Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Sister in Bridal Party?

My mom wants me to ask my sister to be a bridesmaid, but I'm really not that close to her. It seems that every time we see her since getting engaged, she gets extremly jealous because her little sister is getting married before her. I'd hate to involve her in the wedding if she is going to be grumpy the entire time and ruin it for us. My mom says that she regrets not having her sister as a bridesmaid, and I think that's the main reason why she wants me to use my sister. Any ideas on how to break it to my mom that I'd rather not have her as a bridesmaid?
Also, I'm going to be using my fiance's sister-in-law as a bridesmaid, because I've been so much closer to her than my actual sister in the past couple of years. Thoughts? I know it's going to be a touchy subject.

Re: Sister in Bridal Party?

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    Its really a question of what your relationship is with your sister, and where it will go if you have her or dont have her in your wedding party. Your mother is right in that many times over the years issues with siblings fade into the background and you have to remember family lasts forever, so if you 'cut them deep', it will suck not just now but for years to come because you will never be able to completely write them out of your story (not saying you want to, just saying the issues carry on). HOWEVER, your bridesmaids should be people who have been supportive and good friends to YOU in your own journey, don't do it JUST to keep the peace, unless your sister is actually someone you would consider important in your life, its not mandatory to have her be in your wedding as anything more then a guest.

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    Any idea if your sister WANTS to be in your bridal party? Maybe you can have a 3rd party (like a cousin or mutual friend) talk to her to get her feelings on the matter. If she is lukewarm, them you have your excuse right there - you can tell your mom that your sister isn't even interested. But if she is surprisingly keen on it, maybe you'll want to rethink your decision.
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    My cousin didn't have her 2 sisters in the wedding yet had me as a BM...caused drama but they eventually got over it. 

    Is it a big deal if she is a BM?  If it's really important to you that she is not then I would just let your mom know "Sorry mom, this is my choice, and at worse it will be my regret latter on." 

    Have you considered this might bring yours and your sister's relationship closer?  How far out are you?  If you are still over 6-8 months out then hold off on the asking BM and spend some time with her and DO NOT bring up the wedding. 
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    "You know what, mom? I understand that this is really important to you but I just don't see sissy standing by my side on my big day. I know you just want me to be happy and I don't think I'll be as happy as I could be with her standing there next to me. Thanks for thinking the suggestion mom, but I'm going a different route."

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    Personally, I never really got along with my sister that great until I moved to Philly and went to college.  Than I recently move out of state and call her almost every day!

    We weren't that close but I asked her to be my MOH because it seemed like a no brainder to me.  She is and always will be my sister.  Friends come and go but family is forever.  Its an honor to be in someone's wedding and I think you should give your sister that honor even it is just as a bridesmaid.

    Who knows it may actually bring you closer together like it did for my sis and I!  Sit down and talk to her about and also think about the negitive inmpact it can and most likely will make on your relationship if you DON"T do this especially if you are having your FI's sister in it!  T
    I know that would really hurt me if my sister did that

    Good luck
    Wedding Countdown Ticker "A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime"
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    I am not having my sister in my wedding party, but she will be a reader. Due to my sister's abuse with drugs and alcohol, stealing, etc. it has put a big rift between me and her for almost 10 years. She is 4 months sober, and though I am happy and our relationship is very, very slowly improving there are people much closer that have been there for me over many years I'd rather have in (which I did). My mom doesn't like this. Plus, my sister dresses and acts like a boy to the point where she is mistaken for one and has said she would not wear a dress. I am in no means a Bridezilla, but I am not going to have my very large bridal party all standing up there in dresses and her in a pants suit/tux. Sorry. She even wanted to wear a tux for the reading where I had to say no (pants suit is fine, but we just didn't want her blending in with the groomsmen). Based on the past decade and as long as I've been with my fiance (4 1/2 years) at this time I do not feel right putting her in. I am also learning during this process that just cause you're blood, that does not make you family. 
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    My sister and I are not close either. However, I didn't want to not have her in the wedding; she's my only sister after all. So I'm asking her to take pictures for me. She's a very introverted person and wouldn't want to be on stage anyway. To appease your mother, you could designate a special job for your sister in the wedding.
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    OMG RetreadBride I'm DYING at your post! LOL @ Guest Book Attendant and "...lame chore so you think you're being honored" OMG!! LOL I always wondered what a "guest book attendant" does.
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