Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Here comes the bride...but not in this religion

So....I am having the wedding of my little girl dreams in 26 days! We met with the organist on Sunday. He played me a few songs from a list he gave us for the processional. Picked one and we moved on. Next up, the song I will be walking down the aisle too. He had 3 on the list and played all 3. He stops, I ask, "What about Here Comes the Bride, you know, the Bridal Chours?" He looks down and says: "We don't play that anymore." After abit of me saying "What?" "Really?" What!?!" "Why" "Wait, really?" He says that it is in the process of being banned in Catholic Churches because of the history of the song. I ask what history....Apparantly it (the song) was written back in 1848 by Richard Wagner for his Opera "Lohengrin". It was used in the beginning of Act 3 when Elise, the heroian is being escorted by her wedding party to the honeymoon room. I guess she was forced into marriage so the church is wanting to do away with it.

Lucky for me, in the end, I won the discussion. For the amount of money our organist is charging, I would have half the nerve to tell him not only has to play the 1 min walk for me (100 ft to be exact, lol) to get to my groom, but he has to do it in the buff too!!! lol

Has anyone else run across this, or other things that are "not allowed" for some reason? I thought this was ridiculous, and glad I get my Bridal Chorus!! :)

Re: Here comes the bride...but not in this religion

  • Um...yeah you were out of line with your attitude.  I had to clear with my priest that we would be permitted to have a bagpiper for our wedding.  He said no problem, so I was thrilled. However if he would have said we couldn't have one, or that he could only play outside due to church rules or policy, the last thing I would do is cop an attitude with him about it. Or suggest that they have bigger things to worry about your song. If that is the rule, and you're getting married there, you should have acted like a grown up about it. 
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  • As for your actual question, I haven't had any issues with religious rules affecting the wedding planning. My fiance and I are planning a nonreligious ceremony, nothing is going to be in a church, no religious prayers, etc. We have come across certain restrictions that our venue has regarding decorations (ex no open flame). 

    The venue/church/religion always has the right to decide what they will or will not allow. Their place, their rules. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_here-comes-bridebut-not-this-religion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:9fc76bea-6411-41cb-a95e-4f1557aa8d9cPost:5fe6aab0-4b26-4632-bbfb-3bd65c9b771b">Re: Here comes the bride...but not in this religion</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah... not cool to stamp your foot and pout until you get your way.<strong> I've heard of churches refusing to play that music because it was written by a proto-Nazi.</strong> :P Put on the big-girl pants and don't get the organist in trouble. If you want to get married in a church you need to respect the rules.
    Posted by Albireo[/QUOTE]

    Not really. Wagner was just co-opted by the Nazis as a symbol of German strength. Hitler was a big fan, which isn't his fault. Plus, the Church wasn't exactly fighting the good fight against the Holocaust in the 1940s, you know.

    But I agre with PPs. You want to get married in the church, you abide by their rules. The opera is secular. The Catholic Church doesn't have to play it.
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  • Our  Epsicopal church doesn't allow secular music to be sung.  "Here Comes the Bride" is allowed on the organ, fortunately for me.  However, no aisle runner, no unity candle (or sand, rose etc cermony), no throwing anything after the ceremony.  As far as readings, we were given a list of verses that were pre-approved, and anything else, even a different translation of the same verse, would have to be approved.

    Do any of the restrictions bother me?  No.  I learned how to play by the rules in pre-school.  It's kinda like how when you live at home, you have to follow your parents' rules.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_here-comes-bridebut-not-this-religion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:9fc76bea-6411-41cb-a95e-4f1557aa8d9cPost:66e74f3c-634d-4f1a-8ed2-aaa539ea68fc">Re: Here comes the bride...but not in this religion</a>:
    [QUOTE]Our  Epsicopal church doesn't allow secular music to be sung.  "Here Comes the Bride" is allowed on the organ, fortunately for me.  However, no aisle runner, no unity candle (or sand, rose etc cermony), no throwing anything after the ceremony.  As far as readings, we were given a list of verses that were pre-approved, and anything else, even a different translation of the same verse, would have to be approved. Do any of the restrictions bother me?  No.  I learned how to play by the rules in pre-school.  It's kinda like how when you live at home, you have to follow your parents' rules.
    Posted by jenn.daniel[/QUOTE]

    Also having an Epsicopalian wedding and thought to ask the rules before I chose my music. 
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited May 2010
    Not only can the Cathoic parish restrict your songs, I've seen them take a stance on the version of a song.  One friend wanted Ave Maria played for the devotion to Mary and she couldn't use the version that most are familiar with.  The reason?  Because it was written by a Protestant.

    However, she was a grownup who decided to get married in that church understanding "their sandbox, their rules."
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  • edited May 2010
    I only recently found out that the Catholic Church will not allow a  priest to marry you at your venue, in a garden, a vineyard or any place but IN the church itself.  No negotiations, not up for discussion.  That is what I found so unusual. I never thought that the place that the ceremony was performed so critical to it being blessed by God.  In any event it made it tough because we picked the place based on the outdoor setting. SO now my dsughter is getting married in the Church the night of the rehearsal dinner and another ceremony by a minister the next day at the actual wedding.  The rules are very strict and I understand the music goes by the parish pastor's wishes.
  • Many of the wedding "traditions" come from sketchy beginnings. Such as having bridesmaids and groomsmen. they were supposed to keep the ride from running away and to fend off anyone trying to get her back from the men who stole her. If all these traditions were banned would it be the wedding we hoped for? No. These traditions have different origins but it what we make of it on our wedding day that makes it special. If you want here comes the bride then it is your choice and I am glad you were able to ask for what you want and are able to make a song that may not have a great origin work for you and to turn it into a positive. We only let thing hold negative power when we ban them. Walk down the aisle and feel beautiful!
  • Thank you Jade. xo I feel bad that people find the quickest thing to jump down people's throats over. For sake of length I didn't think that I had to put what my organist was saying to me between the "What?" "Really?" What?!?" etc. And I obviously didn't tell the man to play anything naked based on his high cost, but I thought it had gone without saying. lol

    Thanks again and have a great night! I'm headed out dancing with my man. :)
  • I'm also getting married in a Catholic church and they gave us a whole list of things (music specifically) that were no-nos. Wagner and Mendelssohn specifically music-wise; wedding coordinators for the rehearsal and petals are other things. I booked my church early and so I got this handy list early and so it didn't really affect my choices of things--but when considering things definitely I had this list as a go-to of what not to do. So, yeah, there were some things that I was planning on that I had to switch. On the other hand, I (well, actually the boy) made the decision to get married in a church, so I don't bother arguing with the rules. They want them there, I'll go along with them.
  • I'm gonna have to agree with the original bride on this, the Church was fine with her music selection, the organist had no problem playing it. So what if she refused to let go of her dream wedding. Wouldn't any of you do the same if it was something you really wanted? If not, you apparently have no backbone. A girl's wedding is something she might have planned from a little girl, and to make her change that because of the changing whims of the Church is ridiculous. As a historian I will say that our idea of marriage is not the same as early Christians, or even earlier Jewish versions of marriage. Our Church, whether its Catholic or Protestant is not the same as the original Church founded by Constantine, presided over by his mother. So to those of you picking on this woman because she refused to be pushed around by an antiquated system I say lay off. It's her wedding, she's paying the organist and the Church for the space, let her have her day.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_here-comes-bridebut-not-this-religion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:9fc76bea-6411-41cb-a95e-4f1557aa8d9cPost:41adeba1-1c46-49be-8ac2-a7d826ac8fab">Re: Here comes the bride...but not in this religion</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm gonna have to agree with the original bride on this, the Church was fine with her music selection, the organist had no problem playing it. So what if she refused to let go of her dream wedding. Wouldn't any of you do the same if it was something you really wanted? If not, you apparently have no backbone. A girl's wedding is something she might have planned from a little girl, and to make her change that because of the changing whims of the Church is ridiculous. As a historian I will say that our idea of marriage is not the same as early Christians, or even earlier Jewish versions of marriage. Our Church, whether its Catholic or Protestant is not the same as the original Church founded by Constantine, presided over by his mother. So to those of you picking on this woman because she refused to be pushed around by an antiquated system I say lay off. It's her wedding, she's paying the organist and the Church for the space, let her have her day.
    Posted by cami4[/QUOTE]
    You say "backbone," I say "spoiled brat who doesn't understand that rules apply to her, too."  To-may-to, to-mah-to.
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  • I agree that if you make the choice to get married at a certain location, you follow the rules or find another place.  We are planning our wedding at a renaissance festival.  I've always dreamed of having dancing at my wedding, and I've known for years what song I want to dance with my dad to.  But having the wedding at faire, we will have musicians, but only for background music, not dancing.  Am I disappointed?  Yeah.  Am I going to throw a fit about it?  Nah.  There will also be no ceremony music.  And that's fine, too.  YOU chose the place you wanted to get married.  Please respect their rules.  Or, rather, YOU chose the organist, please respect what you were told.  He may have told you that he didn't have a moral problem with it, just to placate you.  You have no idea what he was thinking.  And wouldn't that just be lovely if he changed his mind before the ceremony and surprised you with a different song?  Actually, I now have a beautiful mental picture of him playing a different song as you enter the church and a B-zilla coming down the aisle, hell-bent on killing the organist.
  • Many Catholic churches don't allow that for the reasons you describe.  In fact most Catholic churches don't allow any secular music but many are more liberal and do.  It just depends on the church.  I'm getting married in the Catholic church and I knew that rule and all before I booked the church.  I went to the music director of the church I was looking at and told him all of the music I wanted and asked if it would be ok before I even booked a date there.  Music was really really important to me.  
  •  They don't allow you to marry outside of the Church because marriage is a sacrament and sacraments can't be administered outside of the Church.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Technically sacraments can and are performed out of a church, such as the Anointing of the Sick. They just prefer it isn't. And the priesthood is bound by the preferences of the diocese.
  • Holy wow!
    Threads like this make me scared to post here.Embarassed

    ~backing away slowly~
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