TWO DIFFERENT RELIGIONS

jesiwid

My family is catholic and my FI's family is Jehovah Wittness. My FI and I dont plan on practicing either relgion. But for the ceromony I was thinking of having my god parents read a pray form the catholic bible and one of my FI's family members to read a pray from the Jehovah bible. I am a little worried that my FI's family wont be up to this, or they will  be offended. I am not sure what to do. God parents reading a pray at the wedding of there godchild has always been a tradition in my family.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_two-different-religions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:58ed30a0-b780-4210-8320-8b3c045aff16Post:2014f593-0c7c-4f54-83de-d3a3fbb2ec95">TWO DIFFERENT RELIGIONS</a>:
[QUOTE]My family is catholic and my FI's family is Jehovah Wittness. My FI and I dont plan on practicing either relgion. But for the ceromony I was thinking of having my god parents read a pray form the catholic bible and one of my FI's family members to read a pray from the Jehovah bible. I am a little worried that my FI's family wont be up to this, or they will  be offended. I am not sure what to do. God parents reading a pray at the wedding of there godchild has always been a tradition in my family.
Posted by jesiwid[/QUOTE]

Ditto Stage but also, have you discussed any of this with your FI yet?  What are his opinions?

Calypso1977

if you dont plan on practicing either faith, why incorporiate the readings at all?  honestly, the catholic reading wont appease the catholic family if that's what you're going for - your marriage wont be recognized in the catholic church.  also, if you are not having a valid catholic marriage, your godparents might not even be comfortable participating in your ceremony - i know i wouldnt be if you were my godchild.

Surf*Wine*Wed

I would have FI talk to his family and ask if they're comfortable with a reading. Explain that it's your family tradition to have them involved, and gage their reaction. If not a prayer, what about a poem or something else that would represent you two as a couple.

bibliophile2010

Additionally, as I understand it, the major difference between the bibles used by the two faiths is translation (and the few books of the OT that are considered Catholic). Subsequently, having a reading from one and a reading from the other is more likely to confuse guests than make everyone feel validated.

I further understand that it might be even more radical for a Jehova's Witness to participate in what you propose than a Catholic (and you know how your Catholic family will react better than any of us).

I agree that if neither of you is practicing your faith, then you need to plan the ceremony you want and tell your family as much. If you follow through with your plans though, you will have to talk to your godparents and see how they feel.

NOLAbridealmost

I agree with tidh.  A little harsh there, Calypso.  OP just wants to incorporate elements into her ceremony that will try to make her family and his family feel at home with the ceremony.  I think it is commendable of her.  And if godparents have a problem with it, then it's their problem; not the OP's for making the gesture and reaching out and it is well within their prerogative to decline and feel like they failed in their duties. 

OP, I've never known any Jehovah Witnesses personally and I don't know much about the faith so I don't know FI's family would think.  But definitely ask FI to talk to his family in case it's completely forbidden or something to do a JW prayer at something that's not a JW ceremony. Otherwise, I think it's a really nice way to try to make both sides of the family feel comfortable at a wedding that is not the norm for them. 

Calypso1977

yes, btu the only ones who need to feel at home with the ceremony are the bride adn groom.  the day is about the two fo them, making a committment to each other and to the life they plan to live together.  if that life doesnt include religion, i just dont see why she'd want to include it on her wedding day.  i never said it was the OP's problem if her godparents decline - i just pointed out that it was a possibility that could happen.    i think OP should talk to her godparents first.  if they do decline, then that eliminates the readings altogether, since it sounds like she's only having the JW readings in response to the catholic readings.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_two-different-religions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:58ed30a0-b780-4210-8320-8b3c045aff16Post:83df7549-ffb9-43b0-9fe2-378fd269411f">Re: TWO DIFFERENT RELIGIONS</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TWO DIFFERENT RELIGIONS : its not being judgemental.  a catholic godparents job is to teach and guide their godchild in the catholic faith.  i know for me i couldnt guide my godchild in the faith and then support them turning their back on that faith by marrying outside of the church.  i would feel like i failed in my godparent duty.  id still go to the wedding, because i love my godchild, but i would not take on a major role in the wedding.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]


It is being judgemental calypso.

Also, aren't you ignoring the little fact that you have a problem with your H going to a wedding of someone marrying outside the church?  You posted that you weren't feeling right about that.  Of course, that wa on the Catholic board.

You can't flip religion around to suit your intent.

Calypso1977

Also, aren't you ignoring the little fact that you have a problem with your H going to a wedding of someone marrying outside the church?  You posted that you weren't feeling right about that.  Of course, that wa on the Catholic board.

no, my issue was with him  being Best Man in a weddng of a catholic marrying outside of the church.  playing a major role in a wedding and attending a wedding are two different things.  yes, it still shows support if you attend, but not as much as if you stand up front as a witness or to show formal support.

kellya01

If you're not going to practice JW or Catholicism as a couple, what do you do now, and what do you plan to do as a couple?  Do you have a religion or denomination you plan to adopt, or are you going the other direction, towards being agnostic or atheistic?  I don't mean to serve ANY judgment -- I just would suggest that whatever religious beliefs or faith that you and your FI currently have, THAT should be the guiding principal on how your ceremony will be, especially as regards readings, prayers, the officiant, etc.

Whatever your answer is to the religion question should guide you as far as readings.  IMO, you're inviting your families to the ceremony, they are the guests, not the people who need validating.  If one side is going to be offended on grounds of religion, that is their problem, not yours.  I would choose to make the ceremony about the marriage, not about the guests, in your case. 

good luck! 

ootmother2

I see.  Best man is a different shade of gray.

Soon2BeMrsTing

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[QUOTE]I honestly don't know how the Jehovah Witness' bible differs from the King James version.  The differences between King James and the Catholic bible aren't that great. It's just a difference in translation.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, ootmother2, but this statement is just not correct. The difference between the Bible my Catholic friend reads and my own ESV is considerable.  It is much more than a disparity in translation of the kind that is found among the King James, the NIV and the NLT, NASV or TNIV, for instance.  There are what Protestants refer to as 'non-canonical' books in the Catholic Bible, such as Judith and Tobit, that none of the above-mentioned Protestant Bibles contain.

From what I have seen, the disparity between the Bible the Jehovah's Witnesses use and the Protestant Bibles is even greater.  For instance, in the first verse of the first chapter of the Gospel of John in my ESV (English Standard Version), the scripture reads "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."  In the Jehovah's Witness Bibles I have seen, that same verse reads  "the Word was a god."  To many Protestants and Catholics both, there is a world of difference.

OP, I would plan the ceremony that represents you and your FI's beliefs.  If your FI agrees to involve them, have you asked your godparents if they would be willing to be a part of the ceremony?

strasbjl

ootmother2 love your last comment! So true!

sngraf I would hope you feel comfortable with FI and his parents to have a discussion about what religious items they would prefer to add to your ceremony.  It does not mean you have to incorporate all of them, but at least have the conversation and know where they stand on the subject and then go from there.  It is your wedding, you two should only do what is right for you, but if you are that concerned with incorporating everyone elses religious beliefs then ask all parties involved what they would like to add to your wedding,  Communication is the key.  And stay away from hard core catholics...seriously, has anyone heard of religious tolerance?

Riss91

In Response to Re: TWO DIFFERENT RELIGIONS:
[QUOTE And stay away from hard core catholics...seriously, has anyone heard of religious tolerance?
Posted by strasbjl[/QUOTE]

Ha! I find your statement intolerent, and quite hypocritical.

ootmother2

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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TWO DIFFERENT RELIGIONS : I'm sorry, ootmother2, but this statement is just not correct. The difference between the Bible my Catholic friend reads and my own ESV is considerable.  It is much more than a disparity in translation of the kind that is found among the King James, the NIV and the NLT, NASV or TNIV, for instance.  There are what Protestants refer to as 'non-canonical' books in the Catholic Bible, such as Judith and Tobit, that none of the above-mentioned Protestant Bibles contain. From what I have seen, the disparity between the Bible the Jehovah's Witnesses use and the Protestant Bibles is even greater.  For instance, in the first verse of the first chapter of the Gospel of John in my ESV (English Standard Version), the scripture reads "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."  In the Jehovah's Witness Bibles I have seen, that same verse reads  "the Word was a god."  To many Protestants and Catholics both, there is a world of difference. OP, I would plan the ceremony that represents you and your FI's beliefs.  If your FI agrees to involve them, have you asked your godparents if they would be willing to be a part of the ceremony?
Posted by Soon2BeMrsTing[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the info Mrs.Ting

I've studied several religions but somehow this one missed me

ootmother2

and I happen to be a "hard line Catholic" but I am surely aware of knowledge and tolerence of other's religions.

Enami

I don't think Calypso is being judgemental at all. I mean, if you swear before your God that you would help raise said child in a Godly manner, contributing to what your faith teaches as something that is unGodly would be breaking that vow. I'm sorry, but vows between people and their God(s) trump political correctness any day. Though I think that people that fight in the name of loving Gods are acting against the nature of their God(s), but thats just me. I'd attend the wedding because its important to the couple, but I wouldn't participate in active way during the religious ceremony. Just have fun and be happy for them at their reception.

My FI and are in the same boat, OP. But we aren't having each others families read anything that goes against their beliefs. That to me is rude. Why not have the JW's do the JW reading, and the Catholics read the Catholic reading. In my case, I'm the only one in both our immediate families that isn't Chrsitian at all, but I am also not a member of a revealed religion, so there are no sacred texts and such. So we were planning on asking his mother to read a Bible verse that he and I will select together, and asking my mother to read an excerpt of Irish poetry (I'm leaning towards the Wooing of Etain), since Celtic culture is what my spiritual beliefs are based on. And we're not having specific deities mentioned in the ceremony. At least we both believe in a God(s), so using "God" works for both of us, we just view the who of that term to be different.

Enami

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[QUOTE]seriously, has anyone heard of religious tolerance?
Posted by strasbjl[/QUOTE]

There's a HUGE difference between religious tolerance and actively taking a role in a religious ceremony. My FI is Christian, I am a Celtic Recon. I haven't taken the sacrement of communion since I converted, to me that is highly disrespectful and intolerant of the religion. I mean, its about taking Jesus into you. Why on earth would I want to do that, especially since I don't "believe" in Jesus? If its about saving face, that's sad and sick; religion is more than just a social obligation, its the highest spiritual journey a person will ever make make. And to many Christians, marriage is just as sacred as Communion. I also would feel very offended if my FI attended one of my religious festivals and took an active role in something that he thought was a lie. Thank goodness we both feel strongly about our beliefs that this will never be an issue (though fantasies of FI joining hands around a bonfire to bless the cattle makes me bust up laughing). We support each other's beliefs, and may attend church or gathering together, but when it comes to taking an active role in something we don't believe in, we draw the line there.

Riss91

Religious tolerance doesn't mean that everyone should do whatever anyone else wants them to do, regardless of whether they agree with it or not. Intolerance comes in when you actively persecute someone else because they do not share your beliefs.

I feel it's completely intolerant to ask someone to go against their own moral and religious beliefs and sacrifice the state of their soul just for your wedding ceremony. It is not intolerant to gracefully decline a request when it contradicts your beliefs.

jesiwid

I am not asking his family to read something from my bible at all. I am asking they say  something from my FI's religion and I have my god parents say something from my faith. My god parents have no problem with the inter faith marriage. It is the 20th centery you know not everyone still marrys in the same faith these days.

aerinpegadrak

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[QUOTE]I am not asking his family to read something from my bible at all. I am asking they say  something from my FI's religion and I have my god parents say something from my faith. My god parents have no problem with the inter faith marriage. It is the 20th centery you know not everyone still marrys in the same faith these days.
Posted by jesiwid[/QUOTE]
But if neither of you plan to practice, then it's not really "your faith," is it?  It's your parents' faith.  I was raised Catholic and DH was raised Christian, but we both decided long ago that we didn't buy into it anymore, and there was no mention of religion at all in our ceremony.

Riss91

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[QUOTE] My god parents have no problem with the inter faith marriage. It is the 20th centery you know not everyone still marrys in the same faith these days.
Posted by jesiwid[/QUOTE]

You missed my point completely. My point was not that your Godparents would disapprove of an interfaith marriage. Catholics are allowed to marry non-Catholics and non-Christians. My point was the specific task of your Godparents physically assisting in your ceremony when that ceremony will go against their Church and against what they promised to do as your Godparent. I realize not everyone would have a problem with this. But, someone who is very devout and takes their role as Godparent according to the Church seriously, may feel uncomfortable taking an active role (ie reading a passage) when doing so could put them in a state of sin in their own faith and would break their promise as a Godparent.

All I was trying to say was - don't take it personally and don't force or guilt anyone into participating in your ceremony if they are not comfortable.