.

s-aries8990

Skip the money dance. Skip the money tree. Just don't do them.

(sarcasm voice)If FMIL wants a dollar dance do badly, have her be the dancing partner and have her do it in your stead.

Just tell her no you don't want it and change to subject.

Also, you DID tell people how to post.

angelicdarkness13

Is everyone stressed from planning? I thought she respectful pointed out that she wanted advice on what to do, not people's opinions on what they thought of the tradition.

I had another bride point out the dollar dance to me - I had never heard of it, and I'm not sure I can think of anything that could be used as an alternative. Maybe there is another suggestion your FMIL can suggest to another aspect of the wedding instead so she doesn't feel too down about it?

[Deleted User]

Sure FMIL, we'll tell the DJ to do it.

Then tell DJ that you don't want to do it & if FMIL comes up to him & asks him about it to tell her I'll do it in a couple of songs & conventially "forget" to do it later.

And if the DJ manages to go the whole night without her saying anything about it, oh gee darn, the DJ forgot to do the money dance. Oh well, it was still a fun reception don't you think FMIL?

donitagail

When my daughter got married, her photographer took her shoe and asked people to donate to the honeymoon.  I thought it was cute, no family member was involved and everyone loved putting money into the brides shoe.  To each there own!

Lisa50

You might want to suggest your fiance politely remind his mother that she's already had her chance for her dollar dance at her wedding.  It's a cultural tradition (Polish, I believe) that is not a requirement.  There certainly is no substitute or alternative for it.  If you don't want to do it, just don't.

mvance3

My FMIL wanted one as well...I told her I wasn't planning to do it (I really think it's tacky).  She persisted but ultimately I said no because this is OUR wedding not hers.  Same goes for you...and you can be polite and smile when she talks about it but you're not obligated to do anything.  

I don't know your FMIL and how um...proactive...she is, but you may also want to tell your DJ that you under no cercumstances want to do this dance...just in case she decides to make it happen on her own.  I'd also get your FI's input here...it's better to have a united front and he can tell his mother that it's not up for discussion.

jleon12lsu

Just wanted to clarify why the money dance is so common in Louisiana.  It is a Cajun tradition that was passed down from the 1800's.  I'm from the heart of "Cajun Country" here in Louisiana and have actually never been to a wedding WITHOUT a money dance.  However, there are some areas of Louisiana where the Cajun population is not as high and they do not do the money dance.  I can understand how it would seem tacky in places that traditionally do not have the money dance but in many places here in LA, no one even thinks twice about it.  

That being said, I am in agreement that if you don't want to have it, then don't.  you FI should talk to his mom and explain that you both don't want to do it.

jbyrd316

To the lady that keeps telling everyone that is it rude and tacky to have a money dance, I think you are just plain rude. 

southernbelle0915

jbyrd316 said:

To the lady that keeps telling everyone that is it rude and tacky to have a money dance, I think you are just plain rude. 

Hi @jbyrd316 - I see that you are relatively new to TK. Welcome! This thread is from almost a year ago. Please check out the date before you bump old threads to the top of the list.

Maggie0829

jbyrd316 said:

To the lady that keeps telling everyone that is it rude and tacky to have a money dance, I think you are just plain rude. 

Well I think it is rude, calling someone rude for having an opinion about the money dance that may not necessarily line up with your opinion.

And just so you know a money dance is basically asking your guests to empty their wallets (ie asking for money) which is a rude thing to do.

Jen4948

Tell your FMIL no and change the subject from now on.

And make sure your band/DJ/MC understands that there will be no money dance.

ktjanesmom

At a recent family wedding they had an auction of sorts.  All of the tables were to collect as much cash as they could and the table that had the most got to get in line first for the buffet.  I thought it was the tackiest thing I had ever seen at a wedding reception.  Somehow I dont find the dollar dance terribly tacky because people have come to expect them in certain areas/families.  But luckily my son and his fiance have decided that they didnt want to waste the time it would take up.

Dont do it just for your FMIL if you dont want to.

MobKaz

ktjanesmom said:

At a recent family wedding they had an auction of sorts.  All of the tables were to collect as much cash as they could and the table that had the most got to get in line first for the buffet.  I thought it was the tackiest thing I had ever seen at a wedding reception.  Somehow I dont find the dollar dance terribly tacky because people have come to expect them in certain areas/families.  But luckily my son and his fiance have decided that they didnt want to waste the time it would take up.

Dont do it just for your FMIL if you dont want to.

As much as I enjoy criminal/thriller/suspense shows and movies, I always cringe when I see something a bit different from the bad guy perspective.  My first thought is, "Dear Lord, why do we need to facilitate more crazy for the crazies to emulate?"

@ktjanesmom, while I am relieved to hear your son and his FI exercised common sense, I fear seeing this in print will compel someone else to think, "Now why didn't I think of that!"  I seriously wish I could delete it to avoid copy cat crazies!

[Deleted User]

Ahhhh old thread! I was really thinking of alternative ideas!!! So I'm going to share anyway!

Dollar dance alternative:

A group dance where everyone gets to "dance with the bride" (for free) and the only song I can think of is the "you make me what to shout!" Song lol but there could be an announcement like "the bride would like to invite everyone to come and share a dance with her!" So it's one song and more of like a group thing. That satisfies the dancing with people part of the dollar dance and isn't tacky!

In case anyone else is trying to think of something lol.

Also, what's a money tree? And what shoe would you wear while someone was collecting money in your shoe?? That's kinda gross to me lol I love my shoes to much to just hand them to people and hate feet enough to not want to touch other peoples shoes!

photokitty

ktjanesmom said:

At a recent family wedding they had an auction of sorts.  All of the tables were to collect as much cash as they could and the table that had the most got to get in line first for the buffet.  I thought it was the tackiest thing I had ever seen at a wedding reception.  Somehow I dont find the dollar dance terribly tacky because people have come to expect them in certain areas/families.  But luckily my son and his fiance have decided that they didnt want to waste the time it would take up.

Dont do it just for your FMIL if you dont want to.

Seriously? We do that at work for Operation Feed - you know a CHARITY! That has to be the tackiest thing I've heard yet! 

Glad your son is keeping his wedding in good taste  

Viczaesar

The best alternative to a money dance is not trying to extort money out of your guests in any way.  It's a winner every time.