Male MOH

jennecroman85

My best friend is a guy ( I have very little female friends and I'm not close to any of them.) He already agreed to be my MOH, but my mother is flipping out because she thinks its not appropriate. See we used to date, I've known him for 12 years and we where best friend's before we started dating and my fiance likes him and thinks its ok. My mother is throuwing a hissy fit over it and I'm afriad she'll ruin the wedding. Is this like a really wrong thing to do? What do you guys think.

Beachy730

Does she not think its appropriate because you used to date, or because its a male MOH?  If your Fi is comfortable with him as your MOH and as a good friend it then thats all the matters.

If she is uncomfortable by the male MOH thing, explain to her thats its pretty common now to have mixed gender WPs, and you chose to have your nearest and dearest friend as the MOH, he just happens to be a guy.  Either way, you need to tell your mom that the WP is your and FI's choice, not hers. 

How do you possibly think she will ruin the wedding?  Will she tackle him as he walks down the aisle?  Will she scream that its inappropriate when he walks in?  I highly doubt it.  She will get over it in time.  My mom threw a fit at first when I said I wanted a funfetti cake because she didn't think it was appropriate for a wedding.  But H and I put our foot down and she eventually came around, and now she says how much she loved the cake. 

jennecroman85

She doesn't think it's right not only because we dated and a guy MOH but because she never liked him. My faher and her are helping to pay for the wedding because my fiance and I can not do it on our own, she's already threatened to not help.

Beachy730

You need to decide whats more important to you then.  Having a bigger wedding than your parents pay for and hurting your good friend by kicking him out as MOH, or having the wedding you and your FI can afford and having  your closest friend by your side.

I would still try and talk some sense into your mother.  But if she is going to be this controlling in your wedding planning that she goes so far as to not allow certain people in the WP, I can only imagine how many more things she will try and control.  This si the exact reason many brides say thanks but no thanks when parents offer money for their wedding.  It almost always comes with demands.

Ghoti

Does she have logical and valid reasons for not liking the guy?

aerinpegadrak

How is this remotely your mother's decision?  If she's willing to pull her support over something so silly, you're far better off without her anyway.  Personally, I think it's a little sad that you'd be willing to put a price tag on your friendship with this man.

Lisa50

If you want your friend to stand up for you in your wedding, then you need to stand up to your mother.  And, echoing PP, if there isn't a valid reason for her not to like him, it is time to stand up to your mother.  You and your fiance may have to have a very small wedding but at least you and he (instead of your mother) will be in control, which is the preferred way to start your life together.  I wish you all the best.

BTW, if your friend isn't transgendered then you might consider using the title Honor Attendant or Best Man.  My son will be my only attendant and is my Best Man.

SaraD7

I wish more people did this so it became the norm. I am all for it. 

My Groom didn't have anyone he wanted to be his best man..I told him to have his sister, but he thought that would be horribly against customs. So instead he wanted me to have her a Bridesmaid when I didn't really want her in my wedding party...Then he picked a Best Man he didn't really like.

What part of that makes sense!? None lol

HiddenPaw

I'm a member of a very conservative baptist church, where the wedding will be, and I'm having a dear guy childhood friend of mine be one of my bridal attendants, and everybody is fine with it.  It's simply not an issue of "tradition" or "etiquette" anymore.

I agree with everybody else that this might be a good time to stand up to your mom.  But no sense in burning bridges, either.  Take LOTS of deep breaths when you address it with her, and speak slowly!  Screaming fits are no good for anybody.   But be prepared to have to choose if your mom is intransigent.

But maybe you could work out a compromise?  Could your friend be a groomsman?  He would still be there supporting you and your fiance, but he would just stand in a different place.  He could still be involved in any way that you want him to be.  Also, I bet your mom would be much less likely to throw a fit to your fiance than to you (though you never know).