Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary?

transcriber87

Hello everyone! My rehearsal is next Wed..For months now, my Moms friend has been saying, You know FI has to pay for the rehearsal dinner?  I don't feel like we really need to have a rehearsal dinner...Here are a couple of reasons...

They are usually hosted by the grooms parents...his Dad passed away in June and he really doesn't talk that much to his Mom, who doesn't have any money to even pay her bills.

My one BM has to find a sitter for her 2 kids to come to rehearsal, FI Best man has a long drive to Indiana (we live in Hamilton Ohio) and has a newborn he wants to get home to.  I plan to give my BM her gift that evening before we leave the rehearsal..FI, as much as I reminded him, coaxed him, he didn't get anything for his guys  

So all in all, we are not having a rehearsal dinner and is it THAT big of a deal that we don't?

theelusive1

Nope.  I know of a lot of people who do not have a rehersal dinner. 

AdeleDazeem

You're asking that these people take time out of their day to travel, walk around (somewhat pointlessly if we're being honest), and be there for you in anticipation of your wedding day.  The least you can do is host them some food and drink.

Rehearsal dinners do not have to be elaborate, hosted by the groom's family, or even in a restaurant.  Bring some pizza and soda and call it day.  But, if you are going to have a rehearsal, you need to host the participating people in some fashion.

jemmini6

Ditto Stage and Joy.  These people are making a lot of effort (getting sitters, driving a distance) to come rehearse your wedding for YOU, the least you can do is feed them something to show your appreciation.  Keep in mind though, it does NOT have to be anything fancy.  Ordering a few pizzas is more than enough, it just needs to be something to thank them for their time.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinnersare-they-absolutely-necessary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:59f4e814-e47b-4c29-82d4-7d6858d9cff5Post:0f81071e-589b-4ffd-a018-7c92add80df3">Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello everyone! My rehearsal is next Wed..For months now, my Moms friend has been saying, You know FI has to pay for the rehearsal dinner?  I don't feel like we really need to have a rehearsal dinner...Here are a couple of reasons... They are usually hosted by the grooms parents...his Dad passed away in June and he really doesn't talk that much to his Mom, who doesn't have any money to even pay her bills. <strong>My one BM has to find a sitter for her 2 kids to come to rehearsal, FI Best man has a long drive to Indiana (we live in Hamilton Ohio) and has a newborn he wants to get home to. </strong> I plan to give my BM her gift that evening before we leave the rehearsal..FI, as much as I reminded him, coaxed him, he didn't get anything for his guys :(  So all in all, we are not having a rehearsal dinner and is it THAT big of a deal that we don't?
Posted by transcriber87[/QUOTE]

Read that bolded part. They're going to all that trouble -- for you -- and you don't even want to pony up the dough for a few Hot-n-Readys from Little Caesars? Nice.

Yeah, it's that big of a deal.

libby2483

Yep, I agree with PPs that if you are having a rehearsal, you need to have a rehearsal dinner.  While the groom's family traditionally hosts this, they aren't obligated to.  Just host what you can afford.  We are doing a fish fry for our reherasal dinner - nothing too fancy.  You could also just do an inexpensive meal pizza, BBQ, pasta.  You could even get hot dogs and chips and grill out in your own backyard.  There are lots of way to show your appreciated and keep it cheap!

Avion22

Yep, host something. I've been to a few casual RDs (including my own) and actually really appreciated that they were low-key affairs....wedding weekends can be long and involve lots of outfit changes and big heavy meals....it's nice to just give people a relaxed, casual atmosphere to hang out. Pizza, hamburgers, BBQ, whatever....but have something.

MelissaC315

It doesn't have to be anything fancy. It could be as simple as a backyard BBQ afterwards or dinner at someone's home. I would feed people though.

MyNameIsNot

If you have a rehearsal, you need to feel the people that come rehearse.  The idea that the groom's (or the bride's) parents are responsible for hosting anything is outdated and no longer true.  It is the couple's responsibility to host everything until someone else offers.  

If you think you want/need the rehearsal, plan a dinner after.  Inviting everyone over for something simple is fine, or taking them to a simple restaurant is fine too.  You don't have to invite a ton of people; just those rehearsing and their s/o's.  

Lisa50

I don't think it's a big deal not to have a rehearsal dinner.  If the rehearsal is early enough that your wedding party has to skip dinner, thought, it might be nice to buy everyone pizza and beer.

I agree with what Retread said.  We didn't have a rehearsal.  H, my best man and I took (tried to) a couple of friends who were in from out of town to dinner (then, as a surprise, they picked up the check).

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinnersare-they-absolutely-necessary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:59f4e814-e47b-4c29-82d4-7d6858d9cff5Post:3c5d33ca-1b60-41c3-858a-71921546be30">Re:Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary?: Pizza and beer IS a rehearsal dinner.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

But they didn't do a rehearsal. I think she's saying they just went out to dinner the night before the wedding.

We are not doing a rehearsal. The coordinators at our venue told us they plan on giving everyone the run-down when we arrive on the day of the wedding.

ETA: Nevermind, I thought you were responding to the second part of her post, not the first.

cmcole4509

Yes you need to have a RD if you have a rehearsal. However, like most people have been saying you can do pizzas or something cheap. At a wedding that my fiance was a groomsman in they had some sandwich platters and bags of chips for everyone. Something small, but it was definitely appreciated. I'm sure you can find something relatively cheap that will work for you! Keep your head up. It will all work out.

transcriber87

The only reason we are having a rehearsal is my 3 year old daughter LOL! I want her to know what to expect rather than the next day, she comes out and freezes or goes running or something..If we ALL didn't have small children that has bedtimes, we wouldn't be in such a rush to get it over and my BM get home to her kids, best man works in town and is coming straight from work and will have a long drive home, my 3 yr old has an 8 to 8:30 bedtime as the next morning, we are working and she is gettng up at 7 or 7:30..we are not allowed to bring food into our venue so bringing stuff there is out of the question. We have no readers or ushers or musicians...For 'Etiquette' sake, we might just go by ourselves and have my 3 yr old practice..?

transcriber87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinnersare-they-absolutely-necessary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:59f4e814-e47b-4c29-82d4-7d6858d9cff5Post:023bd787-f5c2-4cba-b15d-d644fdf04781">Re: Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary? : Read that bolded part. They're going to all that trouble -- for you -- and you don't even want to pony up the dough for a few Hot-n-Readys from Little Caesars? Nice. Yeah, it's that big of a deal.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]


Its not that I don't want to pony up the dough, I could certainly borrow $20.00 from my Mom but none of us really care for thos $5.00 pizzas..Like I said below, the reason we are rehearsing is for my 3 yr old daughter, flower girl..I will figure out something between now and then..Thanks for your replies ladies!

zitiqueen

Well, I wasn't really serious about the Hot-n-Readys, but like somebody else mentioned, a sandwich/cold-cuts platter and a few bags of chips and 2-liters of soda will do just fine. My favorite rehearsal dinners have been the laid back pizza-and-beer ones. The snooty-boot formal dinners where you only talk to the people sitting next to you have always been a drag.

Peledreamsofrain

I would also vote for doing the RD.  I was the MOH for my sister's wedding, and she skipped the rehersal dinner.

I had never been in a wedding before, and I had NO IDEA what I was supposed to do, where I was supposed to stand, or what was expected of me.  It was deeply stressful, and I looked stressed in her pics (I really wanted to do things right, but had to guess my way through my duties). I had assumed that since she had skipped the formalities of the RD, she would skip the formalities of everything else.  No such luck for me.

The RD isn't for you, it's for your party.  Be nice to them, throw them a bone.  It'll make everyone's day easier and less stressful.  Plus feeding family is always a good thing and a bonding experience.

willywally5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinnersare-they-absolutely-necessary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:59f4e814-e47b-4c29-82d4-7d6858d9cff5Post:9366e47b-342f-4255-b6ec-769e5103892c">Re: Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary? : Its not that I don't want to pony up the dough, I could certainly borrow $20.00 from my Mom but none of us really care for thos $5.00 pizzas..Like I said below, the reason we are rehearsing is for my 3 yr old daughter, flower girl..I will figure out something between now and then..Thanks for your replies ladies!
Posted by transcriber87[/QUOTE]

<div>You really need to host something if you are having a rehearsal. It sounds like the crowd would be small. It only needs to be WP, reader, officiant, musicians and their SOs. It doesn't have to be expensive by any means. </div><div>
</div><div>Maybe you could just take your daughter to the church so she could see it and feel comfortable and go over what she needs to do? I don't know if that would be enough to get her feeling OK about her role or not. </div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, the deal is rehearsal = rehearsal dinner. You need to figure it out. </div>

ncb1988

<div>No. It's your wedding... your way. Maybe a simple get-together for a drink afterwards? We're having our wedding at a vineyard and instead of a rehearsal dinner we've arranged for a wine tasting and tour. Simple and less expensive. </div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinnersare-they-absolutely-necessary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:59f4e814-e47b-4c29-82d4-7d6858d9cff5Post:0f81071e-589b-4ffd-a018-7c92add80df3">Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello everyone! My rehearsal is next Wed..For months now, my Moms friend has been saying, You know FI has to pay for the rehearsal dinner?  I don't feel like we really need to have a rehearsal dinner...Here are a couple of reasons... They are usually hosted by the grooms parents...his Dad passed away in June and he really doesn't talk that much to his Mom, who doesn't have any money to even pay her bills. My one BM has to find a sitter for her 2 kids to come to rehearsal, FI Best man has a long drive to Indiana (we live in Hamilton Ohio) and has a newborn he wants to get home to.  I plan to give my BM her gift that evening before we leave the rehearsal..FI, as much as I reminded him, coaxed him, he didn't get anything for his guys :(  So all in all, we are not having a rehearsal dinner and is it THAT big of a deal that we don't?
Posted by transcriber87[/QUOTE]

transcriber87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinnersare-they-absolutely-necessary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:59f4e814-e47b-4c29-82d4-7d6858d9cff5Post:2922427c-35bf-4a08-aec6-64488b29e7e8">Re: Rehearsal dinners....are they absolutely necessary?</a>:
[QUOTE]What about hotdogs? Get some dogs, potato salad, and beans.  Have a barbecue. Stouffer's makes great frozen lasagna.  Make some salad and toast som garlic bread. The fact that it's "your wedding" is not a license to be rude to your wedding party.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the advice..I must say though that I am not a type of person that thinks "its my wedding" so I will do what I want and never ever intended to "be rude" to my wedding party. In talking with my bridesmaid this weekend, she has to leave right after we are done rehearsing (if we all DO rehearse) because she has homework to get done, FI's best man took him out this weekend and told him that he had to leave right afterwards too, he works IN town and won't be far from the rehearsal place and he wants to get home to his baby..So that leaves me, FI, my Mom and my daughter and FI other groomsman who plans on coming over after all the kids, including mine, are in bed to drink.  So we are ALL planning to have a grill out on Thursday at our house..problem solved!