I'm catholic, he's not.. can we get married in a church?

JennKim08

What are the requirements to get married in a church? I'm catholic and my FI is not. He's not even baptized. 

unplainjane

one of you needs to be catholic and neither of you can be divorced. or if one or both of you have been divorced you need to get it annuled. are you or your family registered at a church? talk to your local priest soon. you'll need to talk to him at least a year in advance. good luck!

Audrey&Austin

I don't know the requirments to get married in a Catholic church, but you might want to check with him to see if he is comfortable getting married in a catholic church. This would obviously be a very religious ceremony and you should dicuss this with him before actually trying to book the church.

MrsMack10612

Yes you can.  Speak to your priest as soon as possible.  The ladies on the Catholic board may have more info you.

FI is Catholic and I'm not - so far we haven't had any issues.

ETA:  The lack of baptism on his part could be an issue.  The church we are getting married in required record of my baptism; and according to the Catechism, as long as both are baptised Christians (called Desparity of Faith) it's not a problem.  If you are of two different faiths (Desparity of Cult) it can get trickier and the non-Catholic/Christian may be required to convert.

[Deleted User]

I believe your FI would need to be baptized in order for the marriage to be recognized by the Church.

Check out catholicweddinghelp.com

There is also a Catholic Weddings board here on TK.

jilld82

Yes he most definitely needs to be baptized.

midgetthemighty

If you were planning on having communion at your wedding, he would not be able to take communion because he's not catholic. This happened to my parents. Now we're all Methodist (as my dad was) and communion is "The Lords Table" and anyone can partake, which is the way it should be...

This is just another problem you may run into, which I think is ridiculous, and I do not mean to offend anyone.

JennKim08

i think that we would be both okay in passing the whole mass part of the ceremony since we don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. 

my problem is that I am catholic... but i haven't gone to church in awhile but there's a pretty church i want to get married in though

does my FI HAVE to get baptized?

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_im-catholic-hes-not-can-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d3944eee-d0b1-4098-acf9-23ff8c8f84ccPost:fbdb9ce2-7567-4c24-9a0d-a3ab11f7ae56">Re: I'm catholic, he's not.. can we get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]i think that we would be both okay in passing the whole mass part of the ceremony since we don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.  my problem is that I am catholic... but i haven't gone to church in awhile but there's a pretty church i want to get married in though does my FI HAVE to get baptized?
Posted by JennKim08[/QUOTE]

Yes, he will need to be baptized.

You should contact the church you are interested in. Some churches require you to be registered parishoners before you can start the marriage prep, etc.

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_im-catholic-hes-not-can-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d3944eee-d0b1-4098-acf9-23ff8c8f84ccPost:fbdb9ce2-7567-4c24-9a0d-a3ab11f7ae56">Re: I'm catholic, he's not.. can we get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]i think that we would be both okay in passing the whole mass part of the ceremony since we don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.  my problem is that I am catholic... <strong>but i haven't gone to church in awhile but there's a pretty church i want to get married in though</strong> does my FI HAVE to get baptized?
Posted by JennKim08[/QUOTE]

<div>Bad, bad reason. Do not get married in church for pretty pictures. Get married in church because of your beliefs.</div>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_im-catholic-hes-not-can-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d3944eee-d0b1-4098-acf9-23ff8c8f84ccPost:fbdb9ce2-7567-4c24-9a0d-a3ab11f7ae56">Re: I'm catholic, he's not.. can we get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]i think that we would be both okay in passing the whole mass part of the ceremony since we don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.  my problem is that I am catholic... but i haven't gone to church in awhile but there's a pretty church i want to get married in though does my FI HAVE to get baptized?
Posted by JennKim08[/QUOTE]

<div>He needs to be baptized some kind of Christian, but it doesn't have to be catholic.</div><div>
</div><div>Getting married in the church just because it is pretty is really offensive to people that actually do believe and practice.  If you aren't willing to start practicing the catholic faith, and you don't plan to bring your children up in it, you need to look elsewhere for a venue.  A catholic wedding is a very sacred sacrament, and it's a big deal.</div>

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_im-catholic-hes-not-can-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d3944eee-d0b1-4098-acf9-23ff8c8f84ccPost:1eb65416-4fe0-4664-ae87-6f8250c1d081">I'm catholic, he's not.. can we get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]What are the requirements to get married in a church? I'm catholic and my FI is not. He's not even baptized. 
Posted by JennKim08[/QUOTE]

Have you asked your priest?  That's really the best way to tackle it.

cdavislynn

My FI is not baptized in any faith.
I am baptized and am a practicing Catholic.
We are getting married in the Catholic church without a problem. The difference is that our wedding ceremony will not involve a full mass since he is not baptized.
He will not have to convert.
Meet with your local parish priest and talk about it. Bring your fiance so he can ask questions too.

bibliophile2010

Technically speaking:   Yes, you can get married in the Church. Yes, you will have to complete all of your parish's pre-marital requirements. No, your fiance does not HAVE to be baptized -- the marriage would be valid, but it would not be considered a sacrament. Yes, you need a special dispensation for this. Yes, you have to promise to do everything in your power to raise your children Catholic -- your FI has to promise not to interfere with this promise. No, your FI does not have to convert. Because of this, you could not have a full mass if you wanted to (FI not being baptized).

Yes, the best place to start is by talking to your parish priest.

But...and this is a big but... if you are not practicing your faith, do not intend to practice your faith in your marriage and do not intend to raise children in the faith, getting married in a random church because it is pretty is disrespectful to the faith, to those of us who take our religions seriously, to the priest and others who will work with you on marriage prep, to God, to the members of the pretty church, etc.

KristenJF106

Another problem, at least from what I've come across, is that Catholic churches have a specific area in which all houses belong to a certain church depending on where they live. So I can't get married in the church I want to because we "belong" to another church closer to our house, even though I have said I refuse to get married there because I absolutely cannot stand the priest from that church(which, by the way, is the church I grew up in and went to grade school at). So I refuse to get married in a Catholic church since I am being told which one I have to get married in.

meep2

@Kristen--you are under no obligation to be a member of one parish or another. However, parishes may require that you be a member for a certain period of time before you are married in them, so you'd have to register in the parish you want before they can marry you.

apardy131

You can get married in the church, I know that FMIL said that her parents could not get married in the church 60+ years ago b/c her dad was not catholic.

I am not catholic, FI is and we are getting married in the church. You will have to do the precana class and meet with your priest. It may be different with every priest too. We found that friends of ours did not have to do the class or meet with the priest as much as we have. They met with an older couple of the church to discuss their relationship and future.

The piece of advice we got from our priest that we listened to was if both of you are not catholic then do not do a mass. You do not want his family (or my family) to feel uncomfortable with the mass part of the ceremony.

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_im-catholic-hes-not-can-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d3944eee-d0b1-4098-acf9-23ff8c8f84ccPost:f373f928-d9c2-42a1-b5c8-182f311f27a7">Re: I'm catholic, he's not.. can we get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]You can get married in the church, I know that FMIL said that her parents could not get married in the church 60+ years ago b/c her dad was not catholic. I am not catholic, FI is and we are getting married in the church. You will have to do the precana class and meet with your priest. It may be different with every priest too. We found that friends of ours did not have to do the class or meet with the priest as much as we have. They met with an older couple of the church to discuss their relationship and future. <strong>The piece of advice we got from our priest that we listened to was if both of you are not catholic then do not do a mass. You do not want his family (or my family) to feel uncomfortable with the mass part of the ceremony.
</strong>Posted by apardy131[/QUOTE]

Our priest basically told us the same thing.  We will be doing a marriage ceremony, but not the full nuptial mass.  My understanding is the primary difference is that there will be no communion.

Cynthia1207

Your FI does not need to be baptized.  As PPs have mentioned, you can get married but most probably will not have the communion as part of your marriage ceremony.  FI needs to ascertain that he will raise the children Catholic and that he will abide by the Catholic values of marriage.

Make sure you speak to your priest because the Catholic church is very tricky and everyone says different things.  One priest might say it's ok that's he's not baptized, another might not want to marry you. 

angiewr0910

I would check with your Deacon specifically but I am getting married this fall and we are in a mixed faith marriage in the Catholic Church. I just had to provide my Methodist baptismal record and sign things saying we will raise our children Catholic and we still have to go to the premarital classes and all, but yes you absolutely can get married in Catholic church. 

KristenJF106

@meep2= I wish it was that simple. We were told that the church we want to get married in would have to contact the church that we are closer to first & see if it is ok with that priest. Otherwise they could not marry us.  It does say we have to belong there for 6 months, which we have already said is not a problem because we go to church every Sunday and the wedding isn't for 18 months. But it probably still won't be enough. And the bishop said thtat's the way our diocese runs. So we will not be getting married in a Catholic Church then. Which really sucks.

meep2

@KristenJF= That does suck. I totally understand not liking the parish closest to you; since it sounds like you would want a Catholic wedding for more than just the venue I hope you can get it convalidated by a priest you like! Hopefully it'll all work out with being a registered member of the parish. It probably does depend on the diocese. Some want to prevent parish-shopping, especially when you have one really beautiful church where everyone wants to just hold a wedding, or a priest who tends to alienate people at another parish. I have heard that it can sometimes be necessary to contact your priest if you want to get married elsewhere, but mostly when it's outside the diocese, not when you're trying to register there.

So, uh, anyway, to the OP, since we're not trying to hijack your thread: I guess you should double-check what parish you want to be married in versus what parish you're registered in versus the one closest to you!  All this just goes to show you that the number one rule is always: talk to your priest.

Calypso1977

kristen, i woudl talk to the priest at the church where you attend and explain your situation.  i'm sure he'd be willing to help you out if he knows you are planning to marry outside of the faith as a result.

i assume you know that withouth a catholic wedding, your marriage will nto be recognized by teh church, and you therefore can no longer receive sacraments.  this is a big deal.  talk to the priest where you attend.

jemmini6

My dad was Catholic and my mom was never baptised and they were married in the Catholic church.  They had to do premarital classes, but I think that was pretty much it.  I don't know if they had to promise to raise their kids Catholic or not, but they sure didn't follow it if they did.  LOL.

Madisonpenny

You can get married ina a church, just not a catholic one, your best bet is a United Church

quirky75

Agreed with PP to talk to a priest. You'll be able to get married in a Catholic church, but there's definitely some extra forms to fill out! I know so far that FI needs 2 people to sign off that he has never been married before.

There's some brief info on this page to get you started at least:
http://usccb.org/laity/marriage/marriagefaqs.shtml

JCM10

Lots more paperwork, but you can do it! You won't have a mass though. But I agree with everyone else who is saying a good venue is an awful reason. One thing I like about the Catholic church (i'm Methodist) is that they make it difficult to get married there...you can't just show up and sign up for a date. You have to do paperwork if you aren't both Catholic (and be approved), take premarital classes, etc. 

SoHappyToBeMrsC

There are some misunderstandings in this post -

No, your FI does not need to be baptized, however, your marriage will not be considered a sacramental bond, it will be considered a holy bond. The two are not the same.

For those that keep saying "don't have a mass", what you are meaning is your ceremony will be nearly identical to a mass, it just won't have the Eucharist. Just in case anyone was confused as to the differences.

Kristin, there is some confusion with you as well. You can get married in your own parish. The problem is that you have not registered as a member of your parish. You have to actually take steps to become a parishioner, you can't assume just because you attend church there it automatically makes you a parishioner. YOU must call the secretary at the church you attend, and tell her that you need to register as a member, since you have been attending for the last 18 months. They cannot tell you that you cannot register at the parish because your parents are parishioners at another. THEY CANNOT. So if someone says that to you, demand to speak to someone above them, because that person is clearly misinformed. You are not a child, and are not under the umbrella of your parents, even if you live in the same household.

Now, your particular church may choose not to allow non parishioners to marry there, but you are confused if you think they are telling you that you MUST get married at your parent's church. They are only saying that because they won't marry you at their church. They cannot dictate to you where you get married. If you find another church that will marry you, your original church can't/won't step in and say "HEY! You can't let Kristin get married here, she belongs to us!". So I think you're misunderstanding what they're saying.

KristenJF106

@ SoHappyToBeMrsC=
Ok, I should probably re-explain.  I have gone to St.Edwards for my entire life and I went to grade school there, so I am registered as a parishioner there. But with the new priest I will not get married there. So the Catholic church that I was looking at is St. Anthonys. But I cannot get married there, according to the priest, because I belong to St. Edwards. And when we talked to the secretary at St.Anthonys, she said that they might have to contact the priest at St.Edwards, which is where the problem would be.
So I don't know if that helped or confused anyone lol

meep2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_im-catholic-hes-not-can-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d3944eee-d0b1-4098-acf9-23ff8c8f84ccPost:0dbf8391-2273-4f7a-a777-ed0ebb2b6ea1">Re: I'm catholic, he's not.. can we get married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]@ SoHappyToBeMrsC= Ok, I should probably re-explain.  I have gone to St.Edwards for my entire life and I went to grade school there, so I am registered as a parishioner there. But with the new priest I will not get married there. So the Catholic church that I was looking at is St. Anthonys. But I cannot get married there, according to the priest, because I belong to St. Edwards. And when we talked to the secretary at St.Anthonys, she said that they might have to contact the priest at St.Edwards, which is where the problem would be. So I don't know if that helped or confused anyone lol
Posted by KristenJF106[/QUOTE]

Oh, I see. Like I mentioned in my first post, it seems that it doesn't really have anything to do with which parish is closest to you, and it has everything to do with the fact that you're registered at another parish. As mentioned by PP, the fact that you go to a church every Sunday does not make you a registered parishioner. They don't know who you are unless you fill out a form. You are allowed to change parishes any time you want. Did you tell St. Anthony's that you have been planning on switching parishes? They should understand, and it should also clarify that you don't want to remain a member at St. Edward's and just get married at their church, but that you want to fully switch.

Calypso1977

kristin, i can understand not liking a priest.  sadly, a priest can make or break a parish.  we dont attend our local parish because of the priest and opt to travel 1/2 hour to our church.

but is one bad priest a reason to turn your back on the chuch and marry outside of it?  i would explore your options and explain everything to st. anthony's.  make the formal parish switch if you need to.  its nto worth marrying outside of the church.  you wont be able to fully participate in the faith with an invalid marriage (i.e., accept communion).