Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Selecting your Bridal Party

So I'm newly engaged (Christmas Eve!), and my fiance and I just started talking about wedding things over the weekend.  We're not getting married until next year (Spring 2013).  For my side, I have selected my life long friend as my MOH, and have 4 bridesmaids, including one relative (cousin).  My fiance thinks that is wayy too many, he has only selected one best man, and two groomsmen.  I told him that I would like my brother in the wedding, and he freaked out and said no.  I told my fiance that if he had any female relatives or close people he wanted in the wedding, that I would put them in the bridal party, but he doesn't have any one.  So now what?  Do I have too many people on my side?  He's trying to tell me the average is three (one MOH/BM and 2 BMs or GMs).  Every wedding I've been in (over 5 at this point) have had anywhere from 4-5 girls in the party.  So I have two dilemmas:  do I have too many people in my bridal party?  How do I handle the fact that my fiance doesn't want my brother on "his side"?  My fiance currently has three people selected, and really doesn't have any other friends besides this (and one of the guys is a stretch...we weren't even invited to his wedding).  Thoughts?  Anyone else in this situation before?

Re: Selecting your Bridal Party

  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited February 2012
    1. Your FI picks his side, and you pick yours. You can not tell him who to pick.

    2. Your brother can be on your side.

    3. Sides don't have to be even

    4. You are are asking very early. Usually the guideline is around 8 months. Remember relationships change and who you want now, might change by then. (you can not kick people out. So if you ask too early you are stuck with them).

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • Ditto pp, although it sounds like you have "selected" who you want in your wedding party so if you haven't already spoken with anyone to officially ask them you don't need to worry about it quite yet.
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • I've sort of experienced a similar problem. My FI just wanted his one groomsman and I have probably 15 girlfriends who make my world go round, so obviously I couldn't have that many BMs and he was scared by my inability to taper that number down!
    We ended up just going with his best childhood friend and my sister. It's working out really well, and my girlfriends understand completely.

    Why doesn't your FI want your brother to stand with him? If your brother is important to you and your FI uneven on his "side", I don't see the harm.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_selecting-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cfae99c5-1c0f-432b-afad-3311b7d0fbbaPost:d987aa35-7dd5-4cfd-810d-ba02028943b1">Re: Selecting your Bridal Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]1. Your FI picks his side, and you pick yours. You can not tell him who to pick. 2. Your brother can be on your side. 3. Sides don't have to be even 4. You are are asking very early. Usually the guideline is around 8 months. Remember relationships change and who you want now, might change by then. (you can not kick people out. So if you ask too early you are stuck with them).
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    <div>All of this, exactly.  </div>
    DSC_9275
  • You can have your brother stand up on your side.

    The sides don't have to be even.

    I have 1 MOH and 2BM but I did this mainly to keep it simple and easy.  The more people you include the more complicated it gets transportaion and logistically especially if it is and OOT wedding.

    Also, you are choosing your bridal party waaaay to early, relationships change and so do people, I would recommend choosing the BP 8 months or so in advance just so the ladies can keep their calender open for WR events.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker "A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime"
  • Ah, crap, then I've selected my wedding party too early then :-/  I've had it figured out for a long time (on my side), as these are all lifelong friends (one relative).  I also asked early because one of my best friends is getting married in August 2013, and we're both in each other's weddings and I wanted to make sure we coordinated accordingly and not cause unnecessary stress on each other. And you're right, I can't change it now.  But as far as my fiance's side, I'll let him decide if he asks my brother or not, and not let my thoughts sway him.
  • i think it is crazy that your fiancee' would tell you "no". He's your brother and its your wedding. He is going to be his brother as well after the ceremony. Sorry but, I think your fianee' is being ridiculous and should consider your feelings.
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