Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Ladies who walked down the aisle without dad

How did you raise the discussion with your dad that you wanted to walk down the aisle by yourself or that you wanted to walk with someone else?

Re: Ladies who walked down the aisle without dad

  • I'm walking myself, and it actually hasn't come up.  I've talked with my mom about it, so I assume my dad knows.  But if it is brought up, I'm walking alone because I don't feel the need to be "given away".  I'm in my mid-late twenties and am choosing to enter into this marriage of my own accord.  I'm fairly progressive and feel the tradition just sucks.  That, and my dad and I have had a really rough relationship over the years.

    My best suggestion is to really think about why you want to walk without your dad, and see if you can put it in a way that would be easily understood by a third party.  if you can do that, then hopefully you can explain it to your family.
  • OMG I could not imagine not having my dad there with me!! I'm planning to have both parents walk me down actually- they BOTH have done a phenomenal job as parents and since I'm not religious it doesn't really matter what I do b/c there's no tradition in my religion b/c I don't have a religion. I want tehm both there and I could not imagine not having them both walk me down. It's so sweet too cuz usually you get a sweet kiss on the cheek at the end. <3 my parents.
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  • jmp2004: Thanks for the personal account. I also have a sort of strained relationship with daddy dearest and I don't like the idea of being given away much. I will try to find some good way to phrase the latter.

    OwningAHome: It sounds like you have very supportive parents! It is nice that you will be walking with both your parents on your special day. 

    I would really love to hear more personal accounts from people who have chosen not to walk with their father, for whatever reason, and nice ways totalk about their thoughts in a father daughter discussion on the topic.

    Thanks! Hope you all are excited to get married!
  • I will be walking down by myself, I'm not big on the sexism that is involved with a lot of wedding tradition. I also think that I have a somewhat unique circumstance in that, my father doesn't want to walk me down the aisle. My father and I get along very well, I am a Daddy's little girl x 10 and he's one of my best friends. It just so happens my father is an even bigger feminist than I am! He would probably do it if that was what I really wanted, but I know he does not want to. He doesn't agree with a woman being given away like property by her father.

    Now, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous at the attention being all on me but I am coming together with my fiance on my own decision and it feels right to walk myself down the aisle towards him on our wedding day.
  • I actually won't have either of my parents (or step-parents, or his parents) present at the ceremony. It was something that we decided the first time we were engaged (six years ago, yikes!) and even now we both vehemently agree that that stands.

    I am very nervous on how to broach the topic with my father. "I'm getting married. No, you're not walking me down the aisle. No, um, actually, nobody will be at the wedding except for the people who legally have to be there, and our six-year-old." I feel as though this is going to cause some definite hurt feelings, no matter what way we do things.

    I hope that you are able to have a good talk with your father and that he will understand your decision. If you choose to have a reception and dancing, will you have a father-daughter dance? That may soften the blow.
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
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    There was no discussion with my dad about it.
  • Wow thanks for all the responses ladies!

    It is nice to see that there is such a diverse range of tactics and options for the aisle thing. Just seeing that I'm not the only one who has faced this has really helped me feel confident in my decision. :)
  • My dad asked me if he would be walking me down the aisle and I said no, I was going to walk alone.  It was my second wedding first of all, but secondly, he was against my marriage.  So when I said no, he got the message.

  • My FI and I decided to walk together. At the rehearsal we just said hey this is what we are doing, this is how it goes, here is where parents will be, easy peasy. I was nervous about how my dad would feel but I think since I didn't make a deal about it, it seemed just fine.
  • I was off the hook for having to tell my dad I didn't want him to walk me down the aisle (we have a good relationship, by the way) since my dad had once told me that he thought the idea of giving away the bride was sexist.  I wanted to walk down with my husband, but he felt strongly that we should walk down with our families, so that's what we did.  My mom is deceased, so I walked down with my dad and my brother.
  • because of my dad's very serious health issues, and his inability to travel, he won't be able to make it to my wedding, let alone walk me down the aisle.  we were both very sad about this, but i have done everything i can to make it easier... my FI and i have both been to visit dad in guangzhou several times, i've ordered extra photo albums just for him, and we are planning to have a pit stop in guangzhou before the honeymoon to see my dad.

    my younger brother will be walking me down the aisle instead.  he is my best friend and, besides my dad and my FI, is one of the men in my life that i have the most respect for.  my brother has stuck beside me, even while i dealt with anorexia and cervical cancer as a teen and was an absolute terror to be with, the fact that he can and is willing to walk me down the aisle... well, it's very touching to me Smile
  • I walked myself down the aisle.  My father and I have an almost non-existant relationship, so while he was invited to the wedding, we never brought up him giving me away and it was never an issue.  I would say it depends on your relationship with your father.  If you are still close, I'd say you need to at least give him some heads up.  If you aren't close, I don't even know if you need to say anything unless you feel it truly necessary/it gets brought up.  I'd be surprised to hear that a father who is estranged from his daughter would assume that he gets to walk her down the aisle.  I mean, I'm sure it happens, but it seems so presumptuous you'd imagine most of those dads would get it without having to be told.

    As for the actual walking down the aisle, I walked about 2/3rd of the way up by myself, and then my husband came down from the altar, I took his arm, and he walked me the rest of the way.  Everyone absolutely loved it and DH was especially excited about getting to walk me part of the way as he found it incredibly romantic (he's a big ol' softie).  It's one moment I'll never forget.  I got the best of both worlds.  I was able to see my DH standing at the altar waiting for me, and I got to walk alone and walk with him, too!
  • We haven't had the discussion, I think he assumes that since it's my second wedding that he won't be walking me this time. If it does come up, and he feels hurt about it, I'll let him walk me. We're very close, and I wouldn't want to make him feel bad, but I'm 38 with two teens and a 20 year old kid, and I would feel silly. I have debated a lot though. I'm not opposed to it (he absolutely walked me the first time.) I just don't really want to do it this time. 
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  • In Response to Re: Ladies who walked down the aisle without dad:

    I definitely do not plan to walk down with my dad or anyone else. I don't like the idea of being given away. I think my immediate family will be ok with it...they know I'm a feminist and very progressive and know that there's really no discussion when I'm confident in my decision. 

    I'm worried about what my extended family will say though. I know it's OUR day but it's a big day for them too. My sister got married a few weeks ago and it was very traditional and religious. Ours is going to be an outside ceremony in a gazebo/park and the reception inside on park grounds. 

    How can I avoid conflict and hurt feelings when we get married among my extended family? We have a lot of conflict/tension anyways so what I do shouldn't suprise them but I'm still worried about it. :/
  • I'm walking myself down the aisle and I was super concerned about hurting my dad's feelings when I told him because I wasn't sure if he was looking forward to it or not.

    We are very close, but he said that whatever I wanted to do on my wedding day was fine.  

    I also don't like the idea of being given away.

    Truthfully, I wanted to walk down the aisle with my fiance, but he said he's actually looking forward to being up there waiting for me.
  • I've decided to walk down the aisle with my FI - I simply asked my father if it would offend him, he said he didn't care. Problem solved.

    I'd like to enter my marriage on equal ground with my FI, not as property being given away by my father (but then, I'm just a crazy feminist).
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  • Ultimately it is your decision, but take this into consideration.

    I, too, once had a strained relationship with my dad.  I was married once before, and he walked me down the aisle - this was 13 years ago.

    My dad passed away 5 years ago, and I am getting remarried this October.  Nothing in the world will ever come close to making me not feel the loss of not having my father there to walk me down the aisle.  I will always cherish the fact that I at least got that experience with him, despite our trivial issues.  Truth be told, we became so much closer after I had gotten married, and perhaps that experience was a little part of that closeness.

    Just remember - your parents won't always be there.  If it means something to him, especially, you should at least consider it.

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  • I am going to ask my GBFF (pretty much brother) to walk me. My mom passed and my dad sucks and is not going to be invited to the wedding.

    Really enjoyed reading everyone else's thoughts on this. I am not super big on antiquated wedding traditions, but would feel weird walking by myself. I get SO emotional at weddings (yes even other people's so I can't imagine what mine will be like) and I need a sidekick.
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