Rehearsal Dinner

Lploense

So my fiance's Dad and Step mom have been helping us out a lot  finance wise for our wedding. They say this is because unlike his sisters he never really asks for anything and he kind of got the short end of the stick growing up. We are so thankful for them.
 
They have also begun planning the rehearsal dinner, which they will pay for as well. They chose a very expensive restaraunt. I'm the type of person who has a very difficult time accepting things, especially expensive things from other people. The Meals at this place are over $30 a plate.

They will be inviting all of the extended family coming to the wedding to the rehearsal dinner as well, at least on their side. His stepmom has asked me how many people from my side will be attending. Now between the two of us, we have 4 grooms men and 4 Bridesmaids. Then there's my immediate family, which totals 6. And my parents probably won't come if their extended family doesn't so that 5 on my mom's side and at least 3 on my Dad's. So including My fiance and I that puts us at about 22, probably more as my Dad's family tends to procrastinate. 
 
Is it rude to say that those in the wedding party can't bring their significant others? The best man is married to one of my bridesmaids, so they'll be able to be together no matter what. I don't want to seperate anyone, but I also feel very anxious about having to feed all of these people. Do I just need to Shut up and let them know how many people and just let them deal with it? I feel like I need to make things more affordable or something.

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinner-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:e0e93bf8-d059-42d1-8101-81c3cb9bc6b8Post:3c1e3eb1-3446-4f46-a5f3-f5c00975d6c8">Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance's Dad and Step mom have been helping us out a lot  finance wise for our wedding. They say this is because unlike his sisters he never really asks for anything and he kind of got the short end of the stick growing up. We are so thankful for them.   They have also begun planning the rehearsal dinner, which they will pay for as well. They chose a very expensive restaraunt. I'm the type of person who has a very difficult time accepting things, especially expensive things from other people. The Meals at this place are over $30 a plate. They will be inviting all of the extended family coming to the wedding to the rehearsal dinner as well, at least on their side. His stepmom has asked me how many people from my side will be attending. Now between the two of us, we have 4 grooms men and 4 Bridesmaids. Then there's my immediate family, which totals 6. And my parents probably won't come if their extended family doesn't so that 5 on my mom's side and at least 3 on my Dad's. So including My fiance and I that puts us at about 22, probably more as my Dad's family tends to procrastinate.    Is it rude to say that those in the wedding party can't bring their significant others? The best man is married to one of my bridesmaids, so they'll be able to be together no matter what. I don't want to seperate anyone, but I also feel very anxious about having to feed all of these people. Do I just need to Shut up and let them know how many people and just let them deal with it? I feel like I need to make things more affordable or something.
Posted by Lploense[/QUOTE]

You csn't break up social units.  If your bridesmaids or groomsmen are in relationships, thei SO needs to be invited. I don't think that you have to let single ones bring a random guest though. It's always nice, but not a must. 

It seems like they offered to pay for the location, so you are in the clear.   Did they give you a limit on the amount of guests?  If you are within it, i wouldn't worry.

Lploense

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinner-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:e0e93bf8-d059-42d1-8101-81c3cb9bc6b8Post:50142b91-96b9-4ac5-92dc-4721af00002f">Re: Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Rehearsal Dinner : You csn't break up social units.  If your bridesmaids or groomsmen are in relationships, thei SO needs to be invited. I don't think that you have to let single ones bring a random guest though. It's always nice, but not a must.  It seems like they offered to pay for the location, so you are in the clear.   Did they give you a limit on the amount of guests?  If you are within it, i wouldn't worry.
Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

They didn't give me a limit. And they are deffinitely acustomed to throwing around money; purchasing a cabin and ipads for their younger children and such. However, a few times recently, they have brought up not having enough money and such. Not sure if it's Afluenza or if they are seriously struggling. I grew up poor, and so for me, it's all a little extravagant.

Darbie914

I can relate, as I also feel weird when it comes to money and accepting things.  WIth that said, if they haven't set a guest limit for you, I would try not to feel too bad about it.  I understand that you want to try to keep the guest list minimum but unfortunately, you cannot cut the significant others of the wedding party.  Or any of the guests you invite, for that matter.  Where I'm from, rehearsal dinners are small affairs.  Is there any way you can try to cut down the list in other ways?  Perhaps you could suggest to MIL that you would like it to be an intimate dinner.  However, since she is paying, she has the final say.

HobokensFury

You can't break up social units. The BP must be invited with dates.  If they offered to pay and didn't give you a limit they know and accept how much its going to cost.  I know how you feel though.  We had a fairly grand RD that my MIL paid for which cost more than some people's weddings.  But it's kinda the norm with large Italian families but it did feel like a mini wedding.

Jen4948

Yes.  You cannot break up social units.  If any of your attendants are married, engaged, or living with someone, they have to be invited together.  I'd talk to your dad and stepmom and make sure that they can budget for that if they are paying.  If not, then I think you'd better plan and pay for something where they can be invited together.

MrsGandthebeag

Personally I'd invite BP with their SO's and your immediate family.  I don't think you need to invite extended family.  If your IL's ask for more guests or why there's no extended family then I think you could add them.  

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_rehearsal-dinner-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:e0e93bf8-d059-42d1-8101-81c3cb9bc6b8Post:ea3694fd-19e5-412e-8074-c3a3b4c83606">Re: Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally I'd invite BP with their SO's and your immediate family.  I don't think you need to invite extended family.  If your IL's ask for more guests or why there's no extended family then I think you could add them.  
Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]



This. WP and dates are non-negotiable. Immediate family doesn't have to be invited but it would be really weird not to. Extended family doesn't have to come and often is not invited.