Bear with me, this is a little complicated.
I do not actually know my father, his name isn't listed on my birth certificate and though family members do know, I have no desire to know. My step-father married my mother shortly after my first birthday. However, my mother passed away when I was a few years old. My maternal grandparents gave my step-father legal custody because I have two half-siblings and they didn't want to split us up. Now, my step-father hasn't been a a major part of my life for the last 6 to 7 years (kicked me out senior year of high school because my grades weren't good enough for him (I'm talking 90's and not 100's)., but in the last year, he's been trying (100 mile separation, long work hours). I've seen him 4 times and he did go out of his way to attend my college graduation. This has absolutely nothing to do with money, but more to do with permanence and attachment.
My grandfather has been in every way the father figure in my life, always telling me how proud he was, how I could do anything I wanted if I set my mind to it. My step-father on the other hand was controlling and felt that I should do exactly what he wanted and nothing less than a 100 was acceptable. My future husband's father has been in my life since our third date and has quickly become a second father figure to me.
I don't know how to arrange walking down the aisle or the father - daughter dance scenario but my future husband and I are both looking at a strict Irish based wedding minus the church. We are not religious but very traditional when it comes to weddings. We don't intend to accept money from my step-father if it comes with conditions, because I refuse to allow him to attempt to control me again. I don't want to create conflict, I want to invite him. But it's all ready being mentioned by family and I don't want this to become a source of contention in what is supposed to be a very happy time.
Is it wrong of me to request that my stepfather and my future husband's father walk me down the aisle and then have my grandfather dance with me?
Any other suggestions?
Thank you.