Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

XP: vent and need advice about my mom's idea of a wedding.

Hi everyone,

I am getting married on the island FI and my family are from, but I never envisioning having a traditional Barbadian wedding. I'm first generation Bajan American and there are many ideas my mother has about what needs to be done that I either don't like, are out of style, or just aren't important to me. Initially I took the approach of letting her know that I wanted an intimate ceremony, in a garden with my closest family/friends, with no floral centerpieces or bouquets and dessert but not our traditional rum based wedding cake. I want basically a creative American wedding that happens to be in Barbados.

My mother quickly told me I should elope and not invite her mother or family because she would be embarrassed that they would be disappointed and talk about me poorly around the island. And that obviously I don't have the money for a "real" wedding. I was a little less than gracious in my initial response because I think that anyone tacky enough to be anything less than loving on their child or grandchild's wedding day is rude IMO.

I'd like to avoid any future rude responses on my behalf. Help me figure out how to explain this to her? Because frankly I was a corporate event planner for 5 years and have produced over 100 events as well as 6 1000-person galas. I think I know what I'm doing. Or should I give in to her requests? She isn't contributing at all. I know I shouldn't discuss my plans with her but their absence would significantly change my wedding size and possibly venue.
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