Religion and Alcohol

DomoniqueABN

My fiance and I come from two majorly different backgrounds. His family is highly religious and my family is rooted in some Christian beleifs they are much more down to earth and understanding. The issue of alcohol at the reception has come about. My family members are drinkers. I drink occasionally and I have always planned on having a buzz at my wedding. However his family has a huge problem with us having an open bar at our wedding. Its already difficult enough that our families are so diffferent, but I don't want to have the angels on one side and the devils on the other because that would make his family despise me even more. Can someone please provide some insight?


***the costs are actually being split down the middle which would be even more reason for them to get over it.


Please don't think that I have something against extreme religion or Christianity. I'm not saying that religious people can't be down to earth, but his family is NOT. They are very much against alcohol, partying of any kind as well as things like tattoos, smoking, things of that nature. The look down on a lot of things and a lot of people. I'm not condoning some of these things, but his family has refused to help out with some of the costs if things aren't done their way and thats not fair. So we're forced to have to put the entire reception on my family, his fam doesn't like my dress so my dad is having to pay for that, they want us to get married in a church, and I want to be married outside...its just things like that which are causing so much friction already! So please, I did not mean to offend anyone.

DomoniqueABN

Wow Thanks for all the responses, the costs are actually being split down the middle which would be even more reason for them to get over it.

DomoniqueABN

No I never said that religious people can't be down to earth. What I'm saying is his family is not and mine is. The alcohol was the first thing that was brought when the immediate family gathered together to discuss who would pay for what. I am a very spiritual person, but I'm not so spiritual that i'm still not human. I want my reception to be a fun party; a celebration...that is what I meant.

psichick

crendendo vides - thanks for that explanation. it kind of makes sense, but it does seem kinda contradictory, at least in the catholic church. it's like "here, have some wine during mass, but don't you dare drink it at home!" huh??? and i also just find it ironic that beer and champagne were discovered by monks lol.i dunno, i guess i understand where they're coming from but i also don't see the problem with having a beer or two on a saturday afternoon. 

jlmarks83

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_religion-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:b8831359-0577-4b84-affc-8a95e2f1bc18Post:5798e807-4356-41f1-af6f-a231a3281324">Re: Religion and Alcohol</a>:
[QUOTE]It isn't a discussion I get into often, so I'll do my best :). Biblically I can find no injunction against all alcohol in all circumstances. Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine, so evidently alcohol was not subject to a blanket prohibition in New Testament times. There are, however, warnings against drunkenness and debauchery. Drinking to excess is evidence of a lack of self control, or at least contributes to it, and self control is an important part of living the Christian moral life. Where complete prohibition comes into play was probably around the middle ages (broadly speaking, I'm doing this from memory) when the Christian church entered a period of valuing asceticism* as equal to holiness. Why they did that is a whole other kettle of fish entirely; but people can be funny sometimes, and when groups get something in their heads it can catch on with alarming speed and tenacity (eg. the entirety of 90s fashion).  Christian theology is based primarily on the Bible, but it also relies on Christian tradition, and Christian tradition spent a long time telling people that the way to be the most righteous was to avoid all pleasure, including things like sex (it was considered to be only for procreation) and alcohol. It would follow that anything that may diminish self control (like alcohol) in any way would be especially vilified.  Thankfully, the theological trend surrounding sex has righted itself in most denominations, but alcohol hasn't seen quite the same comeback. I think that is because sex is something that is only good when used properly, and is an incredible gift from God that he meant for us to experience the kind of love and communion He originally desired for us; Whereas alcohol always carries the danger of overindulgence and could therefore always be considered dangerous. I just reread my post and would like to clarify that self control and self discipline are good things and still very important in the Christian life today. The problem with asceticism is the lack of balance between discipline and joy. God is a God of balance, He wants us to live rightly the best we can, but He also loves us and wants us to be happy. The God I know is one who wants what is best for those He loves. Like a parent, He expects character development, but he also wants us to enjoy everything He gives us. A work hard and play hard situation, if you will. :) I hope I covered that well enough, apologies for the length! *Asceticism: the belief that pleasure is wrong and avoiding it is the way to holiness
Posted by Credendo Vides[/QUOTE]

<strong>I loved this.</strong>  I've been a follower of Jesus for 14 years (I'm 27) - and we're definitely having an open bar at our wedding.  But that doesn't mean that I'll be drunk at my wedding...far from it...there will be so much going on, I'll probably only have a drink or two.  I'll most likely be chugging water to stay hydrated.

jenn.daniel

Thank you Credendo.  Very informative.

IMO, if Jesus turned water into wine, wine should be ok.  Just serve wine, as a compromise?  Yes, I'm aware that many people don't like wine - I'm one of them.  Honestly, I wouldn't cause problems with FILs over beverages.

If they're dead against wine as well, have a dry reception and plan an after-party where everyone can drink as much as they please.

kylieDL

I am roman catholic and we are having an open bar at our reception. As long as people arn't sloppy drunk it is fine to have a couple of drinks and let loose.

By the way, Jesus turned water into wine And in church you sip "the blood of christ"

kylieDL

Also, since you are splitting the cost, have your family pay for that part, and give them something else of equal value to pay for such as food or a combination of other things. Its your day and you should have whatever you want.

DomoniqueABN

Thanks all for the responses! Totally cool.

Its not just the wedding/reception that they don't like its a lot of other things and people on TK really can't have a true understanding of much foolishness there truly is. Its toooo much to type lol and I'm sure you all don't want to hear my life story. But basically they use their religion as an excuse to for things they don't want to do. They are all about appearances. They are by no means perfect people, nobody is!

After reading all these posts, i've come to a crossroads so to speak. My conclusions is there will be alcohol, my family will and I will pay for it, and if anyone who's coming doesn't like it, don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya! I truly mean that, after all this back and forth, I can't please everyone, it is OUR wedding and we will do it the way we want with or without them. I've learned through all of this that my fiance and I are the ones getting married, I understand they want to help, but if we have to foot the entire bill with just my family and I to reduce confusion, so be it. If they don't show up, its their loss because it will still be great. I dont want to lose sight of what its really about.

Thanks again

sjnsjnsjn

Hey, the people in Footloose didn't even want to let my man Bacon dance!  But seriously, there's nothing new about people trying to impose their beliefs on others.  Tell them to back off.  It's your wedding.  But be prepared to live with the consequences, which is possibly that they will be vengeful with their wallet strings.  Not exactly generous of heart or spirit, but they may go that route.

californiadreamin07

I've run into this issue a bit as well, but it's coming from both sides.  My mom's family belongs to a religion where drinking is not allowed, and my FI family doesn't drink.  However, my parents' friends who are coming drink, as do most of FI's friends.  We decided that we're going to do a wine bar (open), but people will only be able to get drinks at the bar, so that people won't be drinking too much (our location is up in the hills, and the road down is pretty dark and windy, so I don't want anyone drinking too much and getting into an accident).

Anyway, that was a really longwinded answer, but HTH!!!

erollis

 Psichick - I am Catholic and was also raised in The Lutheran church. We all drink and approve of alcohol. Catholicism does not equal no alcohol. What good Catholic would be without at least one bottle of wine at home? My experience with religion = no alcohol is with Baptists. A lot of the Baptists I know have never drank and do not find it moral.

DomoniqueABN - If it is being split 50-50 Your families need to come to a compromise. Not everyone is going to be thrilled since you can never please everyone. Maybe have only wine and/or champagne. Another option is not having the bar open for the entire reception. That would give people time to sober up if they did indulge a bit to much. Everyone needs to talk it out like mature adults. it would be a shame for them not to be there because you(not just you personally) were unable to take there feelings/ beliefs into consideration. It would be equally awful if they missed the wedding because they cannot get over themselves for one night.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_religion-alcohol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b8831359-0577-4b84-affc-8a95e2f1bc18Post:05080bd7-6d06-4067-bbd1-ccc29a784303">Re: Religion and Alcohol</a>:
[QUOTE] Psichick - I am Catholic and was also raised in The Lutheran church. We all drink and approve of alcohol. Catholicism does not equal no alcohol. What good Catholic would be without at least one bottle of wine at home? My experience with religion = no alcohol is with Baptists. A lot of the Baptists I know have never drank and do not find it moral. 
Posted by erollis[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  Growing up in the Catholic church, church events always included alcohol.  Our church hall has a bar with hook ups to have beer on tap.  I've never heard of catholics with moral opposition to booze.</div><div>
</div><div>In my area, it's Southern Baptists and Pentacostals that beat the no booze drum.</div>

tommyandy

OMG you should totally tie them to a chair & pour booze down their throats!  Champagne toast at gun point! Just kidding.  Ask them what they would like to have to drink at the wedding & then serve it to them.  Don't ask for their permission to serve anything else.  In reference to the restaurant question earlier, do they also avoid grocery stores & gas stations?  

Ask them to pray for you instead of yelling at you over the booze.  They will still get to feel holier than you & you won't have to listen to it.  

littlemisssara

Another thing you might want to take into consideration is the exact reasoning behind why they're are against it and the possibility of reasons they may not feel comfortable expressing. My fiance and I are Christianand are having a no alcohol reception. This is not because we personally don't like alcohol, but out of respect for our guests.
We have guests coming to our wedding that we know have had an issue with alcohol in the past and it would be very difficult for them to be around it. So instead of having it there to tempt and possibly cause someone we care about to stumble and get into trouble, we are not having it.
I personally have only been 2 weddings with alcohol, and the ones without have been the most fun because we haven't had to worry about anyone gettting drunk.

Another reason why we have chosen not to have alcohol is that we don't want to start our marriage off with the possibility of an issue. I'm a slight woman, so not a lot goes a long way - I personally would never want to start my married life off with my best friend and  I under the influence. Why have fuzzy memories of the second best day of our lives when we can have crystal clear ones because we have sober minds?

But, in the end, realize that this wedding is the first day of the rest of your lives together. You are right in saying that you can't please everyone. If you try, you'll end up displeasing yourself. Do what you want to do, but not before taking into consideration the spoken and possible unspoken concerns of those who are helping you foot the bill and be prepared for the consequences. Ask yourself this - is having alcohol at your wedding really worth the lifetime of strife it may cause with your in-laws?