Choosing a venue??

MrsM13

Okay here's the deal. My fiance's family (ALL of his family) lives in Illinois. ALL of my family lives in Texas. My mom is insisting that the wedding be in Texas, since it's typically the bride's parents who pay for the majority of the wedding. However, I would not mind trying to help accommodate his family and have an Illinois wedding as an option too. Is she right? Should the bride have most say in the matter of where the wedding is held??

bbyckes

This is definitely something you need to discuss with your fiance.  If your mother is footing the bill, then I think she has a definite say in where the wedding will be held.  It will require travel for either side.  It may be easier to have the wedding where the both of you live.

I don't think a bride should have "the most say", I think this is an opportunity for you and your husband to be to problem solve and reach a consensus.  Regardless of what's chosen, your mother will hopefully respect your decision.  Good luck!

MyNameIsNot

It really comes down to who is paying.  If your parents are paying for all or most of the wedding, then they can dictate that it be in their location.  If you and your FI are paying for it without them, then it's up to the two of you. 

Personally, I think it makes the most sense to have it where the couple lives if that's one of the two options, but it really depends on what the bill payer says.  If your mom is saying that they will pay for a Texas wedding, you'll have to decide if having an Illinois wedding is worth turning down their $$ offer. 

Santorini2011

Ugg...I hate the "whoever is paying for it" logic because IT IS YOUR WEDDING! They had theirs.  Your parents should be able to respect your decision.  With that rant being said...how about having it in one state and then going to the other state later for a "reception" party and show the video from the ceremony.

sweetpea0911

FI and I had this problem.  His family is in NE PA and most of mine is in NNY, so it was an 8 hour difference.  Since we're paying for it, we originially were going to have it in Western PA, where we both go to school...but after some discussion, some compromises and taking family issues into account (his grandmother can't travel more than a half hour AT ALL due to nerve problems in her back), we decided to have the wedding in his hometown with my reverend from home.

Talk to your FI and see if you can come up with a compromise.  But seriously?  No matter if mom is paying for the wedding or not, tune her out until you've talked to your FI.  You may end up going with her "suggestion" and getting married in your home state/hometown, but it needs to be something you and your FI agree on - not you and your mom.  You're not going to be with mom for the rest of your life!

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_choosing-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d51a43b0-bec0-408c-9873-e226b6ea1fd3Post:ca20a315-f4c4-40d8-88b9-0689fec1decf">Re: Choosing a venue??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugg...I hate the "whoever is paying for it" logic because IT IS YOUR WEDDING! They had theirs.  Your parents should be able to respect your decision.  With that rant being said...how about having it in one state and then going to the other state later for a "reception" party and show the video from the ceremony.
Posted by Santorini2011[/QUOTE]

and IT IS THEIR MONEY.

If they don't want to host a wedding in a distant state, it's really ridiculous to expect them to. 

aerinpegadrak

It sounds like your mom's money is contingent on it being in Texas.  So you'll have to decide with your FI if you want to go ahead and do the wedding in Texas, or if it's more important to you to have it elsewhere (knowing that you'll likely have to pay for it yourself).

Planning your wedding sets the stage for your marriage, and marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership.  One party never automatically gets "more say" than the other, that way lies disaster.  Learn to compromise now, or pay the price later.

spaje

I can't tell you what to do with yours, but here's what FI and I are doing... Most of my family lives in Eastern CO, we live in Western CO (as well as my parents, and sisters), and his family is ALL down in TX.  He's Lutheran, his family is a bit more religious than ours.  (I jokingly say ours is non practicing baptist.)  So of course he wants a Lutheran Ceremony.  Well, we compromised.  He could have the Lutheran Ceremony (which is closely done like the ones I've seen anyway) with his pastor doing the service (I had an uncle in mind to do it, that I'd always wanted to do my wedding ), if we had the Ceremony in CO.  So, that's what the plans are.  Both sets of parents are aware of this decision and to my knowlege... they seem to be okay with it.  (not to mention, so far, it's planned that FI and I are paying for our own.  If the parents want to help... I'll appreciate every bit of it... but for now....) 

megk8oz

If your parents are footing the majority of the bill for the wedding, then they get a majority of the say, as it's their money. Weddings can be very expensive, so yes, whomever is writing the checks should get to dictate what their money is being spent on.

fiddle14

Having been married more than once, here's my two cents:

WEDDING #1 - My parents paid, wedding was at their church (which I grew up in).  However, then-H and I lived 3 hours away.  The result:  It was a sparsely attended wedding since none of our friends wanted to travel that distance.  I knew that was realistic, but regretted not having more of our friend there.

WEDDING #3 - We paid and had it where we live.  Well attended by the friends who live in the same place.  Out-of-state guests were pretty much immediate family (which was fine).  Having 70 of our friend around us really made the day fun and special. 

I personally did not miss having my relatives around for #3.  Having my friends more than made up for it.

No matter how you slice it, somebody is going to have to travel.  I would definitely lean toward the city you currently live in.