Length of Engagement

Mimi623

Hi everyone.  I'm sure this sounds like a dumb question but I was just wondering how long is an acceptable engagement period.  I know most people tend to have a one year engagement.  My fiance and I are paying for our wedding and in order to have the wedding we would like it's going to take us longer than that.  Would like 18 months or so be considered to long?

vgmartinez

Your engagement can and should be as long as you need it to be. Ours was 18 months because we needed the time to plan and save money. Some people are engaged for 3 months (or shorter) and some for 3 years or longer.

quotequeen

18 months is fine.  I would consider anything over 2 years to be long.  But even if people do consider it long, who cares?  Do whatever's right for you.

desert*bride

however long you want it to be. we have actually been engaged for 4 years! haha. some would say perhaps we jumped the gun on the engagement, but I don't care. we really didn't have any desire to plan a wedding at the time but we wanted people to consider us to be in a "real" committed relationship - people respect your relationship more when you say you are engaged. I really don't care if people think we've been engaged for too long, and you shouldn't either. what matters is that you do what is best for you. and 18 months is certainly not too long - many couples take more than a year.

bbyckes

We were engaged for 18 months as well.  It was the perfect length for us.  It gave us time to save and plan.  It also left enough of a time cushion for unexpected things.  I would do what's best for you and your FI and not really worry about what others think.

Amivy06

18 months is fine. Some even go as long as two years. By the time we get married, FI and I will have been engaged for 20 months.

JenO24

We've been engaged for 8 months and are getting married next month and I thought that was fast, but I've seen some old friends on FB who have been engaged from 3 - 6 months and then get married.  To each their own, but I cannot imagine plannong a wedding that quickly!  HaHa...I thought mine was fast!!!

golden1215

FI and I will have been engaged for 3 years by the time we finally tie the knot

paramedicswife

I think it depends on your individual situation.

FI & I were engaged for 4 years before we started seriously planning or even thought about setting a date. I wanted to get my 4-yr degree before we got married, and he knew that all along. So our engagement was 4 yrs 10 mths but our planning period was 17 months.

LesPaul

Whatever works for you.  DH and I were engaged 15 months, which was good for our situation.  My first marriage I was engaged 4 days (I don't recommend this to anyone!).

HKD817

When my fiance and I get married this November we will have been engaged for 16 months.

carmelleburger

I don't think there are any real rules today, but the ideal length would probably be at least 6 months, allowing for planning, financial details and families to work with you on the details and arrangements (if involved).  Bottom line...if it's only the two of you paying for it, only you and your best friend know how long it will take to get it all together to get the biggest celebration of your life together.  Not necessarily about etiquette but about doing what's right for both of you... 

msblumoo

By the time we get married this November we will have been engaged for 18 months. It sounded like a loonngg time last year at this time, but let me tell you the time flys, and imo it is the perfect length for enjoying your new engaged status and the the soon to be whirlwind planning. Congratulations!

LuluP82

I'm really, really judgmental about engagement length, and even I think 18 months is fine.

To me, you get engaged when you're ready to get married. Period. You don't get engaged because it's time, or you want to be taken more seriously. You get engaged when you're ready to set a date.

That said, there are many considerations. Let's say, you get engaged in the winter, and have always wanted a summer wedding, but you don't have funds to do it this summer. Then by all means, set a date for the next summer, and be engaged for 18 months!

I judge and find it silly (and don't *really* take seriously) when people get "engaged" but have no clue when their wedding will be. But that's just me. I don't think you need to know right away (I got annoyed when I called to tell ppl he'd just proposed and they'd be like oooh do you have a date?) but you should have a general idea. And if you're not ready to be married within a couple of years...then maybe hold off on the engagement.

NOW-- if the couple had a date set and everything and then something happened that meant they had to change the date, I wouldn't judge. I'm just talking about the people who're engaged but really have no intention of planning a wedding anytime soon.

obxbride17

18 months is perfectly fine! We will be engaged for 15 months...need time to plan, save money, save vacation time, and wait for the right time of year for a beach wedding. There are all sorts of reasons for people to have a long engagement, so don't sweat it one bit.

As one of my married bridesmaids told me...enjoy being engaged! It's the best part of getting married because once you're married, the attention disappears until you get pregnant. Lol!!

Audrey&Austin

By the time we get married, my FI and I will have been engaged for about 20 months. It was the perfect amount of time for us so we could plan and save for what we wanted.

My FI's mom and "step dad" have been engaged for about 20 years, though, so we didn't have any need to rush.

staceytaylor0704

Yep, I agree with PPs- nothing wrong with a long engagement. FI and I will only be having a 5 month engagement, but I would lose my mind if it were any longer. This way I only took off 1 semester from school to plan, etc.

JCM10

You're smart to make it a long engagement in order to save! A lot of people on here try to ask opinions about using credit cards for a wedding, since they "don't have time to save enough." That never ends well!

I'm going to have a 22 month engagement. I'm already 6 months in, and it went so fast! I can't imaging planning a wedding in less than a year! I've greatly enjoyed just getting to be engaged in general, and all the fun looking (without the commitment required in actually picking vendors). 18 months sounds definitely reasonable!

Mimi623

Thank you everyone for your comments.  I feel alot better about the legnth of time.  At first when I mentioned it to some people what we were thinking their reactions made me feel that it might be too long.  You're all right.  We both work full time and I'm working on my Master's.  I think this will give us time to save and get things done without stressing myself out to much.

[Deleted User]

18 months is fine. Our engagement was about 15 months. It is whatever you and your FI need to save money, finish school, etc.

Audrey&Austin

Some people might make comments to you about the fact that it seems long to them, but from what I've gathered most couples are engaged 15-20 months. I don't think most people realize how much work goes into planning the average wedding, or how much money! Just try not to get too excited with all of the planning, don't start giving out ever detail as you plan. I started out that way because I was excited, then I realized not everyone is as excited as I am about the planning process.

Enjoy your engagement and congratulations!!

FutureMrsJT

My FI and I got engaged last week and we're looking to get married 9-4-11...

greenic

Mine will be 6 months and 1 week haha.

gundy21

We will be 1 day short of 8 months.  Both working full time, and I think it is more than enough time to plan.  Keeping it simple and not spending a fortune.

slubkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_length-of-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:6c069443-b8fa-4033-aa8a-728f42ab3fc2Post:4c438acf-a389-4283-9ee8-b1f249add030">Re: Length of Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]We were engaged for 18 months as well.  It was the perfect length for us.  It gave us time to save and plan.  It also left enough of a time cushion for unexpected things.  I would do what's best for you and your FI and not really worry about what others think.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]
^ This for me as well.  A couple people commented that it was far out, but when I told them it was because we needed time to save to pay for everything ourselves, I think they understood that.

I had budgeted for our wedding pretty early on and then calculated how much we'd need to save each month to meet that goal.  So far, we are just about on target!

jenn.daniel

Our engagement is 25 months.  We decided to wait until FI finishes med school.  We're getting married in his hometown, so I thought it would take longer to plan from a distance anyway.