Who toasts at the Rehearsal Dinner?

SCogs18

My FI's family and my family have very different ideas on who toasts at the rehearsal dinner.  My family thinks specific people should toast, while FI's family thinks it should be an open mic and anyone and everyone can toast (no matter their level of involvement or intoxication).

Background:  FI's family is hosting the RD.  They are also big drinkers and at the last groom's family wedding FI and I went to FI's uncle got drunk and toasted the bride and groom and started talking about the conception of their future children...someone had to take the mic away.  FI's step-mom got drunk (see a pattern?) and started talking about how glad she was FI's younger half brother was invited "because he is my only son and this wedding makes me think about when he will get married one day"...in front of everyone.  It was awkward, especially since she technically has TWO sons.  Her biological son (FI's half brother) and my fiance himself!

Also, the best man is also FI's dad.

Can we limit who toasts at the RD or am I just out of luck?

ElisabethJoanne

As someone else is hosting, all you can do is drop hints.

"It'd be nice if the family kept the toasting to a minimum, as we have a big day ahead..."

"I read about this great rehearsal dinner where just the bestman gave just a short and sweet toast. It was all anyone really needed."

Can you offer to have your wedding planner attend the RD and direct the toasting? Present it as, "We want you to be able to just enjoy the RD and not also be master of ceremonies. Our planner is willing to attend and discreetly direct the toasting."

You might direct another groomsman or maybe your father to start the toasting early. Others will keep it going, but they won't be drunk yet.

Just remember, there's a hope that if they get these indiscretions out at the RD, they won't happen at the wedding reception.

naomikb

Your RD sounds very different than ours. My H made a speech and thanked everyone for coming out to the rehearsal. We took our BM and GMs aside after and thanked them and gave them their gifts. I think your ability to limit the toasts depends on the format of the event. It sounds like you should try in this case to limit the number. But in the end if someone clinks a glass and stands up its pretty hard to stop them. And remember that if someone makes an inappropriate speech, it is them who looks like an idiot, not you.

GreenEire

We didn't have any toasts at all at the rehearsal dinner.  The thought didn't even occur to us.  At our wedding, only the Best Man and my MOH made speeches.

MelissaC315

Whoever wants to really. I've been to several and it's always different. I went one where the hosts (groom's parents) gave a speech. I've been to one where both sets of parents made speeches. I went to one where the bride and groom gave a short speech. Point is, it doesn't matter. Whoever would like to can (or nobody at all)

toothpastechica

i didnt know people toasted (formally) at rehersal dinners....is that normal??? Certainly hasnt been in weddings i have been in! I would let the hosts figure it out if someone thinks its a required part. I have a whole wedding to worry about, im not going to worry about something as insignificant as toasts at a private (usually wedding party and/or close family only) rehersal dinner.

Iggy85

At one of my best friends RD, the groom was the one that gave a "thank you all for playing a part in our big day" and that was it. Short, sweet and to the point...lol. I think that it's really all up to you. If you and the groom want to do it, then make sure they know.

TiffannieF

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_toasts-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8bb2994e-bd2f-49d7-9c08-77bff6adffa6Post:5f38bf91-0d78-47bf-90f0-8bbc588b635f">Re: Who toasts at the Rehearsal Dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Toasts are speeches in honor of the couple, so no one should be directed or asked to make one.</strong>  Wait until someone offers. Or tell everyone you would rather party, and won't be having speeches. Direct your DJ or MC not to give the mic to anyone unless you have preapproved them.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

For our RD no one made a toast but me and it was just a "thank you for being part of big day" type of speech (short but heartfelt). 

SaraElizabeth7

I thought that usually the Groom's father toasted, and that maybe later the groom said something.  I've never really been to an RD where others toasted, but maybe you could say you really want to keep the toasts short so that everyone has more time to chat and enjoy the evening?

Good luck!