Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

My Mother is Jealous of My Relationship with My Future Mother-In-Law

I didn't know where else to put this, and I've had a similar duscussion at the Nest, so I could use some advice, input or just to vent.
In general, my mother seems to be jealous of the relationship I have with my future mother-in-law, as it is very cordial, loving, and supportive. FMIL treats me as she would her own daughter, and she only has sons, so I think that enhances the bond- she's excited to have a girl in the family. I like her very much, too.
Sadly, I can't seem to say or do a thing that even remotely involves my FMIL without my mom cringing (and with planning a wedding and having a healthy relationship with this new side of my family, she is bound to come up!). I can hear the dissatisfaction in her voice when anything having to do with her comes up. That makes me feel terrible, because I have a great relationship with my mom, too, and I don't want her to be upset.
Funny thing is, my mom actually does enjoy my FMIL's company-in general, she finds her pleasant and fun, but I guess my mom just feels like she has to compete.
Going forward, she is going to have to accept my relationship with her, but HOW can I make this easier before things get harder (the wedding, holidays, future kids, etc) or am I kidding myself? Help!

Re: My Mother is Jealous of My Relationship with My Future Mother-In-Law

  • Reeree1017, I understand how you feel. We have a lot in common here!
    Interestingly enough, my mom has spent a few occasions with my FMIL, likes her genuinely (or certainly has a fun time with her at picnics, etc- she can never stop talking about how much fun she has at them!) and yet she gets upset with the mention of her name --- She seems to like FMIL in presence or her own thoughts, but is jealous if it seems I'mthinking of her or bringing her up.

    It's hard being in the middle and trying to treat include both in special and sometimes individual ways. I try to include my mom from a distance (she's in OH, I'm in FL) and make her feel special, but it's tough.

    That said, I am also having a little issue with the gown fitting and these mothers! FMIL is attending the final fitting, months from now, but my mom seems irked by this. She wanted it to be only for her & me, but because FMIL felt left-out when she wanted to see the gown, I invited FMIL & my sister, too- trying to cover all bases. Assuming mom could be put off by this, I asked for her opinion before taking action- and she told me to invite them both to prevent future discord. However, now she herself has hinted that "I gave in" by inviting these ladies. I can see her point, but I'm trying to keep the peace overall and I feel like I can't win. And she gave her blessing, or so I thought. Ugh.
    /end rant. Let me know if you ever want to discuss your FMIL/mom issues further!
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