I live about 9 hours away from my hometown. Per tradition, my aunt back home offered to throw me a shower there, and I graciously declined because none of my friends live there anymore, and at most there would be 6 family members attending. It didn't seem worth the fuss, plus the expense of a plane ticket to go out for such a small gathering. She understood, so everything's fine there.
My FMIL lives about 3 hours away (not exactly a short drive, either). Since my family is not throwing me a shower, my FMIL expressed a desire for my FI's aunt (her SIL) to offer to throw me one. (She feels it's her SIL's turn to offer since she held showers for her SIL's daughers). It's a small town, and the only people I know are a small number of FI's family members, most of which I have at best a friendly but awkward relationship with (they're pretty religious, while I'm decidedly not). I SO don't want to have this awkward shower, especially given the long drive.
My FILs are very generous people, and they are even throwing a pre-wedding barbecue at their place for relatives who probably won't make it to our wedding. Even if they tried to make it super-convenient by suggesting they have the shower that same weekend when I'm already in town, I feel like it's rude to accept an offer for a shower I feel ambivalent about. And I also think my aunt or my mother might feel a little hurt that I accepted a shower from FI's family but not my own. Isn't there some tradition that the bride's shower is usually thrown by her side of the family?
I'd like to head this off at the pass before FMIL suggests her SIL to host a shower that causes an offer I then have to decline. I know there is a potential for hurt feelings all around. Is there a way to decline (or pre-empt the offer) without having to flat out say, "I don't want your family to hold a shower for me."?
Le sigh....