Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Groom @ Bridal Shower

So yesterday was my bridal shower (it was surprise), and I had been asked earlier if I wanted my fiance to stay for the shower and I said yes. The shower went beautifully, and he was excited to be able to stay, talk to everyone, and sit next to me as I opened the gifts. I hope I didn't put off any of the guests, though, because I know usually the groom stays away. Has anyone been to a shower where the groom stayed? Did you mind him being there?
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Re: Groom @ Bridal Shower

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I attended a bridal shower once where the groom came about halfway through and joined in the opening of gifts.  I think it actually helped afterward that he was there to help carry gifts to their car.  Nobody seemed weirded out by it.

    But obviously that doesn't work for everyone or every shower.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    The only time I have seen a groom there was at a couples shower, but I don't think it would bother me if the groom was there. I might think it was unusual, but I'd be cool with it. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I've always seen the groom at a wedding shower and the dad at a baby shower. He's not always in the room, but he's always there opening gifts. I like it - the gifts are for him too! 
  • Ive been to a few showers with the groom present. Either he showed up halfway through to help open presents and enjoy seeing friends and family or  at one shower he helped with the surprise in getting the bride there so he knew about it all and stayed for the whole thing. It didn't matter to me either way, it was nice either way! 
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  • Was at a friends Bridal shower it was held at a restaurant/bar, while the bridal shower went on the groom was at the bar with a couple friends.  My mom said my dad was there for hers in a similar fashion.

    I think I'd rather mine be there too, I don't really like females, to be honest I've always hung out with more guys so I think it'd be more comfortable for us to "suffer" together.
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  • beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_groom-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:9911a48e-4c14-4fe3-b488-f0966c5f752dPost:c13efe49-e6e6-445a-9db2-32a491a02ad2">Re: Groom @ Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Was at a friends Bridal shower it was held at a restaurant/bar, while the bridal shower went on the groom was at the bar with a couple friends.  My mom said my dad was there for hers in a similar fashion. I think I'd rather mine be there too, I don't really like females, to be honest I've always hung out with more guys so I think it'd be more comfortable for us to "suffer" together.
    Posted by Danthedoor[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Or you could, if anyone offers, decline a shower. I hope you're kind of joking here but it's super rude to allow people to use their time and money to throw a party for you and then other people use their time and money to attend a party in your honor and give you gifts if you're going to "suffer". It would be much more respectful to just not have a shower at all. </div>
  • In my area, there's a big difference between a bridal shower and a wedding shower.

    The bridal shower is definitely a female bonding event.  The gifts are for the bride (usually not from the wedding registry which is for setting up a shared home), and the women share personal stories and advice to ready the bride for married life - so when things start to get difficult during the wacky first year of marriage, the new bride has some advice and knowledge to deal with this stuff.  The groom would not be welcome in this environment with this kind of talk and programming going on for this shower.

    The wedding shower is usually for a woman who has been married before or who has lived with someone before or who has lived with FI quite a while, etc.  So there's no real talk or advice or training ideas for a new bride to navigate the rough waters of the first year of marriage.  The program of the shower is usually light games and eating.  And if the groom showed up at the end to help load stuff into the car, or even if he came for the last half hour or something, that might be OK.  I've never seen a guy at at shower, not even to pack the car.  But it might be OK for a wedding shower.  Never for a bridal shower.
  • It's customary in my circle for the groom to make an appearance near the end to say hello to the guests, thank them for the gifts, help clean up, help load up the car, and take the bride home if they live together. He's usually offered a piece of cake and coffee, too.
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  • I'm in the minority here.  I've been to one bridal shower where the groom (my cousin)showed up (at his FI's insistence because "that's how it is done now").  It made a lot of women uncomfortable and it was the most subdued shower ever - people whispered but there was really no talking.  At one point an outspoken great-aunt flat out asked her great-nephew when he was leaving.  Our showers were always a time for women to talk freely about their marriages, mistakes, pet peeves about their husbands, etc.  You really can't do that if the groom is sitting right there otherwise you look like a harpy witch.
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  • I've never been to a shower without the groom, and I've never known anyone to be weirded out by it. The gifts are for him too, so why shouldn't he attend?
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  • >>The gifts are for him too, so why shouldn't he attend?

    Well, that would be for a WEDDING shower where the gifts are off the registry, for the home that the bride and groom will create.

    But the OP asked about a BRIDAL shower, and GoodLuckBear14 was talking about a BRIDAL shower when she wrote:  Our showers were always a time for women to talk freely about their marriages, mistakes, pet peeves about their husbands, etc. 

    Yep.  That's what you do at a BRIDAL shower.  And some of the gifts at a bridal shower are for the home, but some are just for the bride - and the talk is for the bride to learn some tips and shortcuts and suggestions and other ways to best prepare for the usually-surprisingly-difficult first year.

    For couples that already live together, or people who've already been married to other people, this sort of "marriage readiness" isn't as common for the bride, and they usually have WEDDING showers.
  • 90% of the showers I've been to have had the groom present. I think its nice when the groom is there. The gifts are both of you and his family is there as well.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_groom-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:9911a48e-4c14-4fe3-b488-f0966c5f752dPost:597a231b-b050-4a21-a898-21ca332c5e3a">Re: Groom @ Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]In my area, there's a big difference between a bridal shower and a wedding shower. The bridal shower is definitely a female bonding event.  The gifts are for the bride (usually not from the wedding registry which is for setting up a shared home), and the women share personal stories and advice to ready the bride for married life - so when things start to get difficult during the wacky first year of marriage, the new bride has some advice and knowledge to deal with this stuff.  The groom would not be welcome in this environment with this kind of talk and programming going on for this shower. The wedding shower is usually for a woman who has been married before or who has lived with someone before or who has lived with FI quite a while, etc.  So there's no real talk or advice or training ideas for a new bride to navigate the rough waters of the first year of marriage.  The program of the shower is usually light games and eating.  And if the groom showed up at the end to help load stuff into the car, or even if he came for the last half hour or something, that might be OK.  I've never seen a guy at at shower, not even to pack the car.  But it might be OK for a wedding shower.  Never for a bridal shower.
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I have NEVER heard of this distinction before.  Your definition, honestly, frightens me.  "Programming"??  "Training ideas"??  It sounds incredibly archaic, bordering on insulting.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I have never heard of a distinction between a bridal and wedding shower.  This concept of bridal shower actually sounds more akin to the bachelorette party, or a lingerie themed shower.  Perhaps this is a custom limited to certain regions of the country or even amongst certain heritages.</div><div>
    </div><div>Daughter's FI attended her shower.  He arrived shortly after the dining/game portion of the "program" to participate in gift opening.  I know his family enjoyed and appreciated his attendance as much as the bride-to-be.  Some of the gifts from the registry had the groom in mind, and I think guests that purchased those gifts appreciated being able to see the groom open them.</div><div>
    </div><div>My son did not attend any of DIL's shower.  He, his father, FIL, and many uncles all went out for food and fun.  They did return at the very end, which gave them an opportunity to have a quick visit with the family and friends that did attend.

    </div>
  • FI plans on attending our shower. All of my extended family lives out of state and so they haven't met him yet. Most will be coming in town for the shower which will give them a chance to meet him before the wedding. Also, the gifts are for both of us so I think it's approrpriate he is there to thank them as well.
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  • lttlkasalttlkasa member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited March 2013
    It may not apply to most fellas, but my FI was *really* relieved when he was told he could leave after the initial "surprise" of the surprise shower his mom and sister put together for us. 

    Granted, he's not the kind of person who likes to be the center of attention, particularly in a room full of women. But I think an equally important question is whether your FI even wants to be included. If he does, then great, I see no problem with it. The gifts and advice were intended for both of us, after all.

    Mine wanted to hear about the games we had played and see the gifts we'd been given, but not firsthand. He actually texted me after he had made his retreat to ask if I was doing okay. :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_groom-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:9911a48e-4c14-4fe3-b488-f0966c5f752dPost:1142c54f-8034-48c9-92d8-99da794a0bde">Re: Groom @ Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's customary in my circle for the groom to make an appearance near the end to say hello to the guests, thank them for the gifts, help clean up, help load up the car, and take the bride home if they live together. He's usually offered a piece of cake and coffee, too.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    haha yup. My father and my sister's husband showed up toward the end of her shower and had beers, lol.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_groom-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:9911a48e-4c14-4fe3-b488-f0966c5f752dPost:5fc5c457-da35-417e-82ce-887d9a473f14">Re: Groom @ Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE] />>The gifts are for him too, so why shouldn't he attend? Well, that would be for a WEDDING shower where the gifts are off the registry, for the home that the bride and groom will create. But the OP asked about a BRIDAL shower, and GoodLuckBear14 was talking about a BRIDAL shower when she wrote:  <strong>Our showers were always a time for women to talk freely about their marriages, mistakes, pet peeves about their husbands, etc.  Yep.  That's what you do at a BRIDAL shower.</strong>  And some of the gifts at a bridal shower are for the home, but some are just for the bride - and the talk is for the bride to learn some tips and shortcuts and suggestions and other ways to best prepare for the usually-surprisingly-difficult first year. For couples that already live together, or people who've already been married to other people, this sort of "marriage readiness" isn't as common for the bride, and they usually have WEDDING showers.
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

    I;'ve never done this at any bridal shower. Mostly it is just playing games and talking. My mom had a raffle at my sister's and people desgined gift baskets and the winner of the raffle got to take home the basket.
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  • sounds like something different
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  • I've never heard of the distinction between bridal and wedding showers, and I question the validity of your definitions, @Kristen789.

    (Of course, I question the validity of everything else you say, too, so why should this be any different?)

    I'm having two showers -- one that my godmother is hosting that will be attended by women I've known my whole life whom I love and adore. FI will show up at the very end (it's being held in my hometown, and he'll be golfing with my dad and brother and godfather during the shower) so the women in my family can meet him.

    My other shower is being hosted by FI's family, and I *REALLY* wanted him to attend -- these are women from HIS family, many of whom I've not yet met, and I'd feel more comfortable with him there. His grandmother and aunt (I've posted about the aunt before) over-ruled what I wanted (they did on every other aspect of the shower, too; why not this one?) and he won't be there, despite my express desire for him to be. He'll be golfing (again), and he'll show up at the end, or near it, to be moral support.

    I've been to showers with men and without them. The only time I've seen it be awkward is when someone gets the bride lingerie, and the groom is there and makes a lewd comment about it. Look, if you're living together, we know you're having sex, but please don't rub our noses in it.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yep.  That's what you do at a BRIDAL shower.  And some of the gifts at a bridal shower are for the home, but some are just for the bride - and the talk is for the bride to learn some tips and shortcuts and suggestions and other ways to best prepare for the usually-surprisingly-difficult first year.
    Huh?  Is the 1st year really so horrible that you have to prep for it?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I was at a bridal shower where about halfway through the groom dropped in.  It was helpful, because there were a lot of things to carry to their car.  It certainly didn't disturb any "girls' thing" and we all had a good time.
  • In my area, there's a big difference between a bridal shower and a wedding shower.

    The bridal shower is definitely a female bonding event.  The gifts are for the bride (usually not from the wedding registry which is for setting up a shared home), and the women share personal stories and advice to ready the bride for married life - so when things start to get difficult during the wacky first year of marriage, the new bride has some advice and knowledge to deal with this stuff.  The groom would not be welcome in this environment with this kind of talk and programming going on for this shower.

    The wedding shower is usually for a woman who has been married before or who has lived with someone before or who has lived with FI quite a while, etc.  So there's no real talk or advice or training ideas for a new bride to navigate the rough waters of the first year of marriage.  The program of the shower is usually light games and eating.  And if the groom showed up at the end to help load stuff into the car, or even if he came for the last half hour or something, that might be OK.  I've never seen a guy at at shower, not even to pack the car.  But it might be OK for a wedding shower.  Never for a bridal shower.
    Yeah, I don't think this is a 'thing'... All showers are different, and could include any amount of games, advice, stories etc.  At my shower (and we just called it a shower), I got mostly things for the house, but not off the registry.  But one of my friends got me pampering things - hair oil, lip balm, face masks, etc.  OMG did I have a bridal shower or a wedding shower?!
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  • If the person hosting the shower specifically asked you and never acted put off, than obviously it didn't bother them. And if none of the guests appeared uneasy or irritated, I wouldn't worry about it. You had a good time, and it seems that whoever planned it did a good job. No stress! :)
  • See, I don't think the groom should have to be at the bridal shower or the Dad at the baby shower.  Both of these events are typically rather "girly" and I suspect would be rather boring for the groom.  I mean, it'd be nice if he showed up at the end in case there are gifts to load into a car, but to have him there the whole time seems unnecessary.  
  • I don't mind it at all. Especially when most of the guests are from the grooms side it can be really nice. But then again in my neck of the woods bridal showers aren't about prepping delicate virgins for marriage, so it's okay.
    HuckSC[Deleted User]
  • rajahmdrajahmd Galifrey member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2013
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I'm bored off my ass at showers so I would never subject my FI to that.



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  • RajahBMFD, I'm not girly for the most part.  (MOH is considering buy Star Wars themed plates for the shower...there you have it then).  But "how much do you know about the bride" games and "let's see which herb is which" would probably bore most men.  My FH is a trooper on many things, but especially if he's going to be the only guy at the shower, it's just not fair.  If you really want him there, have a jack and jill.
  • My FI was there at the beginning of the shower - left to go get fitted for his tux - and then came back at the end.  The shower was at my house so he wasn't there to help bring gifts out or anything (although he did help my MOH and his aunts pack their cars w/ the stuff they brought for food & drinks).  He came to see his family and socialize.  I don't think its weird to have the groom there... its about him too.

  • HuckSCHuckSC member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    RajahBMFD, I'm not girly for the most part.  (MOH is considering buy Star Wars themed plates for the shower...there you have it then).  But "how much do you know about the bride" games and "let's see which herb is which" would probably bore most men.  My FH is a trooper on many things, but especially if he's going to be the only guy at the shower, it's just not fair.  If you really want him there, have a jack and jill.
    I'm not a girly girl either and if the person that was planning my shower had the which herb is which game, they obviously didn't know me well because I would be bored out of my mind. I would much rather not get the stuff than sit through that crap.
    rajahmd
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