Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'

sklink0486

Oh musicalsunlight....I have no problem with people responding to my posts, that's why I post them. I am simply offering my heartfelt opinion on the matter. Thanks though 

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:19b75f79-3513-48cd-8daf-f4b278e4749c">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]Most wedding I've gone to had a dollar dance. It is very common in Minnesota and not considered rude at all. It really is a way for the bride and groom to dance with children, friends, and family that they wouldn't get a chance to dance with...there are only so many songs and everyone can get in the dollar dance line (some even multiple times). It honestly is viewed more like tipping a waitress rather than selling yourself. Once the couple was even given Euros for their honeymoon in Italy. I've even heard of donating the cash to a charity. No one is obligated to do it if they don't want to and it's all meant in fun. I say if you want to do it go for it. Have someone in the wedding party announce it and then MOH and BM collect the cash and tell when it's the next person's turn.
Posted by mbatzlaff[/QUOTE]

But why does it have to involve money?  Can't the bride and groom stand on the dance floor and have people line up to dance with them for 30 seconds each without money changing hands?

If the idea is that it creates a time for the B&G to dance with guests, then simply create the time.  Have the MOH and BM "monitor" the time, and send people to cut in to the dance each 30 seconds.

It's NOT the dancing with guests part that is troublesome, it's CHARGING people for the opportunity to do it that is troublesome.

skippylouwho

I think the tradition of having the Bride and Groom dance with as many people as possible at their reception is a wonderful idea. Why wouldn't they do that anyway? Why do they charge their guests to dance with them? Wouldn't it be the gracious thing for the host and hostess (bride and groom) to try to do that anyway?

Why must money be involved?  My opinion is, whether anyone else atrees or not, is that asking guests to pay to dance with one's self is really repulsive to me.

StacyJenniges

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:a86ad387-dec3-460c-8897-a6a6b794fb3c">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance' : <strong>But why does it have to involve money?</strong>  Can't the bride and groom stand on the dance floor and have people line up to dance with them for 30 seconds each without money changing hands? If the idea is that it creates a time for the B&G to dance with guests, then simply create the time.  Have the MOH and BM "monitor" the time, and send people to cut in to the dance each 30 seconds. It's NOT the dancing with guests part that is troublesome, it's CHARGING people for the opportunity to do it that is troublesome.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]


I'm also from a part of Minnesota where this is done on a regular basis.  It involves money because the people partcipating (The guests not the bride and groom)  WANT to give the money.  If they don't want to they do not participate.  I've seen many Dollar Dances where people are forking over 20s and even 50s.  It's a tradition in parts of the I'll say Midwest.  I can understand that if you come from an area where this is not done that you may not understand it. 

I think that if someone feels that the dollar dance will not be well accepted by their GUESTS then they should not do it.  I for one love the dollar dance I love going to my friends weddings and paying $1, $5, and even $20 to dance and have fun.  However I am not sure how my fiance's family feels about it and if they feel the way many of you do I will not be doing a dollar dance. 

trix1223

Actaully, Stacy, I know all about the dollar dance.  I married into a family that ALWAYS does the dollar dance.  We were the first in the family to not have one.  And no one complained, no one went to the band and insisted that they announce one, and no one stormed out of the wedding pissed off because they didn't have to pay for anything at the wedding. 

How about this?  A couple has the time to dance with the bride and groom.  But no one mentions money at all.   They don't call it a dollar dance.  They don't call it a money dance.  No one stands there to collect money.  If someone offers money, the bride and groom say "We couldn't accept money.  We're so grateful that you're here with us to celebrate.  I'd much rather have to tell me how Cousin Carol is enjoying her new job!"

FWIW:  In DH's family, his brother and wife had a dollar dance, his nephew and bride had a dollar dance, his cousins all had dollar dances.  It was okay with them.....just not us.  We've had 2 of our kids married.  Neither had a $$ dance, and their weddings were fun, lively, beautiful, and the bride and groom had time to see everyone and dance with many.  All without a single dollar changing hands.

sklink0486

Honestly, I'm not sure why many people feel the need to tell other people that their traditions are rude and greedy and that there are other, better ways to go about it....it is a TRADITION, not etiquette, so trying to convince or show people that it is greedy or tacky when for them it is normal and fun, is pointless. Everyone is entitled to their individual opinion if they like the dollar dance or not, but I don't get why many of you think that this is something other people will change their minds about if it is a tradition in their family or culture. 

StacyJenniges

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:2b2fca3d-935e-4e0a-9903-52025436b456">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I'm not sure why many people feel the need to tell other people that their traditions are rude and greedy and that there are other, better ways to go about it....it is a TRADITION, not etiquette, so trying to convince or show people that it is greedy or tacky when for them it is normal and fun, is pointless. Everyone is entitled to their individual opinion if they like the dollar dance or not, but I don't get why many of you think that this is something other people will change their minds about if it is a tradition in their family or culture. 
Posted by sklink0486[/QUOTE]


I couldn't have said this better.  I was going to resond to Trixes comments to me but this right here says it all. 

musicalsunlight

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:2b2fca3d-935e-4e0a-9903-52025436b456">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I'm not sure why many people feel the need to tell other people that their traditions are rude and greedy and that there are other, better ways to go about it....it is a TRADITION, not etiquette, so trying to convince or show people that it is greedy or tacky when for them it is normal and fun, is pointless. Everyone is entitled to their individual opinion if they like the dollar dance or not, but I don't get why many of you think that this is something other people will change their minds about if it is a tradition in their family or culture. 
Posted by sklink0486[/QUOTE]

Um freedom of expression? Everyone is free to give their opinion on any matter, but doesn't mean anyone has to follow it.

logana1

I've only been to a few weddings myself and only one had a dollar dance.  They had the DJ announce it in a fun way.  Something along the lines of they spent all their money on the wedding and are about to go on a honeymoon, who wants to give them a bit of extra spending cash?  It was cute, but unless it's a tradition, I wouldn't do it.

MissRutig

Most of the weddings i have been to have included the dollar dance. I have never seen it tacky and its funny to watch the bride and groom start competing... and seriously whats an extra dollar to help out the new Mr & Mrs.

If guests find it tacky, they wont participate. And the ones who find it enjoyable will. You honestly cant please everyone.

A lot of people see it as a tradition and almost expect it at weddings... and least the ones around here. Like someone else mentioned, maybe check your local boards to see if its the norm in your area.

jemmini6

I grew up in an area/social circle where they are VERY common.  I've only been to one wedding where they B&G didn't plan to do one, but several guests actually went up to the DJ and requested that they do one....so the B&G ended up doing it as their last dance. 

However, I can definitely see the other side of the arguement...if they aren't something that is very widely done, then it would be really awkward to be the first to do it.  So if you want to do one, I would highly suggest asking around both your families to see if anyone would participate.  I can only imagine how awful that would be to announce the dollar dance and have no one get up....

courtney1188

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:8da505cf-96bb-4f94-9c53-2b31614467ec">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I just say that I know everyone is entitled to their opinions, but if you have never seen a dollar dance, maybe you don't understand that it is also fun for guests sometimes. <strong>These are family and friends after all, and the fun of the dollar dance for them is that they get to dance with their cousin or nephew or friend, and may never have the chance again. I had never danced with my cousin before and I was really excited to stand in line and give him $1 (yes, $1- there is no minimum really in my family besides that) to dance with him for the first and probably only time.</strong> It may have been short, but sweet. Not everyone has to participate.
Posted by sklink0486[/QUOTE]

So you somehow aren't allowed to dance with these people if you don't make them pay you? I'm not following that logic. You could just be a nice cousin/aunt/niece/whatever and dance with people who ask even if they don't give you money. Not having a dollar dance does not take away your ability to dance with others.

And for those saying it's weird to not have a dollar dance in Wisconsin or Ohio, I've been to several weddings in both states and never ever seen this done. My family would be horrified.

sklink0486

I never said you can't dance with your family member without paying them, of course you can- I'm not following your logic. I am just the type of family member that doesn't mind giving a family member a $1 also. 

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:f9d61d79-6bdc-4450-9453-427e3f15ca31">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Is a dollar dance a tradition in your family?  If not, I wouldn't do it. </strong> They are controversial, and usually done only in Baltic cultures.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div>

jaydanacht11

Wow... just shocked at how those who have no understanding of certain traditions will give their opinion.  If you have never attended a wedding witha  dollar dance or if you don't understand what it is and why one is given you should be very careful in how you respond. Tacky is a word that should be used carefully.  I grew up going to weddings that had them...  People who attend weddings understand that the families involved have spent a lot of money to host this huge event and often are happy to extend what ever money/gifts best shows their love and support of the couple and appreciation for being invited to such a special occasion.  Tradition is lost to splashy events and over the top productions that have so little to do with the actual marriage itself its disgusting.  When you are fighting at 3 am about the toilet seat being left up, no one will remember the dollar dance.  If you feel guilty about people opening their wallets to dance with you then don't have it.  If you know it is some thing that people from your area are comfortable with and you are comfortable with then roll with it.

jaydanacht11

Your reply made my point.   At the end of the day having or not having a dollar dance isn't the end all be all of a wedding or a marriage.  Whether your family spends 30k or 300 to host a wedding the point is to celebrate the couple and their relationship.  HOWEVER people choose to participate is up to them.  Personally, I think its of poor taste to attend a wedding and not shower the couple in what ever way best suits your relationship to them..  If that is everyone getting up and giving them money to dance to celebrate then so be it.  If you can't afford it. Don't get up. clap, cheer, take pictures....   But don't belittle some one by calling them tacky for considering something that is a part of their culture. 

arf3420

Wow, I'm so glad I read this!  Where I come from, EVERY wedding has a dollar dance.  It's just the standard thing.  I never knew it was just a regional thing so I was just automatically going to do one because that's what people do.  Now you have me reconsidering it...  We aren't having any out of town guests, except for maybe 2 or 3, so I'm assuming most of them will expect the dance.  But now I'm afraid of people being offended, so it might be better just to skip it.  I never thought of it as rude at all, but it sure doesn't seem to get a good response on here so you never know.   Then again, I also never knew a cookie table was a regional thing until I read it on here.  Every wedding in my city HAS to have a cookie table.  And I'd never heard of a candy buffet before either.  Probably because everyone here has cookies instead.  Lol.  Amazing what you can learn from message boards!! :-)

Lisa50

If your (or your FI's) family wedding traditions include a Dollar Dance, go for it. 

You may want to be certain your DJ is familiar with the tradition (as in, has announced it at more than just a few weddings) and have fun.  I have only been to one wedding that included a Dollar Dance (Polish family living in Pennsylvania).  Everyone there was cool with it.  I just sat back in ... awe? 

cbratthauer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_contemplating-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a34f6393-970d-426f-a822-165bd4d57296Post:05bcce1e-3db7-455b-9cc5-1d747cf5cb30">Re: Contemplating a 'Dollar Dance'</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm pretty shocked and appalled at the responses here. Here in Wisconsin, it's incredibly common to have a dollar dance. It's considered weird if you DON'T have one. I'll be willing to bet there are more people who are familiar with the dollar dance than you think. All these people saying that it's tacky are incredibly rude. You are trash talking family and cultural traditions, which is incredily tacky and distasteful in itself. So take what they say with a grain of salt. It's a case of the pot calling the kettle black.
Posted by CorrieDude[/QUOTE]

I agree. We are having a dollar dance. Every wedding I have gone to has had a dollar dance. It's fun and generally they will even see who got the most dollars, like a competition between the bride and groom sort of. I don't think it's tacky. I have been reading a lot of posts and I feel like A LOT of things we are doing in our wedding (which, by the way, are normal around here) people are saying are "tacky" and "rude". I think it is something that, if you want to do it, then do it. If people think it's tacky then they don't have to participate.

Fireworks061510

I agree with Lacey, if your doing your own music, have someone (who won't be involved in any of the main dances) announce the different dances you're going to have.

We are having a dollar dance, don't let what everyone else thinks distort how you want YOUR reception to go. If YOU & your FI want a dollar dance, then do it!!

Good Luck!! )

nana8301

I do not feel like it is tacky at all. My HUGE family does it at every wedding and I love it! It is a neat way to get to have just those few precious moments alone with the bride or groom that you wouldn't necessarily get in all the hustle and bustle of a large wedding. In my family (and those of many friends) the BM and MOH organizes each line and offers each participant (of legal age, of course) a shot before they dance. We have a blast and it makes for great pictures. And its always hilarious when the groomsmen line up to dance with the leading man!  My younger brothers have already requested the honor of picking the dollar dance music/alcohol....its that big of a deal in my familia!! Though, in a way I agree with those who are anti-dollar dance. If you family and guest are not used to or comfortable with a dollar-dance it may not be well recieved. I also feel we all should be a little more open-minded to others traditions, that tacky word did hurt my feelings a bit. My guests would be bummed if we didnt carry on this tradition.

TammaraFlake

I like the dollar dance. everyone wants a chance to dance with the bride... And this kinda 'buys a minute' with the bride so to speak. I have never been to a wedding that didnt have a dollar dance.  I am having a dollar dance at my wedding.   You pic a song... Usually the brides favorite song and the dj announces the song and that its the dollar dance and people get in a line and they either pin the dollars to you or put them in a bag...   Do it... Have fun.. You can start a new tradition if you have never done it... 

CorrieDude

Wow, apparently my response got someone a little riled up. If you want to do it, then do it. You want to look back on your wedding as the day you did everything you wanted to with no regrets. 

jazzybacc

We're thinking of doing it too.  I went to a good friend's wedding and actually was disappointed they didn't have a dollar dance, I was going to pop a $20 in there.  People have the option to give you money.  You are not FORCING them to pay anything.  If they don't want to, they just don't get in line.

Think of weddings you've  been to for other family members.  Have they done it and if so, how many people lined up? If not many did, it's probably going to not be worth it for you to do.

tehlilone

Reading all the "tacky" and "greedy" comments on this board makes me wonder where the "supportive group of brides who are mindful that this is an international forum where brides(and possibly grooms) from all over the world will post with questions and answers" are.

Do you know why there is a money dance tradition?

You give money to wish the couple good fortune and financial stability in their future together.

It's like getting new money in red envelopes on chinese/vietnamese/etc new year. They money symbolizes the money you'll be getting in the next year.

The more money you get during the dance, the better your financial future will be. At the root, it's a symbolic/superstitious tradition.

Plus, for a lot of guests it's really fun.

I personally don't want to do one because the idea of poking pins in my wedding dress and dancing with complete strangers (on my SO's side) does not appeal to me, but I know that I HAVE to have one because everyone expects it. They make hats, necklaces, etc and pin them on the bride and groom. I personally don't like it but I would never suggest it's a low thing to do, which is the impression I'm getting from all the "tacky," "offensive," and "greedy" comments.

It's good to express your own opinion, but blatently putting down another's culture isn't something to be proud of.

carrie09

First of all, I agree with Tiger_Tammer...this string of comments makes me hate the word 'tacky'. I have seen the dollar dance in every wedding I have ever attended, regardless of culture or religion. It's just something fun to take part in during the reception. I've even been to one where a little girl gave her penny to the groom to dance with him (it was his niece and it was so cute). It's not meant to be 'tacky' or 'rude' as far as I'm concerned and I highly doubt that people doing the dollar dance are planning on retiring early with the money they get from the dance. It's your special day and if a dollar dance sounds like a fun idea for you, absolutely do it! I don't think it's so much that dollar dances are distasteful as much as people just don't know how to relax and have fun without constantly overthinking things and judging it. I know I will be doing one because not only is it something that everyone in my family and circle of friends do, but because I personally just want to have fun in my wedding!

Frogger5

I say do it if you want to. There are so many things that other people think are not proper that I'm sure a lot of those who bash the dollar dance are doing. Computer-printing address labels? Slipping the registry location in with the wedding invitation? Having a registry at all? Email save the dates and/or invitations? Registering for a honeymoon, or putting the word out that you really just want cash? So come on, let's not get all upset. Everyone wants to pretend that they don't care about money or gifts, but come on. Search your soul and see how you would feel if no one brought a gift to your wedding. And, anyone having a shower? That's a pretty clear gift-grab. Maybe you feel justified because technically someone else plans it - but what about those of you who let your maid of honor know that planning your shower would be one of her responsibilities?

amys325

It's ONE dollar.  One measley little dollar.  It is a tradition and lots of families do it.

I can see getting offended if they call it a $5 or $10 dance.  But man, I give dollars to all the homeless people on the street daily.  The least I could do is save one for  a friend.