Joint Bachelor/Bachelorette Party: To Do Or Not To Do?

jewel1283

I've been a bridesmaid about five times in recent years but only recently has this question popped up. Has anyone heard of this before? And if so, how common is it? From a personal viewpoint I see no problems with it, but some traditionalists seem to.

My friends and their fiances/husbands all know each other and have the same friends. It hardly seems fair that if the bride's best friend is a guy, she'd not have him at her bachelorette party just because he's also the groom's friend.

I get that it's called a bachelorette party for a reason (being for just the girls), but lately it seems like traditions don't seem to matter as much. See: wedding cupcakes vs. cake, brides with colored shoes, uni-sex wedding showers, and a beanie baby toss after the bouquet toss.

pandasquishy

Who does a beanie baby toss after the bouquet toss?  What is the point of that?

irshis20

Yes, I have been to a Bachelor-Bachelorette party. The evening started out with the parties separate, then we all met up at a bar a couple hours later. It was a lot of fun...one of the best bachelorette parties I've been to. Just one big party!

duckie1905

I would have never wanted a shared party with DH.  He went out with his friends, I went out with mine and everyone had a great time.  We have mutual friends that are both male and female and we left it up to them what party they wanted to attend.

I've been to a few joint parties and mostly they were uncomfortable because they were a reaction or one or both not trusting each other.

Arther007

I've been to lot's of bachelorette parties and all of them were great. I've went to an all girls party. A party were everyone was seperate and then joined up later in the night. And I have been to a coed party. I think it just depends on the group of people as to which party will be the best for them. My favorite was starting seperatly and then meeting up later in the night.

MyNameIsNot

I think it really defeats the purpose.  The point of having a b-party is to go out with your friends, w/o your FI, and to blow off some steam and not think about what the FI is doing.  If both the bride and groom is there, it's just another party.

I agree that joint b-parties screams one of them doesn't trust the other. 

MLC613

I personally think they should be seperate, I feel like that's the whole point of having them. It's one last night to go out as a single girl/guy, the last fling before the ring! I could totally see what someone would have them together, but I personally won't. Whatever you do, just make sure you have a GREAT time!!!

kimberlyann1974

 I think whatever makes the couple happy is fine.

 My FI and I are having ours separate. But, My FI has asked if I could come to his anyway, just because he wants me around. Neither of us have trust issues, but we really enjoy one another's company and kind've feel like we've been married for years anyway...this is just what we're calling a night we go hang out with friends. Honestly, I'd rather him come for mine..but it consists of us staying a weekend in a fancy hotel in Galveston, where we're basically having a very over the top girlie slumber party compete with pizza, nail polish and 80s movies..and brunch at a high end restaurant..and lots of shopping. I think his face would melt off...seriously haha. 

So..yes I think it's fine and can be a lot of fun..

though as if people have mentioned if it is about not trusting, it could put a real damper on the whole thing.

SarahPLiz

I also think it defeats the purpose. What's the point of spending your last single night out with your FI?

If that's what the couple wants to do, then just have a big party, but its not a bachelor or bachelorette unless the B&G are acting like that. If they are acting like a couple all night, then its just a party...

future-mrs

I've been to a bachelor/bachelorette party and it was a BLAST.  They were both on their second marriage, so everything was pretty lax.  But it was fun and everyone had a great time! 

FI and I have decided to almost do an all-nighter without each other but we all want to meet up at the end because ALL of our friends are each other's and 2 of my BM's are dating 2 of the GM and so on...we're a REALLY close bunch...it has nothing to do with trust ::rolls eyes:: It's so we can have a girl's night and boy's night seperately and then all meet up together and have a ball...we always have a ball as a group. 

I think it's a personal choice...want separate parties and blow off steam without the FI for one night, go for it!  Want a co-ed party because you are a close-bunch or just have more fun together, go for that.... no rule book on bachelor/bachelorette parties that I've seen....

jewel1283

So the kids don't feel left out apparently. It seems to be the new trend with my cousins. Personally, I don't see the point. When I was a kid I never was upset that I wasn't allowed to catch the bouquet. I just looked forward to my thirteenth birthday so I'd be allowed.

jewel1283

Sounds like fun. I wish my friends had done that. The guys are awesome to party with, and no one can make a margarita like my friend's hubby.

AndyNJenn

I like the idea of starting seperate and joining at the end of the night! we're planning on doing a bachelor/bachelorette cruise.. a thurs-sunday deal!  we've asked the whole wedding party if they'd like the idea and all agree'd.. along with a few other close friends.. so hopefully everything will come together because I really like the idea

future-mrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_joint-bachelorbachelorette-party-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:75e94300-865c-4b2a-80b5-9d9220955b10Post:e9e68d17-6b6f-4814-b403-9c01076a5164">Re: Joint Bachelor/Bachelorette Party: To Do Or Not To Do?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is incredibly geeky, I know, but FI and I met online in the World of Warcraft.  We actually ran a Warcraft "guild" together for almost a year before we met in real life and started a relationship.  Several of our friends from the guild will be flying in from out of state and even out of the country to attend our wedding, including a few couples.  Since we're all friends with each other, we're not going to try to separate into separate bachelor and bachelorette parties.  Instead, we're planning to throw a laid back house party, so those "guildies" who haven't met face to face before can hang out and get to know each other and our "real life" friends before the wedding.  It sounds odd, but when you share a hobby with the same group of people for years, and are on voice chat with them for several hours a week, you build friendships that transcend the medium.  And with people coming in from both coasts, Canada, Argentina and Brazil ... well, I want to hang out with them as much as I can and will cheerfully skip a night of clubbing to do it.  :)
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

Can we be friends?  Hehe....total WoW geeks here too.  We didn't meet on WoW, we re-started our addiction together, lol!  But I think that is too cool, I've read story after story of people meeting through WoW and I LOVE the vids of WoW weddings and proposals, I think it's totally cute.  Only a true WoW geek would understand... ;)

antimony

Do you feel you have to do them the same night?  If not -- you could have yours, with your friends of both genders, and he could have his, similarly.

Then again -- I don't want to be hung over or exhausted for my wedding, have lots of out of town guests I'd like to catch up with (some of whom are older family members), and thus have no desire for a bachelorette the night before.  If I have one, it'll be the weekend before or so. 

Pirata13

FI & I considered it, because we would have a lot of fun with a joint party (his one brother & SIL had a joint at Dave & Buster's), but decided against it since his BM would want to take him out drinking and have guy time.  Which is fine.  None of them are strip club people so I doubt they'll end up there. The other guys that will be involved, they will just want to get hammered. I said "Just promise you guys will be getting taxis back and forth", so I can be assured none of them will be driving. 

I'm doing a dinner with some girls the same day as my shower. Local intimate restaurant, I know the owners, they love us and they will take care of us. It's BYOB. Last time we were all there I essentially drank a bottle of wine myself. So good times.

We'll have fun on our own but would also enjoy everyone being together. Really just personal preference.  If we were having a joint, it wouldn't be because we don't trust the other, just an all-inclusive aspect for mutual friends, many of whom are couples.

SuMmErKuTiE

One of my best friends did this last year before she got married. It was a BLAST! I love time with just the girls, but having the guys there made it even more of an event. They had a party bus and stocked it full of alcohol and we drove down to NYC for a night of club hopping. Everyone had a blast and now my FI is requesting we do the same. We have all the same friends and we normally hang out in a co-ed group as it is. I don't travel in a huge pack of girls like I did in college anymore so this is what I'm used to. I'm not sure what we're doing yet, because it's up to my MOH and BM's to plan everything. But if we end up doing a co-ed bach party, I'll still be doing an all girls day with my BM's and we'll go wine tasting and go to the spa. To each their own!

laimabean

I was thinking of doing the same thing since neither of us is really into strip clubs or things like that, it'd be cooler to just all go out and get f*cked up!

CaptiolBride

We are having a joint. Good idea to maybe go out and get drinks before meeting up.

keegzzz

I think it's really dependent on the couple. Some people really truly believe that it's their "last night" as a "single person," and want to live it up. Some people aren't into the stripper thing & just want to party. Some people would rather just be with their girls, others actually *want* to party with their FHs.

I met a couple in Vegas this weekend that were there doing a joint party.

I think it's a fun idea, but really it's whatever works for you.

SarahS62205

you can definitely have your cake and eat it too with this one.  we are planning on having a day with combined activities and then separating the girls and guys.  during the day we'll probably have a brunch altogether followed by a paintball match (girls vs. guys of course!) then we are going to part ways and enjoy a night out on the town at locations of choice (strip club for the guys probably and dance club for the girls).  many of our guests are couple friends who we both are very close to.

have fun!

cassietaylor

We're doing a joint party, however, using a different name...just haven't brainstormed one yet. It just seems natrual for us to have a party together. We think were all going to meet up at a local piano bar here in Houston, however, maybe all go to dinner as seperate groups and then party together.