name change

tiasera135

I am getting married for the second time.  I have 3 children from my first marriage.  Since my divorce I have kept my married name so that my children and I all have the same name.  My dilema is that I would like to take my fiances name but I just can't see not having the same name as my kids.  If I hyphenate it then my name is 22 letters long...lol  That seems a little ridiculous.  So writing this I feel I may be answering my own question....to not make any changes.  I would still appreciate any advice from like situations. 

Lisa50

Our situation is similar in one way, I had a child during my first marriage.  That's where the similarily ends, though. 

My child and I have never had the same last name.  He has two middle names, the second is the same as my last name.  I did not change my name when I married the first time nor did I change it the second time.

MyNameIsNot

The only advice anyone can give you is that you have to do what feels right to you.  Something is telling you what you want to do, and that's what you should do.  

If it feels right to keep the same name as your kids, that's fine.  If it feels right to change to your FI's, that's fine.  If it feels right to hypenate, revert to maiden, make up a hybrid with your FI, or change it to something completely different, that's the right thing to do.  

stantokm

Have you asked your fiance what he thinks about it?  It's up to you, of course, and you should do what you're most comfortable with.  Tbh, if it was me, I'd feel a little weird being married to one man while still having the last name of another, but I understand why you feel differently--and maybe I would, too, if I had kids.

Maybe you should ask your kids what they think, too.

UberBiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cf94b4ea-109d-46a9-a002-34f0af780023Post:cc2d79cf-25cd-4ed1-b9f1-bcf3fefd1784">Re: name change</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you asked your fiance what he thinks about it?  It's up to you, of course, and you should do what you're most comfortable with.  Tbh, if it was me,<strong> I'd feel a little weird being married to one man while still having the last name of another,</strong> but I understand why you feel differently--and maybe I would, too, if I had kids. Maybe you should ask your kids what they think, too.
Posted by stantokm[/QUOTE]
This would probably bother me more than anything. I was never previously married, but have a young daughter from a previous relationship. She has my last name. My FI also has a young daughter, and she has HIS last name. I really want to take FI's last name, because I'm all traditional like that, lol, but I feel like it would be weird to have 3 of us with the same last name, and my daughter be the odd one out, so to speak. So I am not changing my name.

renegade gaucho

Would your fiance be open to taking your last name?  That seems like it would be a pretty simple solution.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cf94b4ea-109d-46a9-a002-34f0af780023Post:cc2d79cf-25cd-4ed1-b9f1-bcf3fefd1784">Re: name change</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you asked your fiance what he thinks about it?  It's up to you, of course, and you should do what you're most comfortable with. <strong> Tbh, if it was me, I'd feel a little weird being married to one man while still having the last name of another</strong>, but I understand why you feel differently--and maybe I would, too, if I had kids. Maybe you should ask your kids what they think, too.
Posted by stantokm[/QUOTE]

No, it's HER last name. It happens to be the same as some one (or several some ones) who happen to be male. Can we PLEASE get away from saying that the only reason women have last names is because they are passed from man to man? I assure you that no one has ever accused my brother of only "using" his father's last name.

stantokm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:cf94b4ea-109d-46a9-a002-34f0af780023Post:78bc7833-619b-4d6e-9fb1-e9904cca1360">Re: name change</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: name change : No, it's HER last name. It happens to be the same as some one (or several some ones) who happen to be male. Can we PLEASE get away from saying that the only reason women have last names is because they are passed from man to man? I assure you that no one has ever accused my brother of only "using" his father's last name.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Wow, okay.  I disagree that a name change reflects some archaic "passing" of woman from father to husband to next husband and so on, but come on.  Realistically, when do most women change their names (whether it's hyphenating, mashing last names to create a new one, or just taking a new name entirely)?  When they marry or divorce.  Those events generally have a man involved--obviously not with same-gender weddings, but I'm being very general here.  You can choose to look at my feeling as anti-feminist or judgemental, but I assure you that it wasn't meant as such.  The only advice I gave was to consult her fiance and her children to see if they had any feelings about it.

tiasera135

I wanted to thank everyone for their input, it has really helped.  At this point I think I may change my middle name to my last name now which allows me to still be connected to my kids by name but take my fiances name as my last.  I still have a lot of time to think but just wanted to let everyone know what I've come up with.  THANKS AGAIN ALL, MUCH APPRECIATED!

anssett

I ditto asking your FI if he's willing to take your current last name. 

I don't have kids and I kept my name in my first marriage but husbands 1 & 2 both wanted to take my name (it's hella pretty). I'm not sure if husband 2 would have wanted husband 1's name but you never know.