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Customs and Traditions

Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...

Hello!
I am relatively new here, but it appears to me that there are no places specifically for a Latter-Day Saint bride to get her questions answered, which is frustrating.  Let me offer some background.  LDS engagements typically last no more than 6 months, so everything is done in a hurry.  We are getting married in the temple,  but want to have a ring ceremony as well, as none of my family are LDS.  I am living 6 hours away from home, currently, but am trying to plan this ceremony and reception so that it goes off without a hitch.  It is against the custom of my Church to allow ring ceremonies in the meetinghouses to discourage any possibility of irreverance, so I need to find a reception venue that will also let me set up for the ceremony as well.  Did I mention that I am a medical secretary and my husband-to-be works at a grocery store?  Yep, we are doing this on a tight budget.  I'm a convert, so I have no idea what is supposed to happen in a ring ceremony other than an exchange of rings, an exchange of vows....  umm... and here is where I run out of ideas. 

Please help.

Kate

PS--His sister is getting married in October in Utah, so we are currently planning 2 weddings at once, and dangit all if she isn't a Bridezilla on the warpath.
December 18, 2010!!! Never thought I would be a winter bride; just hoping we don't get snowed in until AFTER the wedding!

Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    First off, I come from a community that is mostly LDS and there is not a rule saying you have to have an engagement 6 months or less. So if you feel rushed or stressed that is your doing. You could have a longer engagement if you want. My advice talk to your bishop or anyone in your church and they should know the answers to your questions.

    This website might be helpful as well
    http://www.ldsweddings.com/


  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments

    Join the club.  There really needs to be an Orthodox Category also.  I'm Roman Catholic and marrying in the Greek Orthodox church.  Believe me, I have quetions and nowhere to turn.

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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Really people?! I know this may be a little biitchy of me but is it really that hard to call up the church and ask some questions? These forums are awesome for some many things but even within a religion each individual church has different policies. I really think you will be better up just calling up your church telling them you have some questions and setting up a time to talk to someone.


  • I agree with the original poster.  I'm Pagan, and there's no where for some of us to go to ask quesitons.  If there's a "Christian" board, and a Catholic Brides board, then there should be other boards, too.   These boards would be a good idea to trade ideas.  But then again, I've been campaigning for a Celtic Bride board (about 30% of those in the US claim a Celtic heritage of some sort) for 2 years, but haven't been successful. 


    I think the knot gods are pretty narrow-minded and have surrounded themselves in a way which they only have "group think" instead of diversity.  So sad in 2010.

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  • edited June 2010
    I agree with Bethsmiles, why not talk to clergy or other women in your faith that have been married? If that fails, there's always google or bing or try other websites that deal with getting married and look around. Or even just websites that deal with your faith. There are tons. You can do a similar search for ring ceremonies. I don't think there's a forum that applies directly to all aspects of my wedding but that doesn't stop me from seeking knowledge outside of TheKnot. It would be impossible to have a forum for every single bride's religion and every type of circumstance. 


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  • FWIW - I "spoke" with KA a while ago about establishing an "alternative faiths" board, which would hopefully encompass many of us without a home board.  She said that she would keep it in mind when they rolled out new boards, which, I think she said would be sometime in the fall.
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited June 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_latter-day-saint-frustrated-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d34eb2b1-3c86-4594-bed6-aa612fcc72e8Post:38e250a3-c2ea-4036-853f-e7c8ed8cd778">Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Really people?! I know this may be a little biitchy of me but is it really that hard to call up the church and ask some questions? These forums are awesome for some many things but even within a religion each individual church has different policies. I really think you will be better up just calling up your church telling them you have some questions and setting up a time to talk to someone.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    Actually, yes.  I'm not talking about the ceremony.  I'm talking about traditions that come from Orthodox countries like Greece, Russia, Ukraine, etc.  Orthodoxy has a tradition as long as my Catholic faith yet it's ignored here.  Orthodoxy is not the same as Cathoicism nor is it Protestant.
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited June 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_latter-day-saint-frustrated-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d34eb2b1-3c86-4594-bed6-aa612fcc72e8Post:4d804566-0c8a-4c91-b2b8-8e447beb83f0">Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I be the redheaded stepchild of the Alternative Faiths board if we ever finally get one?  Because, I've been to the Christian board.  And no offense to those ladies, but aside from that whole "Son of God, died for my sins" thing, we have nothing in common.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Amen sister.  And the women on the Catholic board I don't recognize as lay Catholics.  I honestly think they're 80- year old nuns in disguise trying to remind us we if we don't follow the Catholic faith without question, we are all going to hell.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_latter-day-saint-frustrated-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d34eb2b1-3c86-4594-bed6-aa612fcc72e8Post:4d804566-0c8a-4c91-b2b8-8e447beb83f0">Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I be the redheaded stepchild of the Alternative Faiths board if we ever finally get one?  Because, I've been to the Christian board.  And no offense to those ladies, but aside from that whole "Son of God, died for my sins" thing, we have nothing in common.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
     
    I'm with you on that one.  In any case, it'll be interesting to see the new boards in the fall.
  • Even if there was a board for your particular situation that doesn't mean you'd get the advice you want.  A lot of boards here aren't very active because there just aren't enough people in that situation who are interested in posting on them.

    Are there people in your FI's families you can talk to?
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_latter-day-saint-frustrated-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d34eb2b1-3c86-4594-bed6-aa612fcc72e8Post:f7b3a462-aa8a-4d6e-91db-98bf0e5bd7f3">Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Even if there was a board for your particular situation that doesn't mean you'd get the advice you want.  A lot of boards here aren't very active because there just aren't enough people in that situation who are interested in posting on them. Are there people in your FI's families you can talk to?
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    No.  None of them are active in their heritage and I'd like more than one viewpoint.  If ask FI's family is the answer, then why have any cultural boards? 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_latter-day-saint-frustrated-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d34eb2b1-3c86-4594-bed6-aa612fcc72e8Post:574ca38a-4593-4f41-bc90-4083fa344cba">Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot... : No.  None of them are active in their heritage and I'd like more than one viewpoint.  If ask FI's family is the answer, then why have any cultural boards? 
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    <div>the cultural boards exist because there are enough people in that specific situation to warrant them. there's no reason to have 300 different boards if no one is going to use them. i've been on here for over a year now and this is the first time i've read about anyone who's LDS asking a specific question about their religion, so even if there was a specific board, there wouldn't be anything on it and you'd still be in the same situation. there's rarely LDS questions because LDS generally don't believe in celebrating anything so having a big old wedding party isn't usually an issue. </div>
  • While we're at it, can we have a philosophically-but-not-religiously-Taoist board?  I'm feeling left out.

    Honestly, the Knot is a very broad resource designed to appeal to brides in general.  If you need assistance with something very specific, there are usually other resources out there.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_latter-day-saint-frustrated-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d34eb2b1-3c86-4594-bed6-aa612fcc72e8Post:62c6805a-e22d-4282-86a3-bbb6d8ff6460">Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot... : the cultural boards exist because there are enough people in that specific situation to warrant them. there's no reason to have 300 different boards if no one is going to use them. i've been on here for over a year now and this is the first time i've read about anyone who's LDS asking a specific question about their religion, so even if there was a specific board, there wouldn't be anything on it and you'd still be in the same situation. there's rarely LDS questions because <strong>LDS generally don't believe in celebrating anything so having a big old wedding party isn't usually an issue. </strong>
    Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]
    So not true


  • I'm also Orthodox Christian, and I support different boards for different faiths.  Even if the boards aren't active, at least you can locate old messages and read back.  With all the general stuff on the Knot, it is nearly impossible to find anything faith specific in the massive amount of information.

    One can call a priest or religious leader, but it's not always practical.  My priest is extremely busy, and it's hard to get a hold of him to ask seemingly trivial, but nevertheless important to me, questions.

    Echoing earlier remarks, Orthodox Christian ceremonies are incredibly different than Catholic, Protestant, or other Christian ceremonies.  Though I'm sure things will work out well for me without an Orthodox Christian specific board, it would be fun and interesting to discuss issues with brides in a similar situation.  :-)

    I hope you are able to get an LDS board!  My father was raised Mormon, and it is very different!  Good luck, and thanks in advance to the Knot moderators reading this in considering this issue.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_latter-day-saint-frustrated-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d34eb2b1-3c86-4594-bed6-aa612fcc72e8Post:62c6805a-e22d-4282-86a3-bbb6d8ff6460">Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot... : the cultural boards exist because there are enough people in that specific situation to warrant them. there's no reason to have 300 different boards if no one is going to use them. i've been on here for over a year now and this is the first time i've read about anyone who's LDS asking a specific question about their religion, so even if there was a specific board, there wouldn't be anything on it and you'd still be in the same situation.<strong> there's rarely LDS questions because LDS generally don't believe in celebrating anything so having a big old wedding party isn't usually an issue. </strong>
    Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]

    I think you're mistaking LDS for Jehovah's Witnesses.  My best friend's family is JW (although she's not), and I once had a JW coworker, and they weren't into celebrating any holidays or special days  But I always thought LDS do like celebrations including marriage celebrations, but their traditions surrounding marriage are significantly different than other Christian traditions.

    BTW I'm not JW or LDS so please correct me if I'm wrong.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_latter-day-saint-frustrated-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d34eb2b1-3c86-4594-bed6-aa612fcc72e8Post:5e8da78d-fb3d-4c17-bd85-28278ba9f400">Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Join the club.  There really needs to be an Orthodox Category also.  I'm Roman Catholic and marrying in the Greek Orthodox church.  Believe me, I have quetions and nowhere to turn.
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm Greek Orthodox too!  If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.  My grandfather was a priest so my family has been a big help in terms of tradition.  It can be terribly overwhelming and different, but I would love to help if you have any questions or issues! (p.s. I'm marrying a southern Baptist, so we are doing our best to combine both traditions and faiths.)</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_latter-day-saint-frustrated-knot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d34eb2b1-3c86-4594-bed6-aa612fcc72e8Post:ef35706a-88e1-46df-b632-54520152f2cd">Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Latter-Day Saint and frustrated with The Knot... : I think you're mistaking LDS for Jehovah's Witnesses.  My best friend's family is JW (although she's not), and I once had a JW coworker, and they weren't into celebrating any holidays or special days  But I always thought LDS do like celebrations including marriage celebrations, but their traditions surrounding marriage are significantly different than other Christian traditions. BTW I'm not JW or LDS so please correct me if I'm wrong.
    Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]

    Nope, you're right. LDS brides certainly do have weddings. However, like the OP said, her family can't come into the temple to witness her ceremony because they're aren't LDS. They also don't celebrate with alcohol.
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  • At least in Utah LDS have huge weddings.  Not the actual wedding but the reception.  Generally you have the wedding in the temple, which almost no one can go to (you have to be temple worthy and its a small space) then you have a reception which everyone you ever met is invited to (at least in my parents circle).  

    As for your questions, I'm not LDS but I've been to some of their weddings (not the temple part, but I don't think you get much choice about those parts).  The time thing is just how things are done, you don't have to get married that fast.  The ring part that is done at the reception can be almost anything.  You can do it on the dance floor if you want.  I know I'm not the source your looking for, but I hope that helped and let me know if I can help more.
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  • Hey! I have been LDS my whole life, I've seen a few ring ceremonies done. You can have it inside the building, as long as it's not in the chapel, and you can do your own vows or just have the bishop do the whole thing. My cousin just did this, they had the gym set up for the reception and just did the ring ceremony in there right before the family dinner. I've also seen them done outside at the reception site, and another one was in someone's backyard. Other than not having it in the chapel, your options are pretty open! And yes, we LOVE to celebrate anything and everything ;) It's a big deal, and it should be celebrated in a big way (if that's your style!).
  • Jehovah's Witnesses do celebrate weddings (Fi's best man is a JW and planning on having his own wedding and reception in the near future after ours).  I do think contacting the church is always the best idea for specific ceremony or even reception questions (when it pertains to what is customary with in the faith and tradition).  If your priest is busy there's always a deacon (or at least that's what we call the position, I mean like the third guy down) What I have found on the catholic board (I'm a wayward roman catholic and I agree with the nun comment) is it's not uncommon for people to suggest speaking to the priest at the parish (I'm just dittoing the theme that a board wouldn't solve your problems)
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  • There used to be an Orthodox board before TK went through menopause (the big change). Now its gone. I got some really good advice on there for incorporating FI's Romanian Orthodox traditions into our non-denominational ceremony. I think it might be a happenin' board, or at least a good archived resource.
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  • Hey your beliefs are not law you will not be smitted and the temple will not burn down if you extend your engagement. I cant relate because im not religious but hey this is the time you need to get aquainted with the traditions you need all the time you can get to plan the wedding and learn everything you need to. Chilax and se the date for something that works for you if its so stressful.
    And to learn more try to contact member of your religious community. idunno how LDS works like if you have church on sunday or what but im sure theres worship time to be toghether with other member and im sure someones been married as a LDS
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