Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Best way to remember Dad that has died recently

My dad passed away right after Thanksgiving. I planned on having him walk me down the aisle.  I don't have any brothers, and my mom really doesn't want to do it.  Any suggestions?

Re: Best way to remember Dad that has died recently

  • Do you have a grandfather or an uncle you are close to?

    While I know this is pretty outside the box, you and FI could come in together and walk down the aisle as a couple.
  • I think the most important thing isn't necessarily the gender but someone who is very close to you. So maybe you could walk down the aisle with your fiance or maybe your best friend, uncle, aunt - really anybody that would make you feel special on that day.

    And to remember your dad, I've read a couple great ideas: there was one woman who gave out cigars as favors in rememberance of her dad who loved to smoke them; another woman put rosemary on the pew, saying "Reserved for (his name here)."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_way-remember-dad-died-recently?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d305dee5-e2b2-4e93-b83e-a174f1f28244Post:cbc76040-39a3-4cf7-af54-a9b9a1e5f6cf">Re: Best way to remember Dad that has died recently</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the most important thing isn't necessarily the gender but someone who is very close to you. So maybe you could walk down the aisle with your fiance or maybe your best friend, uncle, aunt - really anybody that would make you feel special on that day. <strong>And to remember your dad, I've read a couple great ideas: there was one woman who gave out cigars as favors in rememberance of her dad who loved to smoke them; another woman put rosemary on the pew, saying "Reserved for (his name here)."
    </strong>Posted by laceylou236[/QUOTE]

    These are not good ideas.  Keep in mind that OP's mom is going to be there.  It's going to be emotional enough being there without the love of her life.  She really doesn't need to be looking at something that says "He's not here."

    OP, I would carry something with your bouquet that reminds you of your dad: a picture in a locket, a piece of material from one of his shirts, his keychain, etc.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_way-remember-dad-died-recently?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d305dee5-e2b2-4e93-b83e-a174f1f28244Post:831763de-b6c1-4e96-b32c-2479a6eac1ca">Re: Best way to remember Dad that has died recently</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best way to remember Dad that has died recently : These are not good ideas.  Keep in mind that OP's mom is going to be there.  It's going to be emotional enough being there without the love of her life.  She really doesn't need to be looking at something that says "He's not here." <strong>OP, I would carry something with your bouquet that reminds you of your dad: a picture in a locket, a piece of material from one of his shirts, his keychain, etc.
    </strong>Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    That's what i'm doing as well. Just keep in mind that a wedding is a joyus occassion, not a somber one. I preferred the idea of a private remembrance for me as opposed to possibly upsetting people in my family.

    Edit: As to your questions about walking down the aisle -- I would ask a close friend or family member. is your mom too sad to walk you down? Or does she think it would be too non-traditional? Because I've actually seen it a lot recently (and it's what I'll be doing for the wedding as well). You can also walk yourself or walk with your FI. Both would look lovely.
    Lizzie
  • My typical advice for this would be "do you what you think is appropriate" but because your father passed away so recently I would definitely caution you, particularly with your mom.  My mom passed away 8 months before my brother's wedding, we did a little tribute to her and everything seemed fine.  I also did one for my wedding and didn't see a single person affected by it.

    I have different ideas that maybe you could talk with your mom about in my bio under "in memory of". 

    I would have somebody close to you walk you down the aisle: MOH, sisters (?), close family member, BFF, or just by yourself...who knows maybe your mom will change her mind last minute.
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  • I'm sorry to hear about your father. I have a father who is very ill and recently decided he won't be attending, so I've marked in the ceremony program what I intend to do:

    Bride will begin her journey down the aisle alone, in honor of her father. She will be joined halfway by her mother and her cousin Larry.


    I've seen this done before. It's very powerful, and the bride did break down, but that was beautiful. She connected very closely with her tribute to her father, and that, I think, is what you're looking for. Good luck to you.
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  • My heart goes out to you. My dad also died, though not as recently, so we had the same dilemma. My mom hasn't raised any objections to walking me down the aisle, but if she had, I would have asked my little brothers or a close friend. It doesn't really matter who- or even if anyone- walks you down the aisle, as long as you feel loved and supported and your wedding is special to you. I'm also incorporating my dad into the wedding as much as I can. He was a pianist, so I'm walking down the aisle to my friend playing my favorite piano song, and then after the ceremony, we are exiting to one of his favorite songs. I'm also hoping to wear the same pearls my mom wore when she married him. It's the little things that count- maybe nothing to make everyone sad, but things to remind you that he's he's still with you in some way or another.
  • My dad passed away a long time ago, but he was a custom harvester (harvested land for farmers all around the country) and harvested a lot of wheat, so my bouquet is going to be a budle of dried blackbeard wheat.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_way-remember-dad-died-recently?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d305dee5-e2b2-4e93-b83e-a174f1f28244Post:a2c5e43a-f033-47a4-bac1-3d64a8f27199">Re: Best way to remember Dad that has died recently</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry to hear about your father. I have a father who is very ill and recently decided he won't be attending, so I've marked in the ceremony program what I intend to do: Bride will begin her journey down the aisle alone, in honor of her father. She will be joined halfway by her mother and her cousin Larry. I've seen this done before. It's very powerful, and <strong>the bride did break down</strong>, but that was beautiful. She connected very closely with her tribute to her father, and that, I think, is what you're looking for. Good luck to you.
    Posted by ellentravis[/QUOTE]

    How is that what anybody is looking for?  I was terrified that I would break down in front of people, I did everything I could to prevent that from happening.
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  • My father passed away this past September and I will be getting married this August.
    I have an older brother whom I am not close to and who lives out of the country, My mother wants me to have him walk me down the aisle but I'm still undecided as I can't imagine having any man other than my father walking me down the aisle. I don't want to do it by myself and my mom doesn't really want to do it as she wants my brother to do it. My grandfathers have passed and I'm not close to my uncles and again wouldn't want anyone but my dad. It's going to be emotional for me but I hope I can keep it together and I hope my brother can keep me calm but I think it will be hard for him too to take my dad's place. 

    As far as remembering him during the ceremony, I plan on having a picture on a table to the side of us with a candle that we will light during the ceremony. I think it's the right thing to do and I want to feel like my father is a part of it by honoring him. 

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  • My dad died because of 9/11 and I wanted to remember him in a subtle, personal way. (Coincidentally we got married on 9/9). We wanted to focus on the happiness of the day, while still remembering my dad. I stitched the Saint medal he wore every day inside my dress above my heart. I also embroidered "dad" on my veil in small letters. We mentioned him in the ceremony and in the program. I walked down the aisle alone, which was a powerful statement in itself.... It was really hard and my H actually came to get me halfway. If you google it, you'll find a lot of good ideas. You have to do what feels right for you. You'll know it when you find it.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss, I am sure it is hard to plan something joyus while your heart is still mending.. My dad passed away 15 years ago after a long battle with cancer. When my dad was sick I was at a friends wedding and having a hard time watching her dad walk her down the aisle because I knew my dad wouldnt be there to walk me down the aisle when I finally found the ONE, My best friend's dad was at the wedding, and I asked him that day if he would walk me down the aisle in the place of my dad, He has been a part of my life for as long as I remember and is as much a Dad to me as my own father was, I spent as much time at their house growing up as I did my own... When my best friend and MOH told "Dad" I was getting married he asked her if he was still walking me down the aisle... it amazed me that he remembered because hes since had a stroke and lost some of his memory... but she told him of course.. and I wouldnt have it any other way.. I will be carrying a red rose in my boquet and also a picture of my dad when he was young with me, and I know he will be walking down on the other side of me in spirit..
    Good luck to you.. I know its a very hard very personal decision... the idea of walking half way down alone made me bawl my eyes out just thinking about it!

  • I know what you mean. My dad passed away this past April. It's hard to imagine anyone else walking me down the aisle. Mom wants my grandfather and long time family friend (who I call grandpa as well) to walk me, I wanted to walk halfway by myself and have my fiancee meet me there, to finish walking to the altar. We haven't really decided anything yet. We have chosen blue, as one of our colors, as it was my father's favorite color. I have seen vases with inscriptions, which you could place in your ceremony. I have also seen people work a candle into their bouquet, and use that to light their candles for the unity lighting. I do encourage the talk with family, as I had no idea that what I had proposed was going to be so controversial since my fiancee and I got together 1 month before my dad was diagnosed, and has been the support that we all needed to get through it. 
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  • My Dad passed away 7 years ago in a tragic accident. I am having memorial candle lit in his memory at the altar. I also am debating on doing a "Father/ daughter dance" for my guests who are there with their fathers, since I won't be able to dance with my Dad.
  • I am so sorry for you loss. My father passed away within the last month rather unexpectedly. Thankfully my mother has said that when Tucker and I get married she will walk me, though I may suggest my uncle (her brother) wakl on my other arm to support us in case it is too hard for her. What I would suggest is a best male friend who may be like a brother or an uncle.

    The most touching thing I saw was a wedding I went to a few years where the bride had lost her father, uncle and brother and had non invasive but very meaningful memorial to them so not to impose on the rest of the celebrations. She had charms with pictures hanging on her bridesmaids bouquets (one bridesmaid had three of the dad on hers, another of the uncle and the last the brother) on the brides bouquet she had the charms for all three on her bouquet. On the program she noted the "in rememberance" for them. At her reception she father/daughter dance with her mom to a meaningful song which she woudl haev danced to with her father (beliving her was with them still)

    I know I will do something similar for my dad.

  • My grandpa passed away about a year ago and my FI's grandfather passed away only a couple months later. My grandother is still hurting over this, so I am faced with the same problem of not over stepping boundaries, but I would really like to bring them into my wedding somehow.

    I read about a cute idea, which was to print of a picture of them and you can actually roll it onto a candle. Then place the candles somewhere subtle. 

    Does this seem appropriate? I would definitely run it by my family, but the idea seemed sweet.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm very sorry for your loss.

    But I'm going to reiterate the views that it's not a good idea to have "reminders" that too blatantly bring to mind the reason that deceased loved ones aren't present.  Your wedding should be a happy occasion-you don't want to evoke grief and loss.

    I like the ideas of giving them a tribute in a wedding program, wearing or carrying an item of significance, and providing food, drink, decorations, and/or entertainment that the deceased enjoyed.  Those all bring to mind their memory in loving ways that are not associated with grief.
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