Here is my 'memorial' plan

transcriber87

I was very close to both my grandpa and grandma..My grandpa died in June 2010 and my grandma just passed at the end of October 2011..16 months apart.  I am getting a couple of pics of them framed, one in their earlier years and one of the last ones of them together in the nursing home and putting it on a small table with a yellow candle..my grandma AND my daughters favorite color.  I NEED to do this and I WANT to do this as does my Mom. My grandmas favorite song was Soul Sister by Train and right now, we plan on having that played during the reception, not sure..My Mom and I both still cry when we hear it on the radio so that song selection might be nixed but we think about her being there and that would be a song she would have loved to dance to..what are your thoughts on doing just a candle and a couple of pics?

Peavy

I'm sorry for your loss.  It must be difficult not to have your grandparents there for your wedding. 
But please remember, people are there to celebrate you wedding, not to attend another memorial for your grandparents.  It's a happy occasion, so whatever you choose to do, keep it personal and subtle.

futuremrsbruno

I agree with PP. Losing anyone is hard and I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I think the frame with the pictures and the candle is a very nice idea. I would leave it at that. Think of your grandma, she would want you and the rest of your family to be celebrating your happy day, not being upset over her. The memorial to your grandparents is fitting without having to put you, your mom, or your guests through the emotions of playing a song.

OliveOilsMom

H's dad passed away 8 years ago.  There are still songs that his mom can't listen to without her crying.  So we asked our DJ to put them on the Do Not Play List.  I don't think H or I would want to put her through something so upsetting on a joyous day.  If you can't even listen to the song on the radio without being upset, I don't think I would want to go through with that on my wedding day.  It's emotional enough!

I would leave your memorial to your pictures and candle.  And what about your FI's grandparents?  If they are not around any longer, his family may feel slighted if they are not included in this memorial.

GoodLuckBear14

I agree with PPs.

DH lost his mom more than a decade ago.  For our wedding, we had photgraphs of his parents and my parents on their wedding days on the table with the unity water.  We moved them to the reception area and placed them by the guest book afterwards.

Simply Fated

Your grandmother's favorite song was Soul Sister? Your grandmother sounds awesome. Although, I prefer the Darren Criss version, myself.   (Don't click on that link if you'll cry.)

Here's the thing... you don't NEED to do it. You want to do it and that's the big difference. It's inevitable you'll be very sad on your wedding day because you miss her. You'll probably even cry. A lot. But it sounds like you are trying to force the tears and cause others to wallow in your grief with you.

Stick with the candles and the pictures. Leave the song for another day. 

pisha82

They make memory candles, you can google it and they are candles that have picture on them of the people you want to remember. We are doing this for my FI mom who died. We are doing the candle with a picture and flowers around it. You can also have things written on the candles. Another idea is to put something in your programs, In Loving Memory of grandparents names. As far as the song goes we are playing his moms favorite songs at the reception. Weddings bring out tears and happyness and you never know you may or may not be upset by hearing the song. It may make you happy you played it. I would play the song, I think you may regret it if you dont. I have also seen people do the empty seat, basically you reserve the seat they would have sat in and put the persons picture on the seat. We are not doing that. I feel it would make too many people upset. You also have the option of having whoever if marrying you say something in memory of those who have passed. Doing a memorial is something common for us. It makes you feel like the person you loved is still there, just remember no matter how you do a memorial your grandparents are still with your and very much loved.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_here-is-my-memorial-plan?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:5cfa7343-4a19-4062-9b84-3dfd9bc4931cPost:6fe024a4-413a-4e5a-a5d9-47569904ad6d">Re: Here is my 'memorial' plan</a>:
[QUOTE]They make memory candles, you can google it and they are candles that have picture on them of the people you want to remember. <strong>We are doing this for my FI mom who died. We are doing the candle with a picture and flowers around it.</strong> You can also have things written on the candles. Another idea is to put something in your programs, In Loving Memory of grandparents names. As far as the song goes we are playing his moms favorite songs at the reception. Weddings bring out tears and happyness and you never know you may or may not be upset by hearing the song. It may make you happy you played it. I would play the song, I think you may regret it if you dont. I have also seen people do the empty seat, basically you reserve the seat they would have sat in and put the persons picture on the seat. We are not doing that. I feel it would make too many people upset. You also have the option of having whoever if marrying you say something in memory of those who have passed. Doing a memorial is something common for us. It makes you feel like the person you loved is still there, just remember no matter how you do a memorial your grandparents are still with your and very much loved.
Posted by pisha82[/QUOTE]

Is your FFIL okay with this?

transcriber87

thanks for your input everyone!  My FI is fine with it, he understands how I am.  I asked him if he would like his grandparents pics up also, he never really knew them so he said no..his father is battling cancer and could pass anyday now but he is still hanging in there, past the timeline the doc gave him but hopefully he will still be surviving the cancer by the wedding date and Andy has a plan of skyping the ceremony so his Dad can watch.  And to Retreadbride, I have no other family on my Mothers side except for her and she also wants to do it.  I will have to look into those candles that you can get a picture on..Thanks again everyone for your input

pisha82

Yes my FFIL is ok with this, everyone would be so mad at us if we didnt do anything. We actually talked about it today. For his family its almost insulting if you do not honor loved ones who have pasted. Part of the convo today involved who else we should include. Grandparents ect.

Miss_2010

My FI's mom passed away several years ago.  Obviously this will be a difficult time for him and his family.  He wants to honor her presence but not make it another funeral all over again.  Instead of a unity candle, we are doing a memorial candle in church, he and I will light it for his mom's "presence" during the ceremony and his niece will sing while we do that.  My bouquet will have a lily or two in it because that was his mother's favourite flower.  My bouquet will be laid on her grave the next day.  His sister wanted to put pictures up of his mom but we opted out of that for the sheer fact we felt it was a memorial then not a wedding.  And with the other tidbits, it was too much.

ChellaTims

I have a situation pretty similar situation but both of my mothers parents died when she was young and my fathers mother died when I was 6. I know here in the south it's a tradition to have a handkerchief with your mothers name, her mother, her mothers and so forth and when each woman is wed her name is embroidered on the handkerchief before the wedding and it's usually wrapped around the bride's bouquet and she carries it down the isle. I plan to do this but sadly we don't have one that was passed down through the family so I'm going to make my own with not only my mother to my g-g-great grandmother but my FH's maternal line too. In this way they are being remembered by those that loved them and miss them but it's mainly a way for them to be a part of my wedding day without having to make a memorial that might have an effect on family and friends in a way that's other than joyous.

Peaceflower17

We are doing something slmilar for my grandmother and FI's brother (who was only 17 at the time). We are doing Astromerias for my gram and Rosemary for BIL in the boquets. We are also putting pennies on the tables with the favor cards for BIL because he "leaves" us pennies all the time. Only people who already know this would know the significance.

Also, we are not doing a physical favor. We are making a donation in BIL name from each guest to a suicide awareness foundation (BIL committed suicide). We made cards that each person can take with them in memory if they wish.