Advice please...

pinkkrystal

This may be a very random weird question..My fiance and I are paying for our wedding with a litle help from some family. We were going over our invites and started talking to some family about it and some where so excited and wanted to help and be there for us.. others made a comment that they werent going to come because of the people i was inviting (my dads side of the family do not all get along) Now my fiance is concerned that we are going to spend this money on our special day for no one to show up... Is there anyway to get like a pre rsvp type thing? I know it sounds weird but I want to ease his mind... any advice would help thanks!

slubkin

I think that if you want your father there, and if he is going to contribute towards your wedding, you should take his feelings about his family members into consideration.  For most brides, having their father present to walk them down the aisle is a big part of the wedding day, although depending on your relationship with your father, that might not be such a big deal for you.

Are the people from his family that he is objecting to/are objecting about others people that you feel strongly should be there?  Can you talk to him about why you want them there and see if you can work some sort of one-day truce (note: that only works if both sides agree, and people won't be drinking heavily at your wedding...)?

I was worried I would face a similar situation at my wedding since my stepfather literally wanted to kill my father, but since I cut my stepdad completely out of my life 5 years ago, I've had few regrets and no longer stress about conflicts at family events.

You may want to go the route of just inviting the people who you feel VERY strongly need to be there- you shouldn't have to worry about family drama on your wedding day.  Others might tell you that family should suck it up and be adults for you, but I know from experience (my college graduation) that sadly, some of them just don't manage to be that mature, and people who would disrespect you and your FI's celebration over their own grievances with family members maybe shouldn't have the privilege of an invitation.

[Deleted User]

Unfortunately there is no way to do a pre-rsvp thing. Have you already picked your venue? Just send out the invites with an rsvp deadline and see what happens.

I am sorry about your family situation. But I look at it this way - it is there loss if they don't want to come and can't put past family issues behind them or aside for one day. And since you guys are paying, the less you have to fork out.

I got disappointed when we got a lot of no rsvp's back, but then I thought about it and said oh well, less we have to pay for (bc we paid for ours ourselves as well). And you also have to remember sometimes people really do have prior committments or if the wedding is a holiday weekend, etc people may not really be able to come.

aerinpegadrak

You can often find out in the course of casual conversation whether to expect people or not, but there's no such thing as a pre-RSVP. 

Tropes24

It stinks when families dont get a long. My dad is one of 5 and one of his sisters and her family moved to KY, we live in NY/CT, and we joke that that will be 8 people we dont have to worry about coming, but it does make me sad that her fmaily can't put aside whatever they are feeling for a day.
My advice - send out save the dates to everyone - then send out the invitations with the RSVP cards. They will have to dedcide if they are adult enough to come for you, since this is your day. Even though your Dad is helping to pay, it is still your day and you have to remember that. If you try to please everyone you will have no plans, b/c they will all be different!
Enjoy yourself and good luck!

MyNameIsNot

If people are so childish that they will forgo celebrating with you because they won't be around some other person, do you really want them there anyway?  Clearly they don't care enough about you if they aren't willing to set aside some old bad feelings for you.  Screw them.

The people that do matter and do care about you will be there.