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Bridal Shower guests

So I'm pretty sure I've heard before that you should only invite guests to your bridal shower who are being invited to the wedding.  But what about your B-list guests?  We're having a budget wedding and our list is tightly constrained.  I'm sure that some OOT family won't be coming to our wedding (or shower) but they are on the A-list.  I have some local friends who are on the B-list and I know would come to the shower.  Ideas?
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Re: Bridal Shower guests

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    You shouldn't have B-lists IMO. How would you feel if you were someone's B-list? That's like saying I really didn't want you there but since Auntie Em can't make it, I guess you can come too. This is just my opinion and to be safe (if you stick with A-list and B-list), you should only invite the A-list to the shower to avoid drama.
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    Oh gosh.

    1. A/B lists are horrible. People can figure out what you are doing by your RSVP date. Plus, if any of your guests talk, they will figure it out by the date you send some invites to some & then to others. So expect people to get their feeling's hurt. Good luck mending those relationships.

    2. If you still decide to go ahead with the rude A/B thing. Only invite A people to the shower. Usually showers are small. And for your close friends & family only, otherwise you look like you are being gift grabby. (I'm assuming they will be on the A list).

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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-shower-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b50d007f-f135-4a69-a070-81539332d5aaPost:e5383a41-4094-4277-95f7-5ac8401e9982">Bridal Shower guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I'm pretty sure I've heard before that you should only invite guests to your bridal shower who are being invited to the wedding.  But what about your B-list guests?  We're having a budget wedding and our list is tightly constrained.  I'm sure that some OOT family won't be coming to our wedding (or shower) but they are on the A-list.  I have some local friends who are on the B-list and I know would come to the shower.  Ideas?
    Posted by Equine Osmosis[/QUOTE]

    <div>Outside of the fact that B lists are quite rude, you only invite those that are definitely going to be invited.  So, your shower could only include people who would make the first string guest list.</div><div>
    </div><div>The B can't be invited, since you don't know whether or not you'll be inviting them.  </div><div>
    </div><div>But really, if they aren't good enough to make it to your A list, they have no business on a shower list anyway.  Showers are only for your closest friends and family.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-shower-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b50d007f-f135-4a69-a070-81539332d5aaPost:6eb40942-87a7-4011-ade6-ada2cefc2397">Re: Bridal Shower guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridal Shower guests :  But really, if they aren't good enough to make it to your A list, they have no business on a shower list anyway.  Showers are only for your closest friends and family.
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
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    Sooooo you're going to see them at your bridal shower and when they say "see you at the wedding!" You'll say with a smile  "Only if there's enough room!" right? 
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    Wow!  I didn't know I posted on the Snarky bride board.

    For your information, everyone on my A and B list is good enough to come to my wedding and really should be on one A list.  We are on an extremely tight budget and can only invite about 50 guests due to money and the size of the venue.  That gives me and FI 25 each and with large extended families we put family first so that left some friends (that I'm closer to than some family) on a B list in hopes that Uncle Bob from 700 miles away rsvps no.  It would be more rude to invite only some aunts and uncles but not all since we all get together at holidays.  Therefore some friends that are local and I've only known for a few years many not get an invitation.  It has nothing to do with being "good enough" or "gift grabby."  It'd sure be nice to be able to invite everyone I want to, but some people just can't do that.

    Thanks for your responses, I will only invite A list guests to the shower.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-shower-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b50d007f-f135-4a69-a070-81539332d5aaPost:84a887d8-df17-4e0d-85d6-ce43e96a0c2d">Re: Bridal Shower guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow!  I didn't know I posted on the Snarky bride board. For your information, everyone on my A and B list is good enough to come to my wedding and really should be on one A list.  We are on an extremely tight budget and can only invite about 50 guests due to money and the size of the venue.  That gives me and FI 25 each and with large extended families we put family first so that left some friends (that I'm closer to than some family) on a B list in hopes that Uncle Bob from 700 miles away rsvps no.  It would be more rude to invite only some aunts and uncles but not all since we all get together at holidays.  Therefore some friends that are local and I've only known for a few years many not get an invitation.  It has nothing to do with being "good enough" or "gift grabby."  <strong>It'd sure be nice to be able to invite everyone I want to, but some people just can't do that. </strong>Thanks for your responses, I will only invite A list guests to the shower.
    Posted by Equine Osmosis[/QUOTE]

    Then I say don't invite the ones you can't afford. Period. It is a lot less rude to say, if someone asks, "We're sorry, but because of budget we just weren't able to invite everyone we wanted to" than "Well we're waiting to see if we can afford you." Although you may not like the advice you got, that's a lot better than offending your B-list guests, which you WILL do when they find out they are B-listed.


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    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
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    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-shower-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b50d007f-f135-4a69-a070-81539332d5aaPost:84a887d8-df17-4e0d-85d6-ce43e96a0c2d">Re: Bridal Shower guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]<span style="font-weight:bold;">Wow!  I didn't know I posted on the </span><strong>Snarky</strong><span style="font-weight:bold;"> bride board. For your information, everyone on my A and B list is good enough to come to my wedding and really should be on one A list.  We are on an extremely tight budget </span>and can only invite about 50 guests due to money and the size of the venue.  That gives me and FI 25 each and with large extended families we put family first so that left some friends (that I'm closer to than some family) on a B list in hopes that Uncle Bob from 700 miles away rsvps no.  It would be more rude to invite only some aunts and uncles but not all since we all get together at holidays.  Therefore some friends that are local and I've only known for a few years many not get an invitation.  It has nothing to do with being "good enough" or "gift grabby."  It'd sure be nice to be able to invite everyone I want to, but some people just can't do that. Thanks for your responses, I will only invite A list guests to the shower.
    Posted by Equine Osmosis[/QUOTE]

    We all have tight budgets. Really. I'm having a small DW, because we can't  afford to host people at a wedding. Guess what? I'm not having a shower or any other thing to get gifts, because it would be rude.

    As adults we have to live & deal with the decision we make. I don't care if you are on a tight budget, A/B lists are really rude. You have to deal with all the people you will be hurting. Good luck.

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    I say if B list offers to throw you a shower, take it. I am not inviting any co-workers, and they are throwing me a shower anyway. I didn't ask for it, they said they wanted to. I wouldn't invite B-list to a shower thrown by A-list, if they are at a shower it should be with other people not going, so they don't have their faces shoved in it.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-shower-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b50d007f-f135-4a69-a070-81539332d5aaPost:9cfe5a1c-cc54-4e5a-ab3b-77252664da82">Re: Bridal Shower guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]If they were all important enough that they SHOULD be invited, why didn't you plan a simpler wedding where they all COULD be invited?  <strong>Unless you're literally doing cake and punch in someone's backyard for these 50 people, there were other options.</strong>  Part of being grown up enough to get married is to make decisions and live with the consequences.  Have a cheaper wedding with more people, or a more expensive one with less people on the same budget.  I'm not saying one is better than the other, but there is really ZERO excuse for a B list other than wanting to eat your cake and have it too. So, yeah, sorry, but you can only invite A list guests to the pre-wedding parties. 
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>That's exactly what is.  Thanks again for all of your guys responses.  </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bridal-shower-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:b50d007f-f135-4a69-a070-81539332d5aaPost:84a887d8-df17-4e0d-85d6-ce43e96a0c2d">Re: Bridal Shower guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow!  I didn't know I posted on the Snarky bride board. For your information, everyone on my A and B list is good enough to come to my wedding and really should be on one A list.  We are on an extremely tight budget and can only invite about 50 guests due to money and the size of the venue. [/QUOTE]

    I learned very quickly that if you have an A/B list and post about it, there will be opinions. I am glad that some people offered you helpful advice instead of just criticized because that's not helpful and A and B lists are tough to reverse once you start them. I understand where you are coming from 100%. Sometimes it's gotta be about budget. A wedding is a very expensive thing. I was on a coworkers B list for her wedding and I understood completely. Now maybe not everyone is as understanding as I am, but still... I just wanted to be empathetic to your situation. This can be a tough crowd! I like the advice about the A list at the shower. That avoids toe stepping as best as possible. Best of luck to you. :)  
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