Parents Wedding Gifts

kkerr02

OK, so apparently it is tradition to get both sets of parents a gift when you get married. Well, I don't feel it's neccessary to get the groom's parents a gift considering they don't plan on helping out with anything and even asking them to help with something that doesn't involve money is a hassle. They always have something negative to say and we don't think we should have to get them a gift just because they are my fiance's parents. Is this a huge slap in the face?

elizabethm4

I'm not getting my fiance's parent's anything, he is not close with them and they are barely on speaking terms most of the time, and they aren't helping with anything so I don't think it's necessary. In fact I think my FMIL would be pretty confused if I got her something

elizabethm4

Oh yeah- I'm planning on giving my parent's their gift in private. I think it's ok to not get the in-laws anything as long as you don't make a big show of giving your parent's their gifts.

kkerr02

Oh yea I don't plan on giving them their gift at the rehearsal dinner or anything. It's just frustrating because my parent's bend over backwards to help us out, especially my dad. And honestly I wouldn't have known to even get each set of parents a gift if my friend that is also getting married didn't mention it, lol.

MairePoppy

Your wedding is more than a year away. How, exactly, are your FILs supposed to be helping you? No one is obliged to pay for or help you in planning your wedding. That is your and Fi's responsibility, only. If someone volunteers money or help, it is a gift.

As an MOB, I do not expect to receive a gift from my DD and her FH, even though we are contributing to the wedding. I would, however, be very embarrassed if they gave us a gift and not her FILs. I would feel like it reflected poorly on her upbringing.

My advise would be to skip the parent gifts, altogether or buy gifts for both sets.

trix1223

OP:  The gift you give doesn't have to be, nor should it be, a reward for who paid more for the wedding.

These are the people who raised the man you love enough to pledge your future to.  I think they deserve a thank you bringing him to this place in his life where you two can move toward your new life together.

A wedding should never become a p!ssing contest, and that's what you'd be doing.

As a recent MOB and an MOG 4 years ago, I didn't expect a gift.  Watching my children marry the love of their life was gift enough for me.

And on their wedding day, each  child came and spent some quiet time with us, thanking us for all DH and I had done to raise them, and model what marriage should be.  That was far better than any trinket could have been.  (interestingly, they did give us tangible gifts, but the quiet moment far outclipsed the gift)

And finally, I am SO going to second the wise Maire.  I would be absolutely mortified if my DD did something like you're suggesting.  I raised her to be kinder and more empathetic than what you're asking permission to do.    I would be disappointed if she were that bald-faced rude to her MIL, and the woman who will be her childrens' other grandmother.

Shame on you.

Koolaid5070

Although it does seem a little odd to get one set of parents a gift and not the other, I have to say that you don't have to do anything you don't want to, and people just need to suck it up. Its YOUR wedding, do it YOUR way. Why on earth should you give a gift to people who are so negative and rude to you just because people say so. Lets put it this way... if they arent involved in ANY way of the wedding other than just showing up the day of, then they are just guests, and unless you are getting all of your guests gifts, then why would you get them gifts?
We are getting both parents gifts, but we get along with both just fine, so we are not faced with your dilema. However, I am getting a gift for my parents, and he is getting a gift for his. I don't feel the need to get his parents something from me just because they raised him to be a good person, thats their job as parents.
And don't ever let anyone tell you you are doing something wrong, like I said before, its your wedding, not theirs

t.kaufman

Like PP said, your FIL's are not required to help you with the wedding at all - no one is. You are the ones getting married.

I think that giving FIL's a gift might be a great way to try to smooth over your relationship. It's going to be a long life if you guys are not on good terms. However, only you and your FI know the whole story, so we cannot make this decision for you. I personally would give them a gift in order to try to make a good connection, or at least not worsen the one you already have. But as long as you don't make a big show of the gift-giving to your parents, then it's not too big of a deal to not give them gifts. Just make sure you consult FI - do not force a decision on him. Give him the opportunity to tell you what he feels without you influencing his opinion.

felkels

Isn't it supposed to be a "Thank you for giving me/fi life and  being my parents" gift?  It isn't supposed to be a "Thanks a ton for helping with the wedding" gift.  I made my mom a bracelet that matches the necklace she is wearing.  We are giving his dad a pearl tie tack that we made (that all the other guys are getting as well), and he has suggested giving his mom a few of the vases that we are using for centerpieces.  We are not doing anything huge, but it is some little token of gratitude to our parents for who they are and what they have meant to us in our lives, not what they were or were not able to contribute to the wedding. 

aerinpegadrak

My mom and dad each paid for a third of the wedding (we paid the other third).  His parents gave us a fairly sizeable cash gift, but didn't come close to what my parents contributed.  All three sets received a gift card for the same amount.

Your plan sounds quite petty.

amybear21

We are giving all parents a gift... nothing huge, just something small and heartfelt with some thought. Maybe and engraved pic frame and pic and/or a parent poem. 

I may do a small extra something for my mom and SD b/c they are contributing so much in comparison... but in all honesty, I'm not certain on that and if I do it will be done privately, while the others will be done at the RD.

michelyn13

I am giving my dad and my FI's mom personalized, embroidered handkerchiefs from me.

My mom passed away 8 years ago. My FI's dad isn't coming to the wedding (they've had an on and off relationship over the years. They're on pretty good terms but his dad says he can't afford to come out to the wedding and my FI isn't concerned).

Neither my dad or my FI's mom are helping us with the wedding financially (which is completely fine). We also cannot afford to get elaborate gifts for either. But I thought something small and personal might be appreciated. We may give them something else too...but I don't want to give presents just for the sake of giving. That's what Christmas and birthdays etc are for, no?

Maybe I don't have a clue. lol :S

blehae1

We found an amazing photographer who does Graphic Design has her full time job and isn't charging to decorate our wedding albums.. all we have to do is pay for the printing and binding- which won't cost much at all $50 max... which if you look at what typical photographers charge for a wedding album it's an unreal deal. We've been getting so many good deals that we've decided to get each set of parents their own wedding album.