How early could I have a bridal shower?

qttchica

My fiance and I got engaged almost a year ago and are planning the wedding for next year in may.  I work full time and go to school part time and am planning this wedding by myself.  I've got the bachelorette party and a lot of wrapping up of plans to do come the last few months right before the wedding on top of working and going to school.  I was wondering if having a bridal shower in sept would be too early to have it as my mom also wants to attend all my bridal stuff but lives 9 hour away too.   I'm just trying to find ways to break up some things to make things a bit easier for me.

SarahPLiz

The date of your bridal shower is up to whoever hosts it, although they usually consult you. I think that a Sept shower for a may wedding is WAY to soon.

However, you shouldn't be planning your own shower or your bachelorette, so leave that worrying up to whoever offers to throw them for you.

CA2MT4EveR

Who is planning this? Surely you are not!  I would say that is too early, as anything can happen in those long months before the wedding.  IMO, the shower should not be more than 2-3 months prior.

aerinpegadrak

I'd say four months out at the absolute earliest, more likely 2-3 months.  But you shouldn't be planning this at all.  If someone chooses to throw you a shower, the date is up to them.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It shouldn't be stressful because you have nothing to plan, shower-wise. Do you have a school break in December and January? When someone offers to host a shower you might want to mention those times work for you.

Where is your fiance in all this? Why isn't he helping you plan?

MyNameIsNot

It is incredibly rude for you to plan your own shower, to ask anyone to plan your shower, or to expect anyone to plan your shower.  The same goes for B-parties.  If someone wants to host a shower for you, they will come to you with some date ideas, and go from there.  Most of the time people don't even think about planning you a shower until the last few months before the wedding, so it would be out of line to expect someone to throw one in September.

They will probably mention some dates when they offer, but 4 months out is about as early as you want to go without seeming completely ridiculous. 

janedoe1113a

I agree that September is way too early for a May wedding.  I had my bridal shower in December for my March wedding and I felt it was really early.

amagwire

I agree with everyone else.  I hope you are not thinking of planning your bridal shower!? It's your bridesmaid's responsibility.  You're supposed to give them a list of ladies you would like included...so if you're thinking of planning a bridal shower yourself, just stop now and don't even think about it again, because you should not even consider having a shower if you are the one planning it.  

Wedding showers are typically a couple of months before the wedding.  Essentially wedding showers are an acceptable excuse for asking for and receiving presents.  While I find them outdated and almost tacky, it can be a fun way for the women in the bride and groom's lives to get together, relax and celebrate before the wedding.  

Because the purpose of a traditional bridal shower is to receive gifts, a few months before the wedding is the only acceptable time in my opinon.  If I got invited to a wedding shower that was 9 or 10 months from the wedding date I would be slightly offended, honestly.  The bride and groom are nearly a year away from the wedding (and who knows if there will be a wedding? - come on, people wonder it...) So to do the whole bridal shower, gift buying thing, then do it again for the wedding almost a year later...No, I think it's way too early. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_early-could-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:85102970-b036-48d3-9e4a-bdb682c388cdPost:9f323ac5-d9c3-4883-9668-cc16b93c11d6">Re: How early could I have a bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with everyone else.  I hope you are not thinking of planning your bridal shower!? It's your bridesmaid's responsibility.  You're supposed to give them a list of ladies you would like included...
Posted by amagwire[/QUOTE]

And only if they offer to host the shower. Anyone can plan a shower, though - and aunt, a family friend, etc.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_early-could-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:85102970-b036-48d3-9e4a-bdb682c388cdPost:78c3c973-dda5-487f-ad96-bf28a4e3da41">Re: How early could I have a bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How early could I have a bridal shower? : And only if they offer to host the shower. Anyone can plan a shower, though - and aunt, a family friend, etc.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I was going to say the same thing. A shower is no one's responsibility. It is a gift given to you by whoever wants to host it. In some circles, its the bridesmaids, in some circles its aunts, friends, cousin, godmothers, or other people close to the bride.

qttchica

I'm not planning my bridal shower or my bachelorette party it's just that I have to put lists together and plan on attending these parties.  My mom has to drive nine hours one way to get here in Michigan during the winter so that makes it a little hard to plan these things because of not knowing what day it's going to snow.  My fiance might be helping if I wanted to have a wedding that includes everything (dresses for myself and his two daughters who are two of my bridesmaids, food, rings, entertainment. decor. etc) for two thousand.  He's not a planner at all.  I plan everything which means I plan this as well.  It's too much work for him.  He just wants me to tell him when and where and he'll show up.  That's just who he is.  Thanks for all the input though.  I'll try to squeeze this in sometime in March next year.

Pirata13

September is way too early for a May wedding.  My wedding is mid-August and my shower is Memorial Day weekend, and that seems so early to me. But it worked best for my family who is planning it, as they are trying to plan around everyone's summer vacations.

If you have a school break in Feb or March, that might be a good time, and as PPs said, that is something to let those who plan it for you know. You shouldn't be planning your own shower. My mom & aunt are hosting mine and they asked me if any particular time was good. And my mom asked if I wanted a particular theme. That was my input, but they are doing the planning.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_early-could-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:85102970-b036-48d3-9e4a-bdb682c388cdPost:f648f838-2a96-41c1-95e8-49ed57cd8086">Re: How early could I have a bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not planning my bridal shower or my bachelorette party it's just that I have to put lists together and plan on attending these parties.  My mom has to drive nine hours one way to get here in Michigan during the winter so that makes it a little hard to plan these things because of not knowing what day it's going to snow.  My fiance might be helping if I wanted to have a wedding that includes everything (dresses for myself and his two daughters who are two of my bridesmaids, food, rings, entertainment. decor. etc) for two thousand.  He's not a planner at all.  I plan everything which means I plan this as well.  It's too much work for him.  He just wants me to tell him when and where and he'll show up.  That's just who he is.  Thanks for all the input though. <strong> I'll try to squeeze this in sometime in March next year.
</strong>Posted by qttchica[/QUOTE]

I think you're missing the point.  YOU don't squeeze them in, and you don't start a guest list until asked.  When someone comes to you and tells you they'd like to throw you a shower, you then discuss dates. 

It's very unlikely that someone will mention throwing a shower in the next 9 months. 

duckie1905

Ditto.  You aren't squeezing anything in.  You wait until someone offers to host and you plan for it on the host's schedule.  Nothing needs to be done (no guestlist, no date planning, anything) until someone offers to host one.

bbyckes

Ditto other peeps.  You shouldn't be planning the shower and September is way too early. 

tana1983

I think that if you want to have input in your bridal shower, that's perfectly fine.  What I have seen these days is that people pretend they dont know anything about their shower but later I find out that they had been secretly consulting with the person "throwing" the shower, like a sister, mother, or best friend!  In fact, many of them knew the date and place in advance, and just pretended to be surprised.  I suggest you do the same.  Don't worry about what anyone else says. Figure out what's best for you within a reasonable time frame and for for it!  Guests that are invited will attend if they care enough and want to share in your joy.  Bottom line.  

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_early-could-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:85102970-b036-48d3-9e4a-bdb682c388cdPost:aa7d3ae1-20ee-4cb8-be6e-c2544fa27b8d">Re: How early could I have a bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that if you want to have input in your bridal shower, that's perfectly fine.  What I have seen these days is that people pretend they dont know anything about their shower but later I find out that they had been secretly consulting with the person "throwing" the shower, like a sister, mother, or best friend!  In fact, many of them knew the date and place in advance, and just pretended to be surprised.  I suggest you do the same.  Don't worry about what anyone else says. Figure out what's best for you within a reasonable time frame and for for it!  Guests that are invited will attend if they care enough and want to share in your joy.  Bottom line.  
Posted by tana1983[/QUOTE]

Your shower doesn't have to be a surprise.  Surprises are pretty rare in most places.

However, it IS really rude to assume or expect a shower before anyone else brings it up, or to ask anyone to throw it.  This is what we're all getting at. 

tana1983

Exactly. Your shower doesn't need to be a surprise!!! By now, you probably already know who wants to throw you the party.  Consult that person/people and let them know your concerns.  Of course, it would be completely rude to approach someone that has never shown a desire or intention to throw you a bridal shower about these concerns.  Good luck to you! Make sure to enjoy the ride!

Clare13

A shower is not required.  If it is really that stressful, politely decline anyone who offers to throw you one.  One less thing you need to "squeeze" in and make your mom drive to.