His Wedding Band

HoneyBunny678

I have been asking him for a month if we could please go and decide on our wedding bands together. HE heard me say we needed them, but never heard me on the together part because yesterday he called me from work to let me know that his mission was accomplished - at his lunch break he went to the jewelry store picked out and paid for his ring. I got upset with him since we did not do the picking out together, let alone that I didn't get to do the paying for. And he does not understand at all why, he simply told me to go to the store on my own and pick out what I wanted - he already left them his credit card number to charge for my ring. I got even more upset at that news - he expects that I go pick out my ring without him. I understand he thinks in terms of solutions to problem, but this just hurts so much. I've already got so little to hold on to that is a part of our wedding. (His parents have taken over, adn he is more than happy to allow it - another story entirely). Ugh!

bbyckes

That sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it now.  Have him go with you to choose your ring.  If he balks, make sure he understands how important it is to you that he accompany you when you choose your band.

As for his family taking over, are they paying for everything?  If not, grow a backbone.  If they are, grow a backbone. Don't let people walk all over you.  It won't end with the wedding planning.  I wish you luck in all this. 

danieliza1127

Just calmly explain to him why it's important to you that you go together, and ask him to come with you to pick out your ring.

golden1215

FI hasnt even opened the box that my wedding band is sitting in on the counter so he has no idea what it looks like.  And I bought his for him after a 3 sec convo since its just a simple mens white gold band...

If his is simple, its really not a big deal IMO

HoneyBunny678

It's a bit more fancy than simple - probably I could have picked that for him given the chance it is for me more about being there.  Which is what I wanted, ut you are right - too late now.

As for family taking over, his parents are giving us a third of the cost. My family is also, and we are paying a third. I have much back bone and have been standing up for myself when I am allowed to speak up. Most of the time he tells me that out of respect for him, I am to let him handle his family and me handle mine. I bought that in the begining and I handled my parents by explaining to them what we wanted. What I didn't realize until recently is he NEVER told his parents what we wanted. When I confronted him about why he hasn't done that he said it's because our wedding day is just as much there day and he thinks they should have a say over everything. We are not at all on the same page about this and we are three months to the day. Ugh!

aerinpegadrak

I'd let it go.  Why are you putting so much stock in the wedding rings, and in picking them out together?  Clearly he doesn't really care much about jewelry, and honestly, I think most guys would consider jewelry shopping of any kind excruciating, even for wedding jewelry.

The fact that this upsets you so, that he doesn't seem to care, and that apparently you have issues with his family all point to some bigger issues with the relationship, honestly.

FutureMrsMcDaniel

I don't understand.  He picked out a semi-fancy wedding band for himself.  Are you upset you didn't get to pick out his band? Or that you weren't there to offer your opinion?  Because he's the one that decides what his band looks like.  So unless it was decided ahead of time that you were paying for his ring, there's really no reason to go with him.

As for going together, it's really not a big deal.  FI and I ended up going together, but once we got to the store, we separated.  He found his and showed it to me.  I found mine and showed him.  He paid for both of them.  And that was that.  Took all of 10 minutes.  The videos they show on TheKnotTV about couples picking out wedding bands together is a bit contrived. 

HoneyBunny678

I think it is more than the bands for me. Okay, I know it is. My issue was that we discussed doing this part of it back in our early wedding planning days, and that we would pay for each others band. I feel like this is a symptom of a bigger problem - I am not being heard when it comes to the planning and prep of our wedding. I am sorry for venting here about it, I just needed to focus myself and now I see I've got bigger concerns than what his ring looks like.

twilight.rose

It seems as if you've realized this, but if you know this is only a manifestation of bigger issues, the logical solution is to have a serious conversation with your FI before you walk down the aisle. Best of luck.

pulga131

I hate to break it to you, but welcome to marriage!  Most men are used to being problem solvers and very independent (well for somethings that is).  They are used to making decisions completely on their own.  You will likely have many more battles like this, and I'm not trying to be negative FYI.  I would let this one go but do explain to him that you would like for decisions to be made together from now on since you are forming your lives together.  It took my husband many years to learn this concept, but he eventually did.  My advice, be patient and pick your battles.

mysticl

FI and I went to get an idea about wedding rings but not purchase.  According to the salesperson he is to buy mine and I am to buy his.  That's not how we are handling the situation but I guess that is the tradition she's seen.

TheCranberry

As you said, this is about more than just the wedding bands.  Just sit him down and calmly explain how you're feeling to him.  Hopefully he will realize that you feel like your voice is not being heard and be more willing to stand up for you.