Future Mother-IN-Law Nightmare! HELP!

Ann and Wayne

OK... so my soon to be mother-in-law says I HAVE to send out invites to ALL of her family even though she knows hardly any of them will come to our wedding in July. She says it is because she will get chewed out by them if I don't BUT she is not helping pay for ONE THING! NOT ONE THING! And I can't afford to buy all of these invites and she is a VERY forceful woman.
I don't wanna cause trouble with my future mom but I don't see a way I can do what she's asking.
What should I do?

palrmt

Really your FI needs to deal with her.  He needs to inform her how many invites she has to send out.  If she insists that she needs more, he needs to inform her that the budget simply won't allow for any more.  If she would like to pay for extra guests over her allotted amount then fine.  Let her know how much per head each extra guest will cost.  Where does he stand on this issue? Is he on the same page as you?  If not then you two need to sit down and have a chat. 

[Deleted User]

Yes, your FI needs to have a talk with her. Whoever pays, gets the say so. That is not saying you can't give her some invites and let her invite some people that she wants or give her a certain number, but she should not be dictating to you who you must invite. Compromise is key.

Usually, the rule of thumb is that if you haven't seen them in the past year or so or don't have any real contact with them, don't invite them.

mcornelissen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_future-mother-law-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:e88eabcd-1b62-415a-8c2a-039b5e313ba0Post:06833c4d-90d8-41ab-a923-825c85b0985c">Re: Future Mother-IN-Law Nightmare! HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, your FI needs to have a talk with her. Whoever pays, gets the say so. That is not saying you can't give her some invites and let her invite some people that she wants or give her a certain number, but she should not be dictating to you who you must invite. Compromise is key. Usually, the rule of thumb is that if you haven't seen them in the past year or so or don't have any real contact with them, don't invite them.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this

marissa_claire

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_future-mother-law-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:e88eabcd-1b62-415a-8c2a-039b5e313ba0Post:84e1b77c-7adb-4317-9d17-075da60cbb2f">Future Mother-IN-Law Nightmare! HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]OK... so my soon to be mother-in-law says I HAVE to send out invites to ALL of her family even though she knows hardly any of them will come to our wedding in July. She says it is because she will get chewed out by them if I don't BUT she is not helping pay for ONE THING! NOT ONE THING! And I can't afford to buy all of these invites and she is a VERY forceful woman. I don't wanna cause trouble with my future mom but I don't see a way I can do what she's asking. What should I do?
Posted by Ann and Wayne[/QUOTE]

<div>My FMIL was the same way - she knew a lot of people weren't going to come but insisted they get an invite.  Low and behold, some of them of course are coming now. </div><div>
</div><div>Solution - I would see if she would be okay with sending them a wedding announcement instead of an invitation.  They are formal announcement sent to friends and family that were not invited to the wedding.  People also do not send gifts following a wedding announcement, so I personally find it less rude to send a wedding announcement to someone you know who's not going to come than to send an invite in case they want to send a gift.  </div>

redheadfsu

Yep, your FI should talk to her, not you. If he won't, then you have a FI problem and not a FMIL problem.

MissOwl

totally agree with the wedding announcement solution. it's a great way to reach family that have easily hurt feelings. it includes them without the expectation of a gift. awesome suggestion pp.

MairePoppy

And if she decides to pay for those extra guests, get the money before you send out the invitations.

tldh

Where is your FI in all this??

His family = his problem.  If he won't get involved or defend you, then you have a bigger problem than this.

sister2groom

If you she won't even pay for the extra paper invitations, that's kind of a foreshadowing.

Ann and Wayne

My fiance is behind me ALL THE WAY! He has told her a number of times that we aren't going to invite them or she needs to pay for something for us to invite them and she tells him what he wants to hear then but not following through.

Wayne told her we are doing the wedding announcement thing and she doesn't like it but he told her to take it, leave it, or cough up some money.

So far I guess she's taking it!


Thank you ladies! You have all been very helpful!