Drama drama drama

SierraBartz

So i kinda of have two issues with my wedding (that is going to be this september) First: my mom is not fully on board and i don't know how to tell her that her comments are not going to change my mind and are hurtful... is it so much to ask that she be happy that im happy? But she thinks we are too young I will be 23 and he will be 24 and our wedding is planned for our 4 year ann. is that too soon? Ok so second problem Approaching the issue of bridal parties i feel is going to be an issue with my FI neither of us has an abundance of "close friends" and he isn't super fond of who I'm thinking of for my MOH would it be unheard of to just skip the bridal parties all together and just ask friends to maybe wear our colors to the wedding?

renegade gaucho

No, you don't have to have a bridal party, but it would be very rude to ask your friends to wear certain colors.  Why doesn't your fiance like your MOH?  Unless she's done something really awful to either of you, his feelings shouldn't trump your choice, and just scrapping the bridal party altogether because of one person seems a bit drastic.

As to whether you're ready for marriage, what's your current situation?  Have you finished your education and gotten a job that allows you to support yourself?  Do you live on your own and pay all of your own bills?  Who is paying for your wedding?  Do you and your fiance get along, or do you argue a lot?  How well do you communicate with each other?  Are you on the same page about finances, household duties, and children?

SugarFoote

When my sister got married she didn't have a bridal party. They wanted the ceremony to focus on them.

PP you ask a lot of questions.

Bonzo2011

I don't think the PP who asked all those questions necessarily wants answers posted here, but those are all good questions to think about. If OP is having doubts about whether her mom is fit and they should wait, those questions could spark some good discussions between her and FI. All of those things are issues that should be resolved in some way. It is definitely not unheard of to skip the bridal party. I have never personally been to a wedding that did this, but I have seen a lot of brides on here who chose to go that route for various reasons.

brittneyh4

I was engaged at 19, and asked my Dad if I was ready for marriage. He gave me the best advice "If you have to ask, you're not ready". Of course people who don't have to ask sometimes aren't ready, but I strongly suggest premarital counseling. It's not something I would've done before, but my pastor requires it, and it has been incredible.

I like PPs questions, those are definitely great questions.

As for the issue about your mom - ask her what her concerns are. Is it just your age that worries her, or are there other things that factor into her unhappiness over the engagement?

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_drama-drama-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:94820b96-1af8-4347-98f9-11cee2603a21Post:e26592b8-65e1-4960-839c-438fcba2942c">Re: Drama drama drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think the PP who asked all those questions necessarily wants answers posted here, but those are all good questions to think about.
Posted by Bonzo2011[/QUOTE]

No, I would like answers.  How else would I be able to answer OP's question about whether it's too soon for her to be getting married?

kimiandgary

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_drama-drama-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:94820b96-1af8-4347-98f9-11cee2603a21Post:4ee5c75d-c225-4f72-9eea-53ea1d652ef1">Re: Drama drama drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Drama drama drama : No, I would like answers.  How else would I be able to answer OP's question about whether it's too soon for her to be getting married?
Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]

Do you honestly think by her asking a few questions you can tell her if she is ready to be married?!

Bonzo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_drama-drama-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:94820b96-1af8-4347-98f9-11cee2603a21Post:4ee5c75d-c225-4f72-9eea-53ea1d652ef1">Re: Drama drama drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Drama drama drama : No, I would like answers.  How else would I be able to answer OP's question about whether it's too soon for her to be getting married?
Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]



Well, personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing many of the answers on an Internet forum. So I assumed it was rhetorical, as something she and her FI should discuss.

SierraBartz

I don't we how it would be rude, i wouldn't demand that they wear my colors i would ask that they wear red not say that they must. If they did want to i wouldn't be upset. And he has reasons that i understand and I don't hold that against him at all. I just feel picking one friend above all other friends would be unneeded drama, and i would like the extra effect of its him and me. All the questions were helpful to the effect of maybe thats what my mother is thinking. There is no doubt in my mind that he and I are ready we have been through A LOT already from living apart ,living together only one of us working taking a short separation ...ect. and we've gotten past the fighting all the time stage a long time ago we've learned how to talk about our problems.

We are mainly paying for the wedding ourselves and our families will help here and there as they can but we are asking as little as possible 

AurorasEnvy

Only you and your FI can know if it is too soon.  You guys sound a little young IMO, but age isn't everything - some people that get married younger than you stay together, and some people that get married older split up.  Generally speaking, I think your mom is probably concerned because statistically, marriages between older couples are more likely to last, and she just doesn't want to see you making a mistake.

And you don't have to have a wedding party, although I wouldn't tell your guests what  colors to wear either.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_drama-drama-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:94820b96-1af8-4347-98f9-11cee2603a21Post:7f035273-5d04-473b-ada2-4bfb1e690ba2">Drama drama drama</a>:
[QUOTE]So i kinda of have two issues with my wedding (that is going to be this september) First: my mom is not fully on board and i don't know how to tell her that her comments are not going to change my mind and are hurtful... is it so much to ask that she be happy that im happy? But she thinks we are too young I will be 23 and he will be 24 and our wedding is planned for our 4 year ann. is that too soon? Ok so second problem Approaching the issue of bridal parties i feel is going to be an issue with my FI neither of us has an abundance of "close friends" and he isn't super fond of who I'm thinking of for my MOH would it be unheard of to just skip the bridal parties all together and just ask friends to maybe wear our colors to the wedding?
Posted by SierraBartz[/QUOTE]

Is your mom thinking you're too young the only issue she has?

Skipping the bridal parties is your only option if nobody offers to throw them for you. Hosting your own shower or bachelorette is incredibly tacky.

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_drama-drama-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:94820b96-1af8-4347-98f9-11cee2603a21Post:d8cf67b7-17f3-489d-ad5a-23b42b9e5a40">Re: Drama drama drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't we how it would be rude, i wouldn't demand that they wear my colors i would ask that they wear red not say that they must. If they did want to i wouldn't be upset. And he has reasons that i understand and I don't hold that against him at all. I just feel picking one friend above all other friends would be unneeded drama, and i would like the extra effect of its him and me. All the questions were helpful to the effect of maybe thats what my mother is thinking. There is no doubt in my mind that he and I are ready we have been through A LOT already from living apart ,living together only one of us working taking a short separation ...ect. and we've gotten past the fighting all the time stage a long time ago we've learned how to talk about our problems. We are mainly paying for the wedding ourselves and our families will help here and there as they can but we are asking as little as possible 
Posted by SierraBartz[/QUOTE]

I don't think you sound too young to get married, (I'll be 23 at my wedding too) but I think PP's questions are all good ones.  However, I think you should consider them rhetorically, and see what you think.  The same "Life Plan" won't be right for everyone, so no one can hear your life story and say "yep, she's ready" or "no she's not", let alone decide based on what you could tell us in an internet forum. 

kateguess22

Hi Sierra-
Rest assured that you definitely do not need a wedding party. (My fiance and I are also not having a wedding party). Just figure out what it is that you really want and go from there.
Premarital counselling is a wonderful suggestion from Britney. You and your fiance might get a lot out of it and have a lot of great and helpful discussions.
My best wedding-planning advice (and I am trying to take this advice myself everyday) is to keep it simple and keep it about what really matters. And I agree with AurorasEnvy that the only people who can make the decision about when the right time is for you two to get married are you too! Other people who care about you will have their opinions and concerns- and that is okay and totally normal- but you need to listen to your heart and be open and honest with your fiance so you can make decisions that are the best for you in your life. It is understandably difficult for some parents to see their children get married when they have any doubts whatsoever about the timing. Sometimes they just want to know that you have considered all of your options and that you are seeing the big picture. Sometimes parents themselves have regrets in their lives that they badly hope you will avoid similar regrets and mistakes. This is totally understandable but just remember that you get to choose for yourself. Take the advice from your mom that you feel is helpful and just let the rest roll off your back. You might be surprised that sometimes there is some truth in what she says and you might gain something from it, even if not the way that she meant for you to take it. Try to stay positive.

Hilraythebride

Only you can really tell if you are ready or not to get married.  I am 23 and am ready to get married, I know I will be with him and be faithful to him for the rest of our lives.  I also know some 30 or 40 somethings who are not ready to get married.  

As for the wedding party, you don't need to have one.  I think it would be a shame not to include the person you want as your MOH because your FI doesn't like her though.

Kas254

I'm not having a bridal party, not even MOH/best man.

My groom's parents are escorting him down the aisle, then my mother (my father passed away a few years ago) is escorting me down the aisle. At the indicated point in the ceremony, my fiance's father will get up, give the rings to the priest, then sit back down.

Simple, the way we want it.