Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

religious conflict?

Hi, all. My FI and his family are Catholic, whereas I don't associate with any particular religion.  We have made plans to have a destination wedding in Mexico, but because of the somewhat complicated paperwork, my FI and I agreed to have a nondenominational ceremony there and simply take care of the legal paperwork in the states.  We have discussed the issue of religion and he believes that it is unnecessary to have our union blessed by the Catholic church in order for him to maintain his faith. BUT, my FMIL recently asked us if we would please consider letting the priest marry us instead of the justice of the peace like we had planned.  I said that this doesn't bother me if it's something my FI would want, but now she seems to think that this will be taking place in the church (I thought with permission Catholic priests can marry couples elsewhere?) with all of the family in attendance.  I was okay with the idea initially, before I had much time to think it through, but now I feel that she is devaluing the day we have planned to celebrate our wedding (ceremony in Mexico) and our "real wedding" in her eyes will be the Catholic ceremony she has requested. We said we would only want the priest and our witness at this event but she has already turned the situation into an event that she and all of the immediate family will be at...where do I even begin to approach this situation?!! She took something that I barely agreed to being ok with and really ran with it!

Re: religious conflict?

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    Wow, I'm really sorry to hear about your difficulties with your FMIL.  As for the Catholic part of it, in order to be considered a Catholic marriage it needs to be in a church or other approved holy area (such as a former Catholic church or chapel that is no longer run by the church).  Depending on the diocese (the regional church authority) you may request to have the ceremony performed outside of the church but usually they ask for a compelling reason and from what I've heard it's really rare.

    What does your FI think about this ballooning into something bigger than you planned?

    If you haven't already, maybe post this on the Catholic board as well.  The knotties there may be able to help out more.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    If you and FI are old enough to get married, you and FI are old enough to tell his mom "thanks, but no thanks" and plan the ceremony that the two of you want.
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
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    he believes that it is unnecessary to have our union blessed by the Catholic church in order for him to maintain his faith.

    he is incorrect there.  he woudl still be catholic, but he would not be allowed to partake in sacraments (i.e. communion) should he marry outside of the church.  knowing this, he might end up wanting to go the priest route if he plans on practicing the faith.  therefore, the wedding woudl need to take place in a church.  a catholic priest will nto marry you outside or in any location other than a church.

    all that aside, you guys made your decision, and you should not marry in the catholic church if you have no intention of living that life.  you shoudl nto do it to please someone else.
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    Ditto Calypso.
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    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011

    Also youwould probably need to participate in the pre-wedding classes for the church to marry you. (Plus, he would need to promise to raise your children Catholic & you have to promise not to interfere). So depending on the date you want to get married, you need to speak with his priest ASAP.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    *This is Not Legal Advice*
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    Thanks for the help and info, you all! I always feel so much better when I post and get some thoughts here! 
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