Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?

wlwilson87

Has anyone gotten married by a justice of the peace and had a more traditional wedding later ?

I've always dreamed of my wedding and have been planning it for months now. My fiance, this past weekend, mentioned getting married by a justice of the peace now. He knows that I want a traditional wedding but the distance between us is getting hard. We live several states apart and if lucky only see each other on the weekends. He through out the idea of getting married now by a justice of the peace and having a traditional wedding August of 2011 like we had planned. This way I could move up there with him now. Is this unusual?

Thanks for any advice!

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:b3092ba8-433b-4347-bece-fc0329601827">Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]Has anyone gotten married by a justice of the peace and had a more traditional wedding later ? I've always dreamed of my wedding and have been planning it for months now. My fiance, this past weekend, mentioned getting married by a justice of the peace now. <strong>He knows that I want a traditional wedding but the distance between us is getting hard. We live several states apart and if lucky only see each other on the weekends.</strong> He through out the idea of getting married now by a justice of the peace and having a traditional wedding August of 2011 like we had planned. This way I could move up there with him now. Is this unusual? Thanks for any advice!
Posted by wlwilson87[/QUOTE]

How in the world would a marriage make this easier????  Just move to where he is living if you can't take it.  Get a job and get your own place if you don't want to live together before you are married.  You get one wedding.  One.  It's your choice as to whether it will be a JOP or a traditional wedding but you don't get both.

As someone who is married to a consultant though, I really do have a lot of sympathy for your situation.  At one point, DH was on site for a year.  I only saw him on weekends when he flew home and still counted myself lucky.  Military wives have it worse.

vlevitt

there are some people, who for various reasons seperate their religious and secular wedding dates. however, i've never heard of anyone waiting so long between them.   do you two live in different countries or have ideological reasons for wanting to seperate the two?  i know of people who have done this for (very legitimate) immigration reasons, or because they did not want to be legally married in a country or state that did not recognize marriage equality.  however, i don't think you or your FH's impatience is a good reason to do this.  if you can't live together before marriage for religious reasons, i don't imagine a secular wedding will "do the trick," religiously either.

in other words, either move up your "official" wedding date, or move in together before being married and wait until aug 2011 to make it official.

v

tldh

ALSO OP - TAKE YOUR FI'S NAME OUT OF YOUR SIGGY AND IF WILSON IS YOUR LASTS NAME, START A  NEW ACCOUNT AND DO NOT USE THIS ONE AGAIN
Internet safety 101 - never ever give out personal information about yourself.

aerinpegadrak

I think you need to decide whether it's more important to have the big wedding or to be married right away, because really, it's one or the other.  You can JOP now and throw a party later, but that party will not be your wedding.

Though I think Tricia's right, and if you're so desperate to be closer, just move.  DH and I did the long distance thing for a while, and yeah it kind of sucked, but we dealt with it, and it made us much stronger as a couple.

MyNameIsNot

It's actually impossible to JOP now and have a traditional wedding later.  Well, it is unless you get divorced in the interim.  

If you JOP now, that is your wedding.  You can always have a party or vow renewal later, but it won't be a wedding.  A wedding is, by definition, when you get married.  If you JOP now, that's your wedding.  

Beachy730

DItto all the others.  Just move to him now and get married later if you want the big wedding.  I get that long distance sucks.  H and I did it the whole almost 2 years we dated.  We lived together for a total of 4 months before he was deployed, and I won't see him until the spring, where it will only be a few months until he is deplyed again.  So trust me, I get the distance thing.  But that is a BS reason to get married and then having a fake wedding later. 

You get one wedding day.  If you choose to make that a JOP wedding, then that is your wedding day.  If you choose to do a vow renewal or just a party down the road fine, but that is not your "traditional wedding day" unless you get divorced in between the two ceremonies. 

ivyrose13

Didn't you post on another board that you are having a small wedding as is with only 40 or so close friends and family? If that is the case, and you want to be married, just move the wedding up. I'm sure there are plenty of restaurants and other venues that can easily accommodate your guest list, you are married, and you get your traditional wedding. Win/win. 

If you want to have a JOP now and a "traditional event" later, at best it would be a vow renewal, in which case no white dress, no wedding party, and a more subdued reception. Also, don't expect guests to make it a priority to come, because vow renewals are not considered "once in a lifetime life changing events" like weddings.

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:35b681d7-ff02-4fd8-8be3-bceea1ced1f4">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I got married by a civil ceremony so that I could be put on his health insurance as his "wife". I needed the insurance and there was no other way to afford it. We decided to do it since we knew that we were going to get married anyway, and we would've been married in the church by that time if we could have. Our church wedding is going to be next may--and though we sometimes refer to us as married, we still try to consider each other as engaged so that the church wedding can be all the more special. We've never really considered our marriage to be "real" unless it's with our church.
Posted by AprilDBradshaw[/QUOTE]

<div>But you are married. Legally. You've already had your wedding. Wedding = marriage. Your church "wedding" will not be a real wedding unless you divorce between now and then. Why is this so difficult to comprehend? You get exactly one wedding per groom and no more. And you're insulting every couple who got married without a church ceremony by suggesting it's not every bit as real.</div>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:35b681d7-ff02-4fd8-8be3-bceea1ced1f4">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I got married by a civil ceremony so that I could be put on his health insurance as his "wife". I needed the insurance and there was no other way to afford it. We decided to do it since we knew that we were going to get married anyway, and we would've been married in the church by that time if we could have. Our church wedding is going to be next may--and though we sometimes refer to us as married, we still try to consider each other as engaged so that the church wedding can be all the more special. We've never really considered our marriage to be "real" unless it's with our church.
Posted by AprilDBradshaw[/QUOTE]

<div>You are not his "wife", you are his actual wife.  You are actually married, and your wedding already happened.</div><div>
</div><div>Your upcoming ceremony will be a vow renewal, or a blessing of your previous marriage.  Trying to pretend it is a wedding or a "wedding" is nothing short of delusional.  Your present marriage is as real as real can be.  You aren't engaged, you are marred.  There are no degrees of marriage.  </div><div>
</div><div>Congratulations on your recent wedding and upcoming blessing!</div>

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:35b681d7-ff02-4fd8-8be3-bceea1ced1f4">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I got married by a civil ceremony so that I could be put on his health insurance as his "wife". I needed the insurance and there was no other way to afford it. We decided to do it since we knew that we were going to get married anyway, and we would've been married in the church by that time if we could have. Our church wedding is going to be next may--and though we sometimes refer to us as married, we still try to consider each other as engaged so that the church wedding can be all the more special. We've never really considered our marriage to be "real" unless it's with our church.
Posted by AprilDBradshaw[/QUOTE]

That is the worst reason for getting married, EVER.

You ARE married. You don't think it's disrespectful at all that you both are like "You're sort of my spouse, but not really?"

If you want to have a church blessing of your marriage later, that's FINE. But call a spade a spade. FI and I are doing the same thing. We're getting married next Monday (notice how I said 'married' cause that's exactly what we're doing) with our immediate families in attendance. We're having a blessing in May with a reception afterwards, because that's when we can afford the big party.

But it's not a wedding. I called it a wedding before we decided to do this. Once we did, it wasn't a wedding anymore and I have stopped referring to it as such.

Have you told your friends and family that you're married?

lisalou402

Hmmm.  I'm not sure that getting married sooner for health insurance is a bad reason if the company he works for doesn't allow for domestic partnership, etc.  I was lucky and able to put my H on my insurance before we were married at the same cost just by proving domestic partnership.   But I know I was lucky.  Not every company allows it, and in some companies, they jack up the rates as discrimination.

Now, the Knot is very against calling a reception at a later date a wedding.  Have your ceremony, move if you have to, and have a reception a few months later. Make sure everyone knows you are already married too.


 

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:03c7c7c2-8db6-41b0-8a33-560f437448e0">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm.  I'm not sure that getting married sooner for health insurance is a bad reason if the company he works for doesn't allow for domestic partnership, etc.  I was lucky and able to put my H on my insurance before we were married at the same cost just by proving domestic partnership.   But I know I was lucky.  Not every company allows it, and in some companies, they jack up the rates as discrimination. Now, the Knot is very against calling a reception at a later date a wedding.  Have your ceremony, move if you have to, and have a reception a few months later. Make sure everyone knows you are already married too.  
Posted by lisalou402[/QUOTE]

It wouldn't be such a "bad" reason, I don't think, if they weren't like "we're not reeeeaallly married". The first and foremost reason you should get married is because you WANT to be married. There are plenty of benefits to marriage and it's fine to participate in them, but don't be like "this isn't the real thing, we're just doing this for insurance".

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:35b681d7-ff02-4fd8-8be3-bceea1ced1f4">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I got married by a civil ceremony so that I could be put on his health insurance as his "wife". I needed the insurance and there was no other way to afford it. We decided to do it since we knew that we were going to get married anyway, and we would've been married in the church by that time if we could have. Our church wedding is going to be next may--and though we sometimes refer to us as married, we still try to consider each other as engaged so that the church wedding can be all the more special. We've never really considered our marriage to be "real" unless it's with our church.
Posted by AprilDBradshaw[/QUOTE]
This certainly explains the sheer volume of self-centeredly bad advice you give.

Pirata13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:b53bbe91-7068-4ed4-98e0-7f9e15f67d77">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later? : That is the worst reason for getting married, EVER. You ARE married. You don't think it's disrespectful at all that you both are like "You're sort of my spouse, but not really?" If you want to have a church blessing of your marriage later, that's FINE. But call a spade a spade. FI and I are doing the same thing. We're getting married next Monday (notice how I said 'married' cause that's exactly what we're doing) with our immediate families in attendance. We're having a blessing in May with a reception afterwards, because that's when we can afford the big party. But it's not a wedding. I called it a wedding before we decided to do this. Once we did, it wasn't a wedding anymore and I have stopped referring to it as such. Have you told your friends and family that you're married?
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]


Ok, hate to say it, but this is kind of like the pot calling the kettle black. You're chiding her for getting married now for helath insurance and having something later, yet you're getting married on Monday with those important to you then having a "blessing" with a bunch of other people in 5 months because that's when you "can afford the big party"?!?!?!?!?!?!  OMG, really? So invite a handful of people now then in 5 months invite them again with a bunch of other people so you can have a reception and get more gifts? Why not just wait and have it all in May when everyone can see your vows and the whole ceremony? Really though, why not wait til May? It's only 5 months.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:80e05a5a-27bd-4884-bd78-c0c968e0023e">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later? : Ok, hate to say it, but this is kind of like the pot calling the kettle black. You're chiding her for getting married now for helath insurance and having something later, yet you're getting married on Monday with those important to you then having a "blessing" with a bunch of other people in 5 months because that's when you "can afford the big party"?!?!?!?!?!?!  OMG, really? So invite a handful of people now then in 5 months invite them again with a bunch of other people so you can have a reception and get more gifts? Why not just wait and have it all in May when everyone can see your vows and the whole ceremony? Really though, why not wait til May? It's only 5 months.
Posted by Pirata13[/QUOTE]
But Manwa's being entirely honest with her guests (she's even posted about wording her invitations to make it completely clear that the wedding has already happened), she's not trying to pretend that it's a wedding, and the big party is really mainly for her family's benefit and at their insistence.  Not that she needs my help or anything, but seriously, it's a different situation.  And I don't think anyone has ever said that JOPing and then throwing any sort of party later is wrong.  It's the LYING and trying to pretend it's something that it isn't that's the problem.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:35b681d7-ff02-4fd8-8be3-bceea1ced1f4">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I got married by a civil ceremony so that I could be put on his health insurance as his "wife". I needed the insurance and there was no other way to afford it. We decided to do it since we knew that we were going to get married anyway, and we would've been married in the church by that time if we could have. Our church wedding is going to be next may--and though we sometimes refer to us as married, we still try to consider each other as engaged so that the church wedding can be all the more special. We've never really considered our marriage to be "real" unless it's with our church.
Posted by AprilDBradshaw[/QUOTE]

But let me guess:  if something, heaven forbid, was to happen to one of you, the other would be making the legal decisions for care, treatment, or if necessary funeral, insurance, burial and survivor benefits.  That's because you ARE each other's spouses, whether you play-act to pretend you're not.

You see, you just can't have it both ways:  you can't be married for the parts you want, but not married for the parts you don't want.  As for your marriage not being "real" unless it's with your church:  I work in a church as an organist.  A wedding in our church can be arranged quite quickly.  So stop using that silliness to justify the fact that you got married for benefits.  And stop putting quotes around the words husband and wife.  Because you ARE husband and wife.  Legally, morally, and ethically.

bookworm07

Wow everyone way to get off the original topic!!! I dont understand why you all cant just give your advice in a nice way and be done with it. The one about health insurance reasons-->that is her experience. Yes a little crazy but I have seen worse. I remember a long time ago a woman asked a paperwork question. But her situation was that she was marrying her baby's daddy because he cant afford child support that she didnt want and the court is forcing him to pay unless they are married. The only way to get the court off his back is for the official marriage certificate. Wow!!! And each of them was seeing someone else full time who were ok with this! That is delusional!!! Not doing it earlier than it would have been for health insurance. Thats not that insane. Marriage is not just a piece of paper saying you are legally bound to one another. It is a mental state of mind that the person lying next to you at night is your husband/wife. If she doesn't want to waste those words when in their mind the union isn't blessed because it wasnt in a church, let her do it!!! It doesnt affect you so why do you care? Just answer the original, let others do the same, and move on with your life.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:793cd6b2-5a26-44d7-8360-979ca62aa9e7">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow everyone way to get off the original topic!!! I dont understand why you all cant just give your advice in a nice way and be done with it. The one about health insurance reasons-- />that is her experience. Yes a little crazy but I have seen worse. I remember a long time ago a woman asked a paperwork question. But her situation was that she was marrying her baby's daddy because he cant afford child support that she didnt want and the court is forcing him to pay unless they are married. The only way to get the court off his back is for the official marriage certificate. Wow!!! And each of them was seeing someone else full time who were ok with this! That is delusional!!! Not doing it earlier than it would have been for health insurance. Thats not that insane. Marriage is not just a piece of paper saying you are legally bound to one another. It is a mental state of mind that the person lying next to you at night is your husband/wife. If she doesn't want to waste those words when in their mind the union isn't blessed because it wasnt in a church, let her do it!!!<strong> It doesnt affect you so why do you care? Just answer the original, let others do the same, and move on with your life.</strong>
Posted by bookworm07[/QUOTE]

People post here for advice. Calm down. You are the one with your panties in a bunch. Just because there are crazier people out there, doesn't make the less crazy people right. Of course there are crazier people out there, but two "weddings" are not necessary in 99.99% of situations. Marriage is a legal union, so the legal part is pretty damn important. Plus you are new (not many posts). Get a feel for the boards before you start telling us how to post. Threads usually go on tangents. Calm down, have you posted a lot on other internet message boards? I highly doubt it. Lurk some more before you lecture. 

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:793cd6b2-5a26-44d7-8360-979ca62aa9e7">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow everyone way to get off the original topic!!! I dont understand why you all cant just give your advice in a nice way and be done with it. The one about health insurance reasons-- />that is her experience. Yes a little crazy but I have seen worse. I remember a long time ago a woman asked a paperwork question. But her situation was that she was marrying her baby's daddy because he cant afford child <strong>support that she didnt want and the court is forcing him to pay unless they are married</strong>. The only way to get the court off his back is for the official marriage certificate. Wow!!! And each of them was seeing someone else full time who were ok with this! That is delusional!!! Not doing it earlier than it would have been for health insurance. Thats not that insane. Marriage is not just a piece of paper saying you are legally bound to one another. It is a mental state of mind that the person lying next to you at night is your husband/wife. If she doesn't want to waste those words when in their mind the union isn't blessed because it wasnt in a church, let her do it!!! It doesnt affect you so why do you care? Just answer the original, let others do the same, and move on with your life.
Posted by bookworm07[/QUOTE]

Um..unless her state has some law mandating child support from anyone named on a birth certificate, the woman had to petition the court to get it from him in the first place.

Don't lecture people who have been here about how to respond to threads.  They go off on tangents all the time and will occasionally reference past threads (much like what you did and to which I just responded).

Also, seeing how a lot of us are married, it's a pretty damn condescending to hear you lecture us about what marriage is.  You won't be there until next year but let me tell you that the ceremony that matters in ever single way is the legal one.  Anything after that is just a blessing, not a second "real" wedding.

Summer2011Bride

I agree with PP's that really you only get one wedding and you should choose which one you want.
I will say I have seen this done though. A friend's FI was getting deployed and they wanted to get married beforehand, so without anyone even knowing, they had  JOP ceremony.
Two years later, he comes back and they have a traditional wedding. No one who was invited minded, but I can see this being poor etiquette. I'd err on the side of caution. Choose one or the other.

miggetymary

I'm not going to question your reasons for wanting to be married before you move in as I'm sure they're very personal and important to you! I am having my "real wedding" in April, but we went to a Justice of the Peace in October! (It was a legal issue, won't bore you with details)
I was surprised how emotional the JOP scenario was, I suggest you both wear an item or a token in your pocket that means something special to you on that day, then wear it again at your "do-over" wedding. When I was researching officiants for my "do-over" wedding, the ministers I spoke to were all very understanding and had no problem conducting the ceremony as if we weren't married already. THE BONUS IS that you won't have to worry about all the paperwork on your big day! It will already be done! And you don't have to worry about your groom getting cold feet We only told out immediate family that we were already married, so most of our guests will still be excited for the ceremony. But do it any way you like! And congratulations

NikiP81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:2d97ab19-b796-468c-bdbf-e6c48e5750da">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not going to question your reasons for wanting to be married before you move in as I'm sure they're very personal and important to you! I am having my "real wedding" in April, but we went to a Justice of the Peace in October! (It was a legal issue, won't bore you with details) I was surprised how emotional the JOP scenario was, I suggest you both wear an item or a token in your pocket that means something special to you on that day, then wear it again at your "do-over" wedding. When I was researching officiants for my "do-over" wedding, the ministers I spoke to were all very understanding and had no problem conducting the ceremony as if we weren't married already. THE BONUS IS that you won't have to worry about all the paperwork on your big day! It will already be done! And you don't have to worry about your groom getting cold feet :) We only told out immediate family that we were already married, so most of our guests will still be excited for the ceremony. But do it any way you like! And congratulations :)
Posted by miggetymary[/QUOTE]


I disagree with most of the people posting. I think the post above is great advice that I may use in my own wedding.

My FI is in the military and in order to make sure I am included in his next orders we are having our legal wedding 4 months before our religious wedding. We need time to plan our wedding because our families are from different parts of the country and we could not imagine a wedding without them

His step-father is a paster and we want to be married by him in front of God and family. We've been thinking of the JoP as an official name to sign our wedding license but we won't move in together (I'm moving cross country) until our marriage is official in God's eyes.

The people who insist you only get ONE wedding are probably not in the same situation as you. You will get one wedding... the one with your family. To me the JoP can just be a legal agreement (which can be emotional when you think about what it entails).

My wedding coordinator said that military couples do this all the time. Don't let anyone talk you out of it.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:6fbdb816-de64-4225-b0fa-b69b80c6539a">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later? : I disagree with most of the people posting. I think the post above is great advice that I may use in my own wedding. My FI is in the military and in order to make sure I am included in his next orders we are having our legal wedding 4 months before our religious wedding. We need time to plan our wedding because our families are from different parts of the country and we could not imagine a wedding without them His step-father is a paster and we want to be married by him in front of God and family. We've been thinking of the JoP as an official name to sign our wedding license but we won't move in together (I'm moving cross country) until our marriage is official in God's eyes. The people who insist you only get ONE wedding are probably not in the same situation as you. You will get one wedding... the one with your family. To me the JoP can just be a legal agreement (which can be emotional when you think about what it entails). <strong>My wedding coordinator said that military couples do this all the time. </strong>Don't let anyone talk you out of it.
Posted by NikiP81[/QUOTE]

Of course your wedding coordinator said this.  Because if she told you the truth:  that your JOP wedding WILL be your real wedding, and that you only get one wedding, she'd be out of a job.

It's not a great idea to take advice from someone who has a vested interest in telling you what you want to hear so that she'll get your business.

NikiP81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:1d37740d-e661-4c1b-bf82-1be2ee0ff5a3">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later? : Of course your wedding coordinator said this.  Because if she told you the truth:  that your JOP wedding WILL be your real wedding, and that you only get one wedding, she'd be out of a job. It's not a great idea to take advice from someone who has a vested interest in telling you what you want to hear so that she'll get your business.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]


If people really believe that the legal part of the wedding is the most important part that is unfortunate.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:ab02db98-7354-4245-a13f-04b361ec3e51">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later? : If people really believe that the legal part of the wedding is the most important part that is unfortunate.
Posted by NikiP81[/QUOTE]

Here's the point, Niki.  You don't separate the two.  The legal part happens AT THE WEDDING, whether it's in a courthouse with a JOP, or in a church with a PPD.  They are NOT separate events.

NikiP81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:0255b34a-cb02-4a0e-ae63-772045d0cb44">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later? : Here's the point, Niki.  You don't separate the two.  The legal part happens AT THE WEDDING, whether it's in a courthouse with a JOP, or in a church with a PPD.  They are NOT separate events.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I am glad that your situation was more easily defined. I envy you and would much rather not have to separate the two, but in some cases life is just not that simple.

I checked the military boards and there was a lengthy post about this same topic. Of course there were a variety of opinion (and I appreciate that yours differs from mine) but there were indeed many people who did this very thing.

I think it's important to be honest about it and not lie to people about having already married, but if one wants to differentiate between their wedding and their legal marriage, who are we  to tell them they are wrong?

orangecrush32

Can someone explain to me why people need to have more than one day? I think getting married once is good enough for me.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:3649c8f2-fde7-47a1-9067-27761da75ef6">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later? : I am glad that your situation was more easily defined. I envy you and would much rather not have to separate the two, but in some cases life is just not that simple. I checked the military boards and there was a lengthy post about this same topic. Of course there were a variety of opinion (and I appreciate that yours differs from mine) but there were indeed many people who did this very thing. I think it's important to be honest about it and not lie to people about having already married, but if one wants to differentiate between their wedding and their legal marriage, who are we  to tell them they are wrong?
Posted by NikiP81[/QUOTE]
This country doesn't differentiate the two.  There are other countries that do require the religious ceremony to be separate from the legal one, but not in the US. 

Either you're married or you're not.  If you don't consider the legal bit to be important, why do it at all?  You can't tell some people, "Yes, please consider us married so we can get all the benefits," but then tell others, "Well, we're not really married, because we want all the benefits of being able to do it the other way too."  Being an adult means making decisions, sometimes difficult ones, and living with the consequences.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_justice-of-peace-now-traditional-wedding-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cb8308ca-f11a-44d4-8b0e-39574d93da19Post:2d97ab19-b796-468c-bdbf-e6c48e5750da">Re: Justice of the Peace now and traditional wedding later?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not going to question your reasons for wanting to be married before you move in as I'm sure they're very personal and important to you! I am having my "real wedding" in April, but we went to a Justice of the Peace in October! (It was a legal issue, won't bore you with details) I was surprised how emotional the JOP scenario was, I suggest you both wear an item or a token in your pocket that means something special to you on that day, then wear it again at your "do-over" wedding. When I was researching officiants for my "do-over" wedding, the ministers I spoke to were all very understanding and had no problem conducting the ceremony as if we weren't married already. THE BONUS IS that you won't have to worry about all the paperwork on your big day! It will already be done! And you don't have to worry about your groom getting cold feet :) <strong>We only told out immediate family that we were already married, so most of our guests will still be excited for the ceremony.</strong> But do it any way you like! And congratulations :)
Posted by miggetymary[/QUOTE]

So you lied to all of your guests who thought they were there to witness you get married?  Real klassy. I'm glad I wasn't a guest at your 'wedding' because I would have been pissed if I had traveled and bought you a gift for your fake wedding. Lying to people is never okay and just about everything you did for your fake wedding is wrong and offensive.

<div>You get ONE wedding day.  If you get married by a JoP, you are doing more than just "paperwork"...you are getting MARRIED.  If you still want to be a snobby little brat and get your PPD day, then call it's a vow renewal and you don't get the same pomp and circumstance.  This means no WP, no gifts, no first dance, etc...because it is NOT YOUR WEDDING!!
</div>