Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

couple questions

When in the ceremony do the readings normally take place.  I have only been to one noncatholic service (I'm not catholic but my mom's side is and a lot of my friends are as well) and they didn't do any readings.

Would it be weird to have this as a reading?
  “The Velveteen Rabbit ” by Margery Williams

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

 

 

When does the premarital counseling normally take place?  FI wants to do it even if our church doesn't require it for weddings and I wanted to know what a good timeline is for that.

 

Thanks ladies!

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Re: couple questions

  • One of the editors at glamour had that reading at her wedding.

    Our premarital counseling is strange, because 3 churches are involved. At the main one, it's about 5 sessions, and we've spread them out over almost a year.

    Catholic parishes usually require you to start 6 months in advance. Catholic classes, retreats, etc. are usually offered quarterly.

    Jews traditionally liked short engagements, but I'd say at least 6 weeks before the wedding would be the minimum.

    The one couple I know who went to a mental health person instead of doing religious counseling was maybe 3 or 4 months before the wedding, but the pastor sent them there, so the pastoral stuff started before that.

    So, it's all over the map.
  • saacjwsaacjw member
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    I had a friend considering that reading and she read it out loud while we were hanging out. It comes of a bit macabre for my taste for a wedding. After she read it we were all kind of like, hmmm, really? The sentement is nice, but the actual wording is something that if I heard it in a wedding I'd be like, why that? If it's your taste or if the book has special significance, I'd say go for it, otherwise, I might look around for a different reading. 

    Pre-marital counciling can be any time. We started ours about a year before the wedding because we're getting married in my hometown and don't live there, so the sessions are kind of scattered. I'd recommend at least 3 or so months before though, get it out of the way before you have to do a lot of the intense planning stuff. 
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  • DH and I wrote our own ceremony.  We did three readings: one before our unity sand ceremony, one before our vows and one before we exchanged rings.  I've been to ceremonies where all of the readings are done before vows and rings.  I'd recommend talking to your officiant and googling some ceremony formats for other ideas.

    I personally do not like the Velveteen Rabbit passage as a wedding reading but I like that's because, to me, it's seems too dark and too end-of-life.  Our readings were an excerpt from a Madeline L'Engle essay, the passage from Corinthians on love, and a poem by Maya Angelou.  Again, your officiant might have suggestions or guidelines for you; we had a civil service with a very flexible officiant and could pick whatever we wanted.

    Our pre-marital counseling process started about six months before the wedding and took 4 days, including a two-day retreat.  Your church administrator should be able to help you with a timeline.  
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
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    The readings can be done at any time.  Just speak with your officiant and he/she can help guide you.

    I also don't get the Velveteen Rabbit passage for a wedding.  I understand the connections, but its just kinda dark for a wedding.
  • Our counseling started in about November.  We are wrapping up now, meeting with our sponsor couple and our wedding is in October.
  • While I have to say 'The Velveteen Rabbit' is one of my favorite stories, I also find it a bit dark for a wedding. I get the sentiment, but am just not feeling the wedding vibe from it. 
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  • We are getting married in a Methodist church and our officiant has scheduled three 1-1 meetings with us for our Oct. wedding. These will take place in July, Aug, and Sept. She had also mentioned the Prepare/Enrich test which she took herself. It is used in other Christian faiths (not Methodist centric).
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_couple-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:56d49508-0af5-4574-89c7-360f1e6fbff5Post:5fd8be77-5dd3-41b6-8341-e43befe14735">Re: couple questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are getting married in a Methodist church and our officiant has scheduled three 1-1 meetings with us for our Oct. wedding. These will take place in July, Aug, and Sept. She had also mentioned the Prepare/Enrich test which she took herself. It is used in other Christian faiths (not Methodist centric).
    Posted by amyelise25[/QUOTE]



    Oh this helps a lot since we are methodist too. Does this invove actual counseling or just wedding information?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_couple-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:56d49508-0af5-4574-89c7-360f1e6fbff5Post:5fd8be77-5dd3-41b6-8341-e43befe14735">Re: couple questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are getting married in a Methodist church and our officiant has scheduled three 1-1 meetings with us for our Oct. wedding. These will take place in July, Aug, and Sept. She had also mentioned the Prepare/Enrich test which she took herself. It is used in other Christian faiths (not Methodist centric).
    Posted by amyelise25[/QUOTE]



    Oh this helps a lot since we are methodist too. Does this invove actual counseling or just wedding information?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_couple-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:56d49508-0af5-4574-89c7-360f1e6fbff5Post:50a38bec-07a1-4502-862b-9f09ce9ef1b0">Re: couple questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: couple questions :

    Oh this helps a lot since we are methodist too. Does this invove actual counseling or just wedding information?
    Posted by joe&cassie[/QUOTE]



    I think it's a mix of counseling and planning the ceremony (readings, reviewing music, etc). If you can, talk to the officiant to see what they require. The church secretary may also have this information as well.

    Good luck!
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  • Our officiant read this story at our wedding (not one of the readings that we picked, just part of the ceremony he put together himself).  I didn't know he was going to do it ahead of time so it came as a surprise.  I personally loved it, as I had always loved that story as a child.  I guess I don't see the reading as "dark" at all personally and I think it's very fitting for talking about marriage.  I had several people tell me our marriage ceremony was the best they'd ever witnessed and that they were particularly touched by this reading, and a lot of general compliments all around.  I'd go for it if you like it!

    We did our marriage counseling in January & February, and we were married in May.
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