Trouble picking whose hometown HELP PLEASE!!!!

shanfletcher1029

I have  a HUGE problem We are planning to get married spring/summer of 2014 but there is a huge fight about which hometown. He is from FL and i am from WV he does not want to get married in WV even though this is where my parents live (they are paying for 85% of the wedding) it is also where we met and  where he went to school. But  he wants to get married in FL because that's where his whole family lives and he is afraid they won't travel. We can't get married where we will live because there is a possibility we are moving to Canada before the end of the year. What do I do???????

shanfletcher1029

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_trouble-picking-whose-hometown-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a066eace-bc6c-45a7-a2a4-b676af5a5925Post:439bbba2-d1b0-41cc-b901-64cfc12d7b19">Re: Trouble picking whose hometown HELP PLEASE!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Trouble picking whose hometown HELP PLEASE!!!! : Option D: Learn how to have a mature conversation where you come to a decision together. 
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

<div>actually we are mature this is the only thing  we  can't agree on....I'm asking for serious help not smartass comments</div>

AddieCake

Why is he afraid they won't travel? Have they indicated so? I think if your family is paying for the bulk of the wedding, and I presume you will be planning the bulk of the wedding, ( apologies to the more hands-on grooms out there) you should get married in your hometown b/c it will be easier for you to plan in a familiar location.

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_trouble-picking-whose-hometown-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a066eace-bc6c-45a7-a2a4-b676af5a5925Post:61d9f42f-aa21-49af-bd3d-33b08a503b0b">Re: Trouble picking whose hometown HELP PLEASE!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is he afraid they won't travel? Have they indicated so? I think if your family is paying for the bulk of the wedding, and I presume you will be planning the bulk of the wedding, ( apologies to the more hands-on grooms out there) you should get married in your hometown b/c it will be easier for you to plan in a familiar location.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I wanted to say, but Addie said it so well I'm just repeating it.

libby2483

Where do your parents want the wedding? In your hometown where they live? Since they are paying for most of the wedding, I think that they should have a say as well.

AJuliaNJ

Since you both have emotional reasons for your selected cities, you might just try to take emotion out of it and come to a logical agreement that neither of you can disagree with. Where will most of your guests be? Is it possible to select a neutral 3rd location that means something to both of you? Where would your guests be most likely to want to travel? What is most cost effective?

I feel like the argument, "my parents are paying so we have it where I want," is unfair to him. It's both of your wedding, and I think making that argument degrades that.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_trouble-picking-whose-hometown-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a066eace-bc6c-45a7-a2a4-b676af5a5925Post:383c7d37-52f6-47e0-ac27-8933635c6858">Re: Trouble picking whose hometown HELP PLEASE!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trouble picking whose hometown HELP PLEASE!!!! : actually we are mature this is the only thing  we  can't agree on....I'm asking for serious help not smartass comments
Posted by shanfletcher1029[/QUOTE]

<div>It might not be what you want to hear, but that is serious advice.</div><div>
</div><div>If you are going to marry this person, you need to learn how to deal with a situation where you disagree and figure out how to come to a compromise you can both live with.  Getting a third party to settle a disagreement is not how mature adults settle conflict.  </div>

[Deleted User]

We're getting married in his hometown because it made sense for us.

As for not getting smartass comments? As others have said, if you want the "feel good" responses, try weddingbee. The ladies here are honest and aren't afraid to tell you if your idea isn't a good one. (Personally, that's why I keep coming back.)

Emanons

Have you considered a destination wedding with yourselves, your parents and MOM and Best Man?

shanfletcher1029

Thank you all u were all a big help. I will let you know which hometown we pick

Ajuliana

Flip a coin.  Just make sure it's a double headed cheat coin, and that you pick which side you want first.  Done and done.

harper0813

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_trouble-picking-whose-hometown-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a066eace-bc6c-45a7-a2a4-b676af5a5925Post:1589178d-58f5-44df-9358-d7bc559087e9">Re: Trouble picking whose hometown HELP PLEASE!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Trouble picking whose hometown HELP PLEASE!!!! : It might not be what you want to hear, but that is serious advice. If you are going to marry this person, you need to learn how to deal with a situation where you disagree and figure out how to come to a compromise you can both live with.  Getting a third party to settle a disagreement is not how mature adults settle conflict.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Slow clap

</div>

colleengilhooly

I went through a similar situation with FI. We ended up chosing my hometown because my mom is paying for everything and it was way easier for me to plan in a place that I am famillar with. We live about 3 hours away from my hometown and his hometown is about 1.5 hours away so we are closer than you and your FI but the issue is the same. It was not an easy decision to come to and it took a lot of long talks but the planning process became fun again once we decided. I know FI isn't thrilled with the decision (he is from a small town and worries that they won't travel) but he is supportive and understands the decsion because we made it together! Good luck!

MuppetOverlord

I think it's mature for her to ask for peoples opinions so that she can hear different perspectives and opinions to make a more informed decision. I'm pretty sure that's what most people do on this board when they ask for help or opinions.

FWIW, I agree on the side of WV because that's where your families are and more importantly, that's where the hosting parents are.

sarahroslansky

So I agree with people that you need to come to a decision with FI that you both feel good about, but you do have a really good shot at having it in WV (for the reasons previously stated by others). My fiance's sister is getting married next year to a guy who is from Argentina, and all his family lives there. Obviously not all of them are going to be able to come to their wedding (which is going to be in England, where they both live now), so they went to Argentina recently and had an engagement party there. Could you maybe do something like this? Go to FL sometime before the wedding and have some kind of pre-wedding party so that all his loved ones are able to participate somehow in your wedding? Just a thought. Good luck!!

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_trouble-picking-whose-hometown-help-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a066eace-bc6c-45a7-a2a4-b676af5a5925Post:c663292a-fe52-400b-8a04-aa85c5d94df4">Trouble picking whose hometown HELP PLEASE!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have  a HUGE problem We are planning to get married spring/summer of 2014 but there is a huge fight about which hometown. He is from FL and i am from WV he does not want to get married in WV even though this is where my parents live (they are paying for 85% of the wedding) it is also where we met and  where he went to school. But  he wants to get married in FL because that's where his whole family lives and he is afraid they won't travel. We can't get married where we will live because there is a possibility we are moving to Canada before the end of the year. What do I do???????
Posted by shanfletcher1029[/QUOTE]

If you aren't paying for the majority of the wedding you don't get a say.

Also, you have soooooo much time. No need to freak out right now. See where life takes you- a lot can happen in a year and a half.