Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Parents that are divorced and really want to be involved.

My parents have been divorced since I was 2, my Mom and I are super close and as for my Dad it hasn't always been easier due to distance but we get along better the older I get.
So here is the dilemma I love the tradition of my father walking me down the aisle but my Mom also wants to walk me down. So they both  want to walk me down. She definitely was the fill in "father role" for my Dad when I was younger and I almost feel like she is/feels entitled to it. It honestly doesn't bother me except for the fact that I think it would just be uncomfortable for them. They don't really keep in contact unless something is going on with my siblings or I. When I mentioned it to my Dad he was really uncomfortable but I just kind of laughed it off.
My brothers mentioned maybe she could do something else to contribute to the wedding but I can't think of anything. (We don't want any readings during the ceremony)
What do you guys think? Anybody else in a similar situation?
Thanks ahead of time for the feedback:)

Re: Parents that are divorced and really want to be involved.

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    You could have one parent walk you partway down the aisle and then walk the remainder of the way with the other parent. 

    Was it a really bitter divorce?  It seems like they split up so long ago, that walking on either side of you for less than a minute shouldn't be an issue.  If they can be civil towards each other, they should be able to handle that.
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    Can both of them walk you down the aisle so that way it won't cause any more issues. That way both of them are participating.

    This is not an easy decision, but your Mom also needs to act like an adult. If you really want your Dad and him only, then she needs to get over it. Being the Mother of the bride is a big deal, too.

    Or you could always tell them you are walking down the aisle yourself or with your husband to be so that way you don't have to be faced with deciding between the two or telling you only want one over the other.
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    This is an issue that I considered myself. My parents only recently got divorced, but growing up I did not get along with my father at all, and always thought someday I would be faced with this decision. Luckily in my case, divorce led to my parents getting along better than ever, and actually led to my father and I becoming close. But if I were you, I would explain to them that you love them both and want them both with you in that special moment. It is your day after all, and they can each be mature enough to walk you down the aisle jointly if that is what you wish.
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    In Jewish ceremonies, both of the groom's parents escort him, and both of the bride's parents escort her.  This makes the whole thing less "giving away" the bride, and more acknowledging the roots of both members of the couple.  Might this be an option for you?  Unless they are really bitter, I wouldn't think that having one on one side of you and one on the other for 30 seconds would be a big strain on them.
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    Thanks for the input, I think you guys are all right. I just needed to be validated I guess. I will try to talk with them more about it and see what we can come up with, I think that I would like for them both to do it.
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    My parents divorced when i was  4 and did not get along at all while i was growing up.  Now as an adult I tell them both under no circumstances will I put up with the things I did as a child. They behave a million times better now that my sister and I put our foot down. It sounds much harsher when I put it in a was done with  love,

     If your parents have been divorced since you were 2 they should be able to handle 2-3 minutes together walking you down the aisle. It may seem like it will be awkward now, but i am sure when you are in your dress and getting ready to walk, they wont even notice the awkwardness. Because there has been so many years for them to heal, you should go with what you want....both of them walking  you down the aisle.
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    I am in the same dilema as well. I get along really well with my mother. As for my father I love him very much but he did things that lost my respect for him. My parents dont get along at all unless it has to do with my sister or I. But its my wedding and they but the there differences aside for me. They are both walking me down the isle. So you can always just explain that its your day and thats what you want. Its not like they have to talk while they walk you down.
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    If you want both of them to walk you down the aisle, then you should go with that.  A wedding is a very special time and, even if they don't get along in a normal situation, if they love you and want your day to be special, they will be happy for you and will be civil.

    Other suggestions if you want  to split things up for both of them, is have one walk you down and one take part in the ceremony, such as lighting the candle you and your FI will use to light the unity candle.

    Good luck :-)

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