no plus one allowed?

meladoriestar

Can I/how should I inform a friend that I don't want her to bring someone?

The problem being that most guests are allowed a +1, and she knows I think generally it's tacky not to allow a date, but she has a long and consistent history of dating or befriending very shady, creepy people. We aren't very close anymore, but were relatively close a couple years ago. Me and her other friends have spoken to her about her poor judgement but she blows us off every time.

The truth is, she is the type of girl that will walk 2 miles home in the dark at 3 am, drunk, meet a stranger also walking and invite that person to come over for drinks (and no, not to sleep with...). So essentially, I really don't trust her not to bring someone I would feel extremely uncomfortable having at my wedding...

How to address this situation?

fairy_diva

Sounds like a dangerous habit to me.
But that being said, are your plus ones in a serious relationship? If not, its going to be hard to allow everyone but her to bring a friend. That would mean you"picked" her out and she will notice. Is she close enough to be a guest? It doesn't sound as if she is, if you have already invited her, then I think you're stuck with her & who ever she chooses to bring.
Besides you probably won't even notice 1 person among your other guests.

aerinpegadrak

If you're worried she's going to bring someone dangerous to the wedding, hire plain-clothes security for your own peace of mind.  (Many venues require this anyway.)  Then leave it at that.  Yes, she sounds like she doesn't make the best choices, but that's on her. 

And don't judge by appearances: some people who look shady and creepy are the nicest and friendliest people you'll ever meet.

MyNameIsNot

If you are allowing everyone else to bring a date, you have to extend that courtesy to her.  Technically, etiquette only require that you invite s/os of those who are in a committed relationship.  However, in some circles, a date is extended to all guests.  It sounds like you come from one of those and wouldn't be able to do committed relationships only. 

If you aren't very close anymore, you could skip the whole issue and just not invite her.  Otherwise, you can instruct the venue staff to be weary of this person if you have some reason to believe something could happen. 

But really, just because he might be a little shady doesn't give you anything to worry about.  What do you think is going to happen?

trix1223

Ditto the other ladies.  If you giving all of your single guests a +1, it's going to be very, very clear that the ONLY single person at the entire reception wasn't afforded the same courtesy that you gave all the others.

If you think she'll bring someone inappropriate to your wedding (what exactly DO you consider inappropriate?), don't invite her.

But I will tell you this:  you'll be so busy on your wedding day that other than saying a quick hello, you won't have to spend any time at all with them.  There will be very liittle impact on you.

However, your call.  You don't want her bringing a date, don't invite her.   But you don't get to choose her date for her, or make her the only one you single out.

Pirata13

You can't exclude only her.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

She's an adult. Let her make her own choices. I'm sure the person she invites to the wedding will be 1) someone she knows, since it is hard to just pick a stranger up on the way to a wedding and 2) someone comfortable going to a classy event.

SteveandKris

assuming the invites haven't gone out already - call her and ask for the name of her date and invite him/her by name.  If it is not someone you already know, invite them both out ot dinner with you and FI to get to know him before the wedding... maybe that would put you at ease.

meladoriestar

msmerymac: you'd be surprised. its easy enough to pick up a stranger on the way to a wedding. she would have no trouble.

and to everyone else, i dont base my definition of shady on appearances. i base it on the number of stalkers/break-ins/fights that occur with these people.

so my worries i suppose are drugs, stalkers, theft, fights, etc.

steveandkris, i like the suggestion. thanks

duckie1905

If you are extending the option to everyone else it would be rather rude to leave her out because you don't like the men she dates.

While it sounds like she is headed towards, or already on, some dangerous ground, your wedding is not a good time to make a statement about her decisions.  If you are truly concerned for her safety there are better times to confront her about it.

smartissexy811

I personally am not sending out invites with plus one's because A) I cannot afford to pay for someone to be at my wedding that I don't know This is a special time for me, my fiance, family, and close friends.

I do not think it is rude or wrong for you not address her only on the invite. For example put Ms. Inappropriate instead of Ms. Inappropriate and Guest.

If she asks, let her know politely that you are trying to keep your costs in order and only inviting couples that are in serious relationships.

DianneMoB

Why would you invite someone to your wedding who would present you with this kind of dilemma? Why invite someone who might bring a "shady or dangerous" date, for whom you would feel compelled to hire private security?

Bottom line, YOU decide your invitation list. You stated you're not close to this person anymore. Don't invite her.

SarahS62205

i think SteveAndKris came up with the best idea - find out who it is that she is dating currently and get to know them (if you have the time!) by hanging out once or twice.  then, send the invites with this person's name on the invitation envelope.  although if they do happen to break up, and she brings up the wedding date thing again, you may have to make the choice of either doing the "get to know you" thing all over again or simply stating that everything is already printed up and you can't change the guest list.