Shower Gifts - Cost

dianegeiger

Hi Ladies,

What is the current etiquette for shower gifts and spending?  How much do people typically feel is expected for them to spend?

My mom and I are currently having a debate about this - and have VERY different ideas about what people FEEL they're supposed to spend (not what WE think they should spend, but what people feel THEY are socially obligated to when they receive an invitation).  

I realize that the view will probably vary from person to person, but I'm curious to get some input from other people, to get an idea of the range!

Thanks!

bbyckes

I don't have a range.  It's what I can afford.  My shower gift will most always be less expensive than the wedding gift. 

Help us by giving us the different views between you and your mother.

dianegeiger

Well, from what I've seen, experienced, I FEEL obligated to spend a minimum of $50.  

My mom says that the average shower attendee spends about $25 on a gift, and that that's okay.  But while I completely support everyone's right to CHOOSE what they spend - I have been to so many showers where I spend about $50 (which has often been a lot of money for me, especially when I was a student)... and meanwhile the bride is opening extravagant extravaganza presents that i KNOW cost $100-$300.  One bride even said on her ty card she sent to me, "thank you for the small gifts".  (poor form, I know - I'm just saying...)

And I've talked to some girls who say that they feel they're "supposed to spend a minimum of $50-$100.  

I'm, personally, a very easy-going person.  And I truly think people should spend WHATEVER they see fit.  But I really need help in understanding the CULTURAL expectations here.  What IS the "norm"? 

skippylouwho

I think most people, at least around here, spend $40-50.  However, DD received several gifts at her first shower that were easily $200 to $300.  For weddings, most people, again around here, spend a minimum of $75 and then it just goes up from there. Average is probably $100.

The closer I am to someone the more I will spend.  I really do watch for sales so I can get them a lot more but spend the same money so while I might spend $100, the value may be $200 to $300 if full price were paid.

kristinanddan

I generally spend around $50 on a shower gift. I would spend a lot more on a shower gift for a close friend though.

danieliza1127

It really varies by region and by what the person buying the gift feels like spending.  I typically spend about $50 on the shower gift, but I might spend less if I'm not very close to the bride.  I'm also in Indiana though and I know from posting here that many people in NY and other states spend a LOT more.

bbyckes

That really is poor form for the bride to label your gifts as "small."  I think you're in the ballpark.

mysticl

I really think it's about what you can afford.  The last time I went to a shower I was making less than $20,000 a year so my gift was maybe $20.  That was 10 years ago.  Of the weddings I've been to since then I was only invited to one shower (some of the brides didn't have them) but I couldn't attend.  Instead of sending a shower gifit I just sent a bigger wedding gift than I normally would have. 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_shower-gifts-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8ee84074-efbc-48c0-9b7a-d0caa7b06f7cPost:1b28d6ae-de76-4a5a-8a46-59438fc69ee1">Re: Shower Gifts - Cost</a>:
[QUOTE]I generally spend around $50 on a shower gift. I would spend a lot more on a shower gift for a close friend though.
Posted by kristinanddan[/QUOTE]

This. but I'm very fortunate with how i've been blessed at times, so i wouldn't expect this from anyone. I'd say $20-50 (or even more if you'd like) is a good ballpark. For a wedding gift i'd say $80 or up, depending on how close you are to the couple and what their life situation is like at the time (i.e. for a young couple just moving in together, i'm more willing to buy a $100 vacuum, than i am for an older, more settled couple).

HisCB

it depends on the relationship, but i dont really think about the cost of the gift. and there is no regular amount for me. my budget is different at different times. i just try to get something personal for the bride. one bridal shower i went to, like 7 years ago, i spent more than i would on other brides because i felt like showing off. immature in retrospect, but it was my ex's fiancee. and i wanted to try to get something generous, also it was the only thing i knew she wanted and wouldnt buy for herself.

for wedding/shower gifts, i have spent anywhere from $10 (when i was really broke, if she got married now, i would hope to spend like $75ish for her) to almost $100.
my budget for my next wedding gift is $25 for my step-aunt.
i also like to try to get things on sale or save some money on things so that i can give more.

donnamarie02

I think people spend what they can afford. I personally usually spend $50 minium. Once I gave the bride a $20 gift but only b/c I thought it was tacky she wanted me to attend her shower but did not invite me to the reception. The last wedding I went to, I didn't attend the shower. I ended up spending about $100 for their wedding gift.

tjoschko

I normally spend about 25-40 because they get an additional gift at the wedding and that's usually the big one.  Also, I tend to go in with my sisters for a larger group gift so they can get one of the higher ticket gifts.  I think it depends on region and also the family/group. 

LNicholson1985

It all depends on where you are from. I know from my shower personally my gifts ranged from 50-300. My shower was also around 75  close friends and family. For weddings just from the thigns we have been recieving its from $150 on up

For weddings the determining factor people use is how much a plate cost. Most people try and cover what their plate costs. For me personally I never give less than $200 at a wedding.

vickiloew

It absolutely depends on how much a person is able to spend and I also think how close you are to the bride/couple helps determine.  I typically spend about $25-$30 on the shower and then $50-$75 on the wedding gift.

PenelopeSnuz

For showers, it really varies on the location, the registry, and the bride/couple in mind.  I spend a lot more if I am close to the couple.

For the actual wedding....I cover the cost per plate.  That means if my fiance and I are going together, we are generally giving the couple $200+.

amandaswisher1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_shower-gifts-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8ee84074-efbc-48c0-9b7a-d0caa7b06f7cPost:4dab9579-64ff-4aeb-b6f2-c3a422155e1b">Re: Shower Gifts - Cost</a>:
[QUOTE]For weddings the determining factor people use is how much a plate cost. Most people try and cover what their plate costs. For me personally I never give less than $200 at a wedding.
Posted by LNicholson1985[/QUOTE]

I know this is an issue everytime cost of gifts is brought up but this path of thinking really irks me. I really hope not one of my guests has thought about how much money I'm spening on my wedding when considering how much to spend on my gift. Guests have no clue what my venues cost or how many people I'm inviting and why should they try and figure it out? So the average wedding costs something like $22,000 for 175 guests, that means you're pretty much obligated to spend $250 to cover your plate and your date's? That's ridiculous! How much you spend on a shower/wedding gift should have everything to do with your relationship with the person.

How much I spend on my wedding is my decision. How much someone spends on my gift is theirs. I think $50-75 is typical for a shower gift and $100-$125 is typical for a wedding gift.