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Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
Involving Child in Wedding Ceremony
Hello! I have not posted on this board, but I am very active on the June 2012 board.
I have a 4 year old son, who will be a ring bearer at my June wedding. I was wondering if anyone has any ideas for incorporating him into the ceremony somehow. We are doing unity sand, but we dont want him involved in that. Any other ideas would be great appreciated.
TIA ladies!
I have a 4 year old son, who will be a ring bearer at my June wedding. I was wondering if anyone has any ideas for incorporating him into the ceremony somehow. We are doing unity sand, but we dont want him involved in that. Any other ideas would be great appreciated.
TIA ladies!
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Re: Involving Child in Wedding Ceremony
[QUOTE]Since the two consenting adults getting married and entering into a legal, binding contract are you and your fiance, there is no need to incorporate your son in the ceremony. Ring bearer is the perfect role for him.
Posted by Peavy[/QUOTE]
I was asking for ideas.... not your opinion on if he should be involved or not. The three of us will be becoming a family that day so this effects him and I would like to figure out a way of acknowledging that.
May 2012 July Siggy: Favorite Vacation Spot Kaleden, BC
My Blog:Through My Eyes
I think Gabrielle has a good idea as well.
I married a widower with two young girls (ages 5 & 3) last June. They were our flower girls and then, after Hubby and I exchanged our vows and rings they joined us and I made some promises to them (to read to them,, play with them, give them lots of snuggles when they're sad, to love them and treat them as if they were my very own). We gave them lockets with the date of the wedding inscribed on the back. Many here on the knot do knot approve of including children into the ceremony however, like you, I believe I did not just marry my hubby, instead I chose and married that little family and felt it important to acknowledge that. Many of our guests commented about how that part of the ceremony was so sweet and the most touching of the day (we even made our photographer cry!)
We also had the girls join us for the last minute or so of our first dance together. I loved that part
edited to add: we inteded to have them join us as we recessed out of the venue, but sadly forgot until we were outside.
[QUOTE]<strong>I married a widower</strong>with two young girls (ages 5 & 3) last June. They were our flower girls and then, after Hubby and I exchanged our vows and rings they joined us and I made some promises to them (to read to them,, play with them, give them lots of snuggles when they're sad, to love them and treat them as if they were my very own). We gave them lockets with the date of the wedding inscribed on the back. Many here on the knot do knot approve of including children into the ceremony however, like you, I believe I did not just marry my hubby, instead I chose and married that little family and felt it important to acknowledge that. Many of our guests commented about how that part of the ceremony was so sweet and the most touching of the day (we even made our photographer cry!) We also had the girls join us for the last minute or so of our first dance together. I loved that part :) edited to add: we inteded to have them join us as we recessed out of the venue, but sadly forgot until we were outside.
Posted by vexie[/QUOTE]
This actually makes a difference for me. My problem with most of the couples who want to include children from previous relationships, is that for the step parent to "make vows" to a child is a real slap in the face to the biological parent who is not marrying. Intended or not, this new person is infringing on that parent's place by doing this and it doesn't matter what the adults think of him or her. That person is that child's parent and always will be. Even if they are absent in the child's life, there is always the chance that they will re-enter it at some point. In your case, you are filling a void that was left by a death.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]Since the two consenting adults getting married and entering into a legal, binding contract are you and your fiance, there is no need to incorporate your son in the ceremony. Ring bearer is the perfect role for him.
Posted by Peavy[/QUOTE]
I've never understood these responses! Yes, it's a public forum and people can respond however they want, but the question was not about whether or not including the son was required. Why waste the time and effort to post?
That being said, I have two kids, and they will be walking me down the aisle, and all four of us will be participating in the ceremony. We're not including special vows for them, they don't want it and I don't see the point. Good luck!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Involving Child in Wedding Ceremony : <strong>I've never understood these responses! Yes, it's a public forum and people can respond however they want, but the question was not about whether or not including the son was required. Why waste the time and effort to post?</strong> That being said, I have two kids, and they will be walking me down the aisle, and all four of us will be participating in the ceremony. We're not including special vows for them, they don't want it and I don't see the point. Good luck!
Posted by Meghannsix[/QUOTE]
I agree- I dont really see the point of posting a response like that when that is not what I was asking. I felt it was really snarky and uncalled for.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Involving Child in Wedding Ceremony : I've never understood these responses! Yes, it's a public forum and people can respond however they want, but the question was not about whether or not including the son was required. Why waste the time and effort to post? That being said, I have two kids, and they will be walking me down the aisle, and all four of us will be participating in the ceremony. <strong>We're not including special vows for them, they don't want it and I don't see the point. </strong> Good luck!
Posted by Meghannsix[/QUOTE]
<div>This is exactly why we posted what we did regarding that. Kids are too young for vows and it's not appropriate.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Involving Child in Wedding Ceremony : I agree- I dont really see the point of posting a response like that when that is not what I was asking. I felt it was really snarky and uncalled for.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]
These are the national boards - ignore the posts you don't like.
I get why parents want their kid in the ceremony, but I also understand the idea that marriage is between two consenting adults and not children. Whatever works for you.
[QUOTE]Wow, who would have thought you would get such nasty responses when you are trying to include your son in a special day. I'm getting married and my daughter will be three. After we exchange rings and make our vows to each other, we are going to make family vows and give her a bracelet that is engraved, I'm thinking family and the wedding date. Now I'm marrying my daughter's father, so it might be a little different. I think it's wonderful that you want to include your son. <strong>Some people don't understand that once you have a child it is no longer just about you.</strong> Maybe that's why they had such unkind responses.
Posted by Heat22[/QUOTE]
No not all of us have children. Some of us, however, do have friends who have been in this situation on the side that people tend to disregard. I have two.
The one (a guy) found out that his daughter's new stepfather had made promises to her as part of family vows and he was unbelievably hurt by this. He felt like the fact that she already had a father was being completely disregarded and the new guy was insinuating that he would be a better father than he was (even though he had no reason to worry about this).
The other friend is a woman who found out that her daughter's step mother to be was planning the same thing and she flat out told her ex-husband that this woman was going to be his wife and their daughter's step mother but she would not be her mother and had no right to do anything that intruded on that role in her daughter's life.
So yeah, it's not just about you once you have a kid. Most people know this. Want to know what else isn't just about you? Your wedding when it causes real hurt to other people.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
I also think the marriage ceremony is between two adults who are making vows and promises to each other. Yes, your son is part of your family too, but he is not marrying anyone! I would keep the ceremony something for you and your FI. Have tons of pics with your son, dance with him at the reception, say something about him in a toast at the reception, etc. But besides once seeing someone have their teenage daughter involved in the sand ceremony, I have never seen a young child involved in a marriage ceremony between two adults.
[QUOTE]Wow, who would have thought you would get such nasty responses when you are trying to include your son in a special day. I'm getting married and my daughter will be three. After we exchange rings and make our vows to each other, we are going to make family vows and give her a bracelet that is engraved, I'm thinking family and the wedding date. Now I'm marrying my daughter's father, so it might be a little different. I think it's wonderful that you want to include your son. Some people don't understand that once you have a child it is no longer just about you. Maybe that's why they had such unkind responses.
Posted by Heat22[/QUOTE]
Really? Marriage is first and only a CONTRACT. Minors cannot enter into contracts - I'm sure we can all agree on that. Therefore, including them with vows and whatnot does not exactly make sense.
We were not nasty, we were constructive. It's useful to remember that a marriage is between two consenting adults. I understand wanting to include your child, perhaps give them something, but some people cringe at the idea of vows for a multitude of reasons.
Don't take the posts so personally and instead use them as a way to see things in a different light. No, I don't always agree with other opinions, but I do respect and appreciate that people made me think about things in a different way.
As for the snarky comments that anyone can come on here and bash me for wanting to involve my son.... your right they can, but constructive conversation is what I am looking for, but snarky comments. I expect that all adults on this site would understand that, but apparently not.
[QUOTE] I am trying to find a way to involve my son since he is also part of this family. If you think being a ring bearer is enough, then that is fine, but saying it in a mature, adult way would be much appreciated. As for the snarky comments that anyone can come on here and bash me for wanting to involve my son.... your right they can, but constructive conversation is what I am looking for, but snarky comments. I expect that all adults on this site would understand that, but apparently not.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]
Again - you can think this topic isn't controversial, but it is. Now you know.
And you can't tell others how to post. It's futile. Take the words you like and ignore what you don't. This advice will help you TREMENDOUSLY on the national boards. Telling others how to behave, how to post, and how not to be snarky is just as bad as the snarky responses. They exist - just like arsehole people - and you can't do a think about it.
I wish you the best of luck with your wedding!
For the bride that asked the orginal question...I have a 4 year old son as well and we are including him in our ceremony. We are doing a family sand ceremony with an hourglass, I know you have decided not to include your son in the sand ceremony. My FI is writing vows to him and asking him if its okay for him to be his Daddy (FI is adopting him after we marry) its fitting for us but not for everyone. We are also going to give him a piece of jewlery to symbolize our joining together as a family.
To everyone else on this board who doesn't believe children should be involved in someones wedding, its not really up to you. A wedding is to show love between two people, if they want to share that love with the children in their life then thats their choice to do as they please. There are no rules when it comes to someones wedding. Its a reflection of who they are as a couple or family.
May 2012 July Siggy: Favorite Vacation Spot Kaleden, BC
My Blog:Through My Eyes
I guess I also just don't understand the opposing viewpoint.
Marriage vows are about unity, love, and to me, thats what a family is.
If my son was old enough to walk (He's only going to be 8 months at the time. So maybe!) I would be honored to have that little boy, along with my father escort me to my beloved, and give me away.
I'm also marrying into a family. My fiance has two other children, and we decided to incorporate them into the blending of the sands.
We also will be doing a ceremony for honoring our family. Just a sneaky way, I guess, of wanting them included. Also, my future step-daughter is a jr. bridesmaid, and my future step-son is a groomsmen.
I honestly couldn't think of any other way to incorporate them. I wish i had before I printed the programs. =/
To me, my son is absolutely the most important part of my life. And I think that should be celebrated. Why not have him in the ceremony ?
I say, you take it, and run. Do something special for your baby!
Hope this helps!