Customs and Traditions

How do I tell my dad that I want to walk down the aisle alone??

Growing up my dad was a great dad, but about 11 years ago he became severely addicted to pain meds and has become a completely different person. He is mean to my mom (they are still married) and does not accept any responsibility for his actions or words. He thinks he is not in the wrong ever and has said some very hurtful things to all of us. Every day is a constant battle.
How do I tell him I want to walk myself down the aisle without telling him the reasons why? He'd never understand and would blow up and I'm worried he would do something to ruin our day. This is a very touchy situation and I need help figuring out exactly what to say and how to handle it. I am open to suggestions!!

Thank you

Re: How do I tell my dad that I want to walk down the aisle alone??

  • In Response to Re: How do I tell my dad that I want to walk down the aisle alone??:
    In Response to Re: How do I tell my dad that I want to walk down the aisle alone?? : So in that case, I'm not so sure you're going to be able to pull off telling him you want to walk alone in a way that he won't interpret as a personal affront.   It sounds like you're in a difficult position.  I think you will really have to weigh out if not having him walk you down the aisle for 30-60 seconds is worth whatever drama may come out of having the confrontation.
    Posted by marinabreeze
    This sounds like a really difficult situation -- but you mentioned also that you have been concerned about your Mom and how he treats her, will he react toward your Mom after you tell him this? If it were me, I would allow him to walk me down the aisle, but maybe ask you Mom too. I like what this PP said about sparing the drama of confrontation since you said he doesn't respond like an adult.
  • Thank you all for your suggestions/advice, I greatly appreciate it!
  • This doesn't really answer your question, but I felt compelled to respond because someone who I love dearly is a recovering addict.  I really think you should (maybe with your mom and siblings if you have any) speak to your dad about getting some help.  My loved one is on a perscription called Suboxone which tricks the brain into thinking it has had its fix of pain meds.  The dose is gradually lowered and eventually he will be taken off of it all together.  The addiction controlled his life and hurt people he loves, and he often tells me how relieved he is to no longer live that lifestyle.  To be honest we wouldn't have the relationship we have if he hadn't gotten help, so I understand where you're coming from.  Good Luck in whatever you decide.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thank you for the info. We have tried telling him, but he doesnt believe us. He thinks that my mom has in a sense, "brainwashed" us kids into believing "lies" she has made up....it's a mess. He has been speaking to a counselor & my mom, sister and I are going to talk to him as well.
  • Hi there,

    Just like to add that I agree with clearheavens suggestion - if you feel strongly about walking down the aisle alone, speak to your Dad about why this is important for you (in terms that have nothing to do with him per se) so as clearheavens suggested, that it is more common for brides to walk alone down the aisle these days, or that you are committed to a modern wedding and you think the idea of your Dad walking you down the ailse is outdated (it actually goes back to Victorian times when women were considered property to be handed over and a financial deal was done with the grooms family). If you are adamant about him not walking you down the aisle then do try to couch your reasons in terms that are not about him. He may well be hurt, but this may well be the case regardless of your relationship with him. I had planned for my wedding day that I would walk down the aisle either alone or with my H2B - even though I have a good relationship with my Dad, I found the idea of him 'giving me away' a bit dated (especially as my H2B and I were living together - I was already 'away'). Anyway, my relationship ended so I never had to face that particular dilemma but I do feel for you and I hope everything works out so you have happy memories of your day.

    Emer x
    Emer O'Leary Irish Wedding Secrets http://www.irishwedding4u.com
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