Greek MIL driving me nuts!

LizandDino

My FI is Greek and his mother is driving me crazy about things to dofor our wedding. We are having a Greek ceremony and I understand there are certain customs I have to abide by, however when it comes to our reception we decided to have it more Americanized. That being said she feels the need to constantly tell me the things i "need to do" and the people I "must invite". She says its a Greek thing and no matter what I HAVE to do it. We're paying for the wedding not her, dont we get a say?! 

midgetthemighty

Ditto Lucy. How does your FI feel about excluding these "must have Greek things"? That is something else to consider.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_greek-mil-driving-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:888a3cc4-91f2-4ad9-8c67-aedef68c3945Post:f1371272-0678-4117-9f03-7af37fbeff67">Re: Greek MIL driving me nuts!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm curious as to what "must-have Greek things" are.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

So am I. FI is Greek and I've been to about half a dozen Greek weddings. The only thing I can think of is a couple of traditional dances that the aunts usually lead.  They are really simple (I learned them at a wedding) and fun.

As for your question, where is your FI in all this?  If he is on your side and isn't standing up to his mother now, he's not going to stand up to her when she starts interfering in your marriage and, if you have them, raising your kids.

gymbugmj2k

haha welcome to being greek! 

I'm greek AND italian, so you can imagine the family issues that come up with planning a wedding!!  Yes, you will have to put up with some of the tradition 'have to's (the dances are fun though!), and some of the extra invites. thats part of the culture, and what makes it so much fun. i'm not sure what the other cultural reception things are though - other than maybe passing ouzo around and having jordan almonds as favors.

Talk with your FI about it. get his input since it is his family too.  If it is still not resolved, then perhaps you can talk to your FMIL in the LEAST bratty way possible, and explain that you had a certain vision in mind, and how can you compromise and incorporate maybe half of her suggestions.

greeks and italians have HUGE hearts, but are quite stubborn when it comes to traditions   good luck!

mandi921vh

I am also curious about your FI and his feelings on this issue. But like others have said, if you are paying you get a say. 

[Deleted User]

I saw that movie!!!  ;-)  Greek flag on the invite?  Maybe not?

I agree with PP, but the "you must invite these people" thing would bother me if I were paying for the wedding.  I'm not even sure how to suggest that if she wants those extra people maybe they could pitch in.  That would be touchy, yet what I was thnking on the inside. 

Cynthia1207

I'm Italian so I can relate.  We have strong family values meaning that at a wedding, you need to invite your aunt and uncle that you haven't seen since birth ''just because''.  That's the way it is. 

Now I don't know how it works in the States, but here, European tradition is that the ''gift'' for the wedding is the guest paying their own plate and giving a little extra money over that cost.  Even if you're paying you techinically wouldn't have to spend much more by inviting 20 more guests. 

It's a double-edged sword though because you can't really rely on anyone giving you any amount whatsoever so you still need to be able to afford the wedding that you're having.

I suggest you and Fi have a talk about what traditions he would like to be incorporated and then talk to MIL about it.  The guest list, I would leave it to FI.  It's his side of the family so he should talk about it with his mom.

Good luck!

redheadfsu

If you two are paying, then your FI needs to sit his mother down and talk to her. He should  explain what he/both of you want & that she needs to back off. Your FI should deal with his family when any issues arise. If he can't, then that is a bigger issue.

meep2

If she's pressuring you to invite more people, ask what would happen if you don't invite them. Sometimes people who don't seem important to you are important people for parents to invite. If, for instance, she is part of the Greek community where she lives, it might be a HUGE faux pas not to invite a bunch of people to the wedding. You're (understandably) worrying about costs, but she may be worrying (also understandably) that all of her friendships will be affected, people will talk behind her back, and bridges will be burned. As others mentioned, talk to your FI, talk to her about what it means besides "it's a Greek thing," and maybe tell her that she has to pay for anyone above a certain number.

jemmini6

At least she's accepting of the fact that her son is marrying a non-Greek??  (my boss is Greek and his mom hated his wife until she died because she refused to convert to Greek Orthodox, so it could always be worse than her just wanting to invite more people)

Although regardless, if you are paying, you get 100% of the say.  I suggest having your FI deal with his mother on things she thinks you "have to" do.  It might be easier coming from him than you...

Santorini2011

LOL!  I am Italian and FI is Greek (pretty traditional too).  There are certain things you need to just go with.  Pick your battles.  If you don't want to invite more people, simply explain to her that you'd love to invite them but simply can't afford it.
BTW...who is your DJ?

LizandDino

Thank you ladies so much for the imput. My FI and I are on the same page with the ceremony and reception and he said he talked to his mother, but Im wondering if she really understnds. She and his Godparents insist on doing the favors there way and say that they pay for them?? I had set favors in mind, but I guess thats a no-go. Also they say that they get the headpiece I wear for the ceremony and these candles that get decorated.(Im still learning a lot of this). And his mother insists that we invite all these family members and close friends, people that she keeps in touch with, not so much my FI. She says you have to invite everyone so no one is left out. But thats my point, if my FI doesnt even talk/associate with her 40+ first cousins and were paying for it, then why should we invite them? We have plenty of family and friends on our list. But Im venting now, you have all helped me alot, and Im going to talk with my FI on the subject some more. Thanks again!

Santorini2011

LOL-I just gave in to the "Favors" fight and will be putting 200 gold organza bags up for sale since they are not the traditional favor packaging.  But...it's a minor detail.  Trust her judgment on the lambades and stefana.  It's one less thing for you.

You might want to do a Greek Orthodox program too.