2nd weddings

Shaypay

Help, I am planning my upcoming wedding. It is a 2nd marriage for both me and my fi. He is 29 and i am 26. he has 2 kids and i have 1. The problem is my mom. She keeps telling me 2nd marriages should not be as big as ur 1st. and the bride shouldnt wear white poofy dress. My mom has even mentioned that I shouldnt make a big deal over the reception cause its a 2nd. My fi and i are paying for everything ourselves. It has been 5 years since my 1st and 10 since his. So my question is: What do u think is propper ettiquet for 2nd weddings? Any and all advice welcoome please

megk8oz

Both of my parents got remarried, and I was in their second weddings. I remember them being kind of like what first weddings are, only a little more sub-dued.

When my mom got married the first time, she wore a floor length gown with train and a veil. For the second wedding, she wore a shorter white dress, that looked very Jackie O. (Minus the pill box hat), instead of a hat or a veil, she just wore some white flowers in her hair. My step-dad wore just a really nice tan suit. Both ceremonies were held in a church. The first reception was at the Knight's of Columbus, the 2nd reception was held in the basement of a bar (This sounds bad, but actually it was a nice place, my family held christenings and stuff there, too).

When my bio dad remarried, he had the ceremony in a park, and then they held the reception at a banquet hall. He wore a plain black suit, my step-mom wore a floor lenth gown (I don't think she had a train) and a white hat instead of a veil.

The 2nd time around both guest lists were a little smaller (But not by much-they essentially invited all the same people from the first wedding, but they both married into smaller families the second time), and aside from a MOH and Best Man, the only BP they had were me and my older sister as flower girls.

In both weddings, they just told the MOH and BM to "look nice" instead of picking out outfits for them, and there wasn't really a color scheme.  Neither had favors or programs, I think bouquets were skipped, people just wore corsages and bouts, bio-dad had very simple center pieces, but if I remember right, the banquet hall provided them ...
 
It actually seemed like when they got married the second time they took out all of the b.s. details that everybody focuses on that hardly anybody actually pays attention to.

Here's what I think: the poufy white ballgown personally sounds like "too much" to me, unless you didn't wear one in your first wedding (Then, why not?). However, if you did wear one already, then I still think you can wear a white gown, just maybe a more sub-dued one.

Otherwise, just plan it how you normally would, it's your money. Obviously, I haven't been in your shoes, so I don't know what's proper, but I know what my parents did, and nobody seemed to mind.

MyNameIsNot

The idea that a second time bride shouldn't wear a white dress and have a big wedding is a little outdated, IMHO.  (But it was totally the norm 20 years ago, so I can see why your mom still thinks that way.)  You should probably talk to some of your other relatives and friends and see what their perspective is and get an idea of how you will be percieved.  The last thing you want to do is put in all this effort into planning a wedding and having your guests think you are being ridiculous.

I agree with PP that a more subdued white dress and skipping some of the traditions makes sense.

One place where etiquette has not changed, it is still considered rude to have a registry or showers the second time around. 

handfast4me

There's a board just for women like us.  It's called Second Weddings--look for it on the special topics section--basically we just do what we want.  After all, it's your first wedding to this man.

kittenfantastico76

bottom line - it's your wedding - do what you and your fiance like!

katrinka000

This will be my FH and my 2nd wedding.  I have beed divorced for 12 yrs.  I tried to "down play" the whole wedding thing...simple dress...no flower girls...etc but EVERYONE kept asking me about it. (i mean they asked about my flower gilrs and how many bridesmaids I was going to have, was I getting a fabulous dress, where I am registered).  I almost felt like I had to down play the whole thing because it was my second wedding.  In the end I got a white dress w/ tulle...we have 2 flower girls..and are having a decent size reception.  It was like I was the only one who thought it should be different because it was #2.  Only thing I'm not doing is having my dad walk me down and give me away and that's because I have lived outside of the home for 15yrs so it seems kinda silly for him to "give me away". 

P.S.  everyone keeps asking me where I am registered..so tomorrow my FH and I are going to register!!